my rights are?

I have been married for 18 years. I am 42 years old. I want to leave. I have 2 children whom do not want to leave the town they grew up in. I have struggled with this for 2 years now. They both know I love them. They both have told me they want to see me happy.They also know I would not be able to afford them if I left. I have lived with a man who has controlled everything from what I wear to whom I can speak to on the phone. He is beside himself with the internet. I simply want my freedom and my car. The car is not an expensive one...but new and would provide me with transportation to and from a job. I want nothing else! I will support myself in every other way no matter what it takes...I just want my freedom. He claims if I go he will stop payment on the car and it will be repossessed. Leaving me stranded where ever it is I choose to go. We own a home, a boat(big one which he bought after the sale of a piece of land I bought when I was 17. )I am not saying he is a bad man. Just a controlling one. He is a wonderful father. A hard worker. Hey, he even said I can do whatever I want in life as long as I do not leave the house. (sorry for the sarcasim)I live in PA ....Pike County. I just want to live freely. Work freely. I need my car to do so, he knows that. Can he stop me?

I suppose if you make the payments on the car, noone can reposses it. As far as your children, you do realize you are responsible for them....financially/emotionally. Financially definitely.

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*There is no love, like the unconditional love of a Mother*

-I am not an Attorney, any advice given is strictly advice-

x

[This message has been edited by I AM ALWAYS LIABLE (edited October 14, 2000).]

must be the water! It is partly my fault , I let it go on because of my children. I do love them. Part of that unconditional love, I was lectured about, by Mysonsmom , is not letting them see or think this treatment is right. Thank you both anyway.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by I AM ALWAYS LIABLE:
My response:

Can someone please explain to me what it is in Pennsylvania that makes men treat woman like chattel? This is not the first time a woman has complained of this type of behavior from PA. Is it the water, the food additives, the way PA parents rear their male children? What the hell is going on there?

IAAL

IAAL, I have to take small amount of offense at that. Maybe I'm in the minority but I lived for 25 yrs. in PA with a controlling, manipulative and selfish woman who, in the past, has even physically abused me. I stayed with her because of the children but now that they are all grown I have left the marriage. In order to leave I have had to sacrifice a farm, land and horses that I dearly loved (they were my only means of obtaining peace during the marriage) and she is pulling every trick in the book to make sure I leave this marriage with as little as possible -- and the court system is helping her do just that. I know the type of behavior you are talking about is present and prevalent with men but I just had to state my peace that there women out there who are just as controlling and mean.

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I'm sorry if you took offence to my reply...I really didn't mean to lecture you in any way. I didn't have a lot of time when I posted it, so I didn't get a chance to go into it as I wanted or should have. I was only making a point that you can't forget your responsibility to your children. I think you are doing the right thing by leaving, they way you have lived is horrible. But please don't forget about the children, sometimes it's easy to in all the frustration and fear..with what comes along with change. Good luck to you as always!

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*There is no love, like the unconditional love of a Mother*

-I am not an Attorney, any advice given is strictly advice-

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by raymond1:
In order to leave I have had to sacrifice a farm, land and horses that I dearly <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

You sacrificed horses? Is this a religous thing????.?,?;?:?!?!!!!!!!!????????????.,.!!!!! (That was for you, IAAL.)

(kidding of course, just kind of jumped out at me!)

Tig

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I am not a lawyer. Any information relayed is merely my own experience or research.

In Egypt, Cats were once worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

"PRINCESS, HAVING HAD SUFFICIENT EXPERIENCE WITH PRINCES,SEEKS FROG."

[This message has been edited by Tigres (edited September 22, 2000).]

Karenann

You have the right to remain silent. Anything you do say can and will be held against you in a court of law. etc. etc. etc.

Honestly, why do you believe you cannot afford to take your children with you? There is such a thing as child support! Get yourself an attorney (if you have to secrete dollars away in a hollow knick knack to get the money together do so!) and file with the court for temporary custody the day you move out. Get some friends to help you and pack all your things and skeddaddle while he's at work one day. Let him know where your going to be, etc.

Don't let the money be the reason you don't take your kids. Not only can you survive, but you will have your family with you. (Don't move too far though!) Can I just say, been there, done that?

Tig



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I am not a lawyer. Any information relayed is merely my own experience or research.
In Egypt, Cats were once worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this.

"PRINCESS, HAVING HAD SUFFICIENT EXPERIENCE WITH PRINCES,SEEKS FROG."

Don't forget that if your hubby does not pay you anything, then apply for state aid.. then they will come and beat him once they start paying you.. and these people are not very nice when people owe them money...

x

[This message has been edited by Always searching (edited October 15, 2000).]

Dear Karenann:
I use to practice family law in Calif. So I don't know the specifics of PA family law and even my knowledge of Calif law is rusty. However, perhaps I can offer some avenues for you to find out your legal rights. This knowledge may affect whether you stay or go now or go later.

