Trial for change?

My new husband and I are trying to have a child. I have a daughter from my last marriage..she is 4 years old. Her father is the custodial parent (long story...I was not found unfit). I have her every other weekend Friday night to Monday morning and Tuesday and Thursday evenings from 7 - 9pm.
My question...if we are blessed with a child, would this assist in the court changing custody? We were plannning on filing for modification next year anyway but I was wondering if a sibling would be a blessing in more ways than we originally thought.
I have been formally divorced for over a year.
We have joint legal custody, but he makes all decisions based on his wants, not my input or her welfare. On his Holidays (we alternate), he works and gives our child to his parents to care for rather than me. On Mondays and Friday's she is watched by his parents. I work from home on Friday's but he will not allow me to have her. He will not allow me to pick up or drop her off at school, and on days that I am off and she is not in school, I am instructed to bring her to his parents home. He will not let me care for her even though I am a fit and loving mother.
There are many other instances, but I don't want to make this too long.
In a nutshell, is having a sibling enough of a change of circumstance and would there be an actual trial to change custody? I live in New Jersey
Thak you so very much

I'm not positive, but I don't beleive that having a child is a major change of circumstance. In order for you to try and regain custody, there has to be a MAJOR change in events..Having a child I don't think is considered one. As far as the Father not allowing you to have the child on his time, there isn't a whole lot you can do. Good luck to you.

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**MySonsMom**
~There is no love like the unconditional love of a Mother~

While your reply is a bit discouraging...if we did file for modification is there an actual trial as if it were to determine initial custody? Or is it all paperwork submitted (reports, letters etc.)
Thank you.

I beleive that if you file for a modification, the judge/court will look at your reasoning for the event. If it is acceptable (reasons for wanting to overturn custody) they will set a trial date, if not I beleive it will be "thrown out" for lack of better terms. I'm sorry that this is discouraging, maybe leaglebeagle or iaal will help you out here on if you have a case to get custody of your child. But usually, if there is no significant reason that custody should be overturned, then the child stays put..to eliminate children being *thrown* back and forth, home to home. I'm sure you miss your child, and want him/her with you...but for some reason the judge granted physical custody to the Father and that is something beyound your control. Good luck to you!

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*There is no love, like the unconditional love of a Mother*

-I am not an Attorney, any advice given is strictly advice-

Thankfully, my daughter and I have an extremely strong bond and love each other very much. Would a modification be more likely if I just ask for more time with her...more overnights rather than just 2 hours at dinner. And to specify things such as, I care for her when I am able and he can not (rather than his parents), I am the first to be called for babysitting it need be...etc. This would be in lieu of changing custody.
Oh, the judge actually didn't grant anything to anyone...we agreed to this in our separation agreement. I did not want to go through a bloody trial and the "expert's" report stated that "while both parents are deemed fit, due to the fact that the mother is changing residences, jobs and relatsionships, I would recommend to the court that primary custody be granted to the father...this is an extremely difficult call to make as it is very very close"...does that help?

Thanks again

I am fairly certain that it would be much easier to gain more overnights with your daughter than it would be to change actual custody, but there are much better experts here than I..

good luck

May I ask for the opinion(s) of IAAL and Legal Beagle...reading the boards, you seem to have much knowledge regarding the ins and outs of family law.

Thank You

Unfortunately for you.. having a child does not give you grounds for a change in custody. Your details of the custody decision is a very important lesson for everyone out there. It is critical leading up to a custody hearing that the child has stability. Another thread recently saw a mother wanting to leave the area just before the hearing, it is important not to 'rock the boat'.

In answer to your overall problem.. you certainly have grounds to petition for a change in visitation and can site the amount of time that he drops the children off with the GP and not you.. you can explain that if it were between a bio mother and the GP then it is you who should be spending the time with the children... so yes, petition for more visitation... but, I doubt a custody petition will get you very far..



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Psst.. I am not an attorney, and even if I was, I would not tell you. What I am giving you is not legal advice in anyway. For proper legal advice, retain a person who openly admits they are an attorney.

You need to repost the question specifically to the lawyers on the board. Explain what the circumstances why you weren't given custody. It said you weren't found unfit but why did the judge give your ex the kid? It looks like they do that a lot in NY and NJ from the posts. Repost the question to the two you want an answer to. They rarely go back to long posts.

Thank you to all who have responded to my question. It is apparent that the best way to go is to petition for more time rather than to ask for a change in custody.
In answer to watchful eye, as I had stated, we were both deemed fit and loving parents, but because I was the one moving out of the marital home, getting a new job, and having a new relationship (to whom I am now married), the "expert" felt that my daughter should remain with her father. But as I said, her report states that it was a very close decision.
In New York and New Jersey, more than 50% of those fathers that fight for custody are granted primary custody. While I agree that both parents should have primary roles in their children's lives, I'm not so sure that that "system" is not bending over backwards for the fathers. Of course, I am a little bias and I mean no disrespect to loving fathers...it's just an observation.
I have kept a diary and copies of letter that I have sent to him regarding visitation and other pertinent information. With this, I will file for more overnights with my daughter and try and get more quality parenting time, rather than "entertainer" time.
Thank you.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by watchful eye:
You need to repost the question specifically to the lawyers on the board. Explain what the circumstances why you weren't given custody. It said you weren't found unfit but why did the judge give your ex the kid? It looks like they do that a lot in NY and NJ from the posts. Repost the question to the two you want an answer to. They rarely go back to long posts.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

She got lucky cos I was interested to see where this thread was going so was watching it

I have one more question...since last July (1999) my new husband and I have been doing all the driving to pick up and drop off my daughter for my weekend time and for our mid-week dinners. My ex lives approx. 40 miles from us. There is nothing in the separation agreement about transportation, he simply refuses to help out. Can I use that "against" him when asking for modification (increased) of overnights? I have asked him on several occasions to help out, but he refuses stating, "if you want to see your daughter, then you do the driving". Is this right?
My child support is always prompt, she has her own furnished bedroom at our home,toys and educational things like crazy, I buy her clothes and everything else any custodial parent would do...but I am the non-cutodial parent. All of this, AND we do ALL the driving. Can I use this?

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by amotherslove:
I have one more question...since last July (1999) my new husband and I have been doing all the driving to pick up and drop off my daughter for my weekend time and for our mid-week dinners. My ex lives approx. 40 miles from us. There is nothing in the separation agreement about transportation, he simply refuses to help out. Can I use that "against" him when asking for modification (increased) of overnights? I have asked him on several occasions to help out, but he refuses stating, "if you want to see your daughter, then you do the driving". Is this right?
My child support is always prompt, she has her own furnished bedroom at our home,toys and educational things like crazy, I buy her clothes and everything else any custodial parent would do...but I am the non-cutodial parent. All of this, AND we do ALL the driving. Can I use this?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Not really, no. If there is nothing in the visitation schedule about who does what then it is up to you to pick up and return the child. You 'could' try and put it into any new agreement but you can not use it 'against' him.


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Psst.. I am not an attorney, and even if I was, I would not tell you. What I am giving you is not legal advice in anyway. For proper legal advice, retain a person who openly admits they are an attorney.