Many counties have organizations that assist women in your situation and many of those organizations offer legal assistance/advice either for free or on the cheap. Contact your local county bar association and ask for referrels to those organizations.

Also, many counties offer free attorney advice in family law matters. I know here in Calif, many family law courthouses have family law attorneys on site to answer questions. You may have to wait in line to get your questions answered, but if the service is provided, it should be free. Again, your local county bar association should be able to give you infnormation.

Also, if you're looking for general legal advice, consider going to your local bookstore, go to the law section, and take a look at one of those "do it yourself" divorce books. Although, with your children and your assets, I don't recommend you proceed with a divorce without talking to a local family law attorney first, at least you will get some general ideas of your legal rights and responsibities. You definitely need to find out if PA is a community property state.

And, finally, the obvious: make an appointment with a local family law attorney to find out definitely what your legal rights and responsbilities are. Bring in as much documentation on your assets and liabities as possible. (Consider copying the original documents when your husband isn't around, then replace the originals immediately so they're not missed). Bring in your last 3 years of tax returns. Many family law attorneys will give a free half hour consultation and, even if you have to pay for an hour or so, at least you'll know for sure where you stand. Then you can make a decision based on definitive knowledge.

Sorry I couldn't give you some definite answers, but at least now you have resources to get answers to any legal questions you may have. Best of luck to, Karenann, and come back if we can be of further assistance.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Tigres:
You sacrificed horses? Is this a religous thing????.?,?;?:?!?!!!!!!!!????????????.,.!!!!! (That was for you, IAAL.)

(kidding of course, just kind of jumped out at me!)

Tig

<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Real sensitive...thanks.

If you are not being abused (yes, I realize this is a form of abuse, but if you are not physically in danger or are being screamed at, etc.), then please, take the advice of a previous poster and try to hang in there and PLAN your departure.

If you are in an abusive situation, by all means leave NOW and don't leave your children with that sort of person!!

Unhappy marriages suck. I'm in one, I know. However badly you want out, you really need to use your head here so that things aren't harder on you once you do leave, and so that you *can* support your kids if you leave them with their father. Take time, squirrel away some money, attend college (at home if you must), apply for financial aid if you can get it to pay for it, sell things on eBay to get money built up (believe me, people will buy ANYTHING on ebay and you can do it almost entirely from home), just PLAN AHEAD and you'll be glad you did.

Personally I'm taking this time to stay home and raise my kids, and when they're both in school full time I'll go back to school myself and get a degree, so that when I DO leave him I won't be dependent on child support from him or working 2 jobs to make ends meet. I watched my mom do that and it was horrible... she got out of a bad marriage after many many years of putting up with horrible treatment, but she didnt' think ahead, so she spent the next 10 years scrimping and slaving away at crappy jobs just to put food on the table, until her kids grew up and moved out. Don't act impulsively.

A woman I have admired for a very long time did this: She was living with a very controlling man. She left him on valentines day ten years ago. She packed up all four of her kids (all boys ages 2mos. to 15years) and started her own in home daycare. I don't know about PA, but here in CA you can watch upto 3 children from one family without a license. She now owns two houses, a new car and has been fine. She was given full custody, he has visitation but she's definately an inspiration. To leave your husband and raise your children is difficult, but worth it. Good Luck

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Freakmama:
If you are not being abused (yes, I realize this is a form of abuse, but if you are not physically in danger or are being screamed at, etc.), then please, take the advice of a previous poster and try to hang in there and PLAN your departure.

If you are in an abusive situation, by all means leave NOW and don't leave your children with that sort of person!!

Unhappy marriages suck. I'm in one, I know. However badly you want out, you really need to use your head here so that things aren't harder on you once you do leave, and so that you *can* support your kids if you leave them with their father. Take time, squirrel away some money, attend college (at home if you must), apply for financial aid if you can get it to pay for it, sell things on eBay to get money built up (believe me, people will buy ANYTHING on ebay and you can do it almost entirely from home), just PLAN AHEAD and you'll be glad you did.

Personally I'm taking this time to stay home and raise my kids, and when they're both in school full time I'll go back to school myself and get a degree, so that when I DO leave him I won't be dependent on child support from him or working 2 jobs to make ends meet. I watched my mom do that and it was horrible... she got out of a bad marriage after many many years of putting up with horrible treatment, but she didnt' think ahead, so she spent the next 10 years scrimping and slaving away at crappy jobs just to put food on the table, until her kids grew up and moved out. Don't act impulsively.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

I have a phd.(be it in fine art, I know , I know...my father always told me it would do me no good until I was dead, well, I figure I am, and it is still no good.) I do not need more education. I know this sounds a little , more than a little unthinkable....my husband has associates (lets say) in high or low places. Iknow you are all trying to help...trying to show me the high or moral ground...I am not sure I know where that is anymore. I was young and stupid...and now I am paying for it. My son is a carbon copy of his father and "reports". My daughter who is 13, but old for her years, tells me to go. We have a way to contact each other and she expects to follow . Taking her now would spark action from "family" and "associates".