Allowing ex step-parent to adopt ex step-daughter

I was once married to a man for 3 years and with him for a total of 5 years. I was 9 months pregnant with my 7 year old daughter when we rekindled our relationship. We got married when she was 2 years old and divorced in 1999. Her biological dad has never seen her, never sent a penny, never sent a b-day card or christmas gift. I didn't even list him on her birth certificate b/c he showed no interest in her. My ex husband has been her father, supported her for the past 7 years and now he wants to adopt her eventhough we are divorced. She had surgery when she was 2 months old and he was the one who nearly lost his job to be there and hold her for 5 days. I want him to make it legal b/c she is starting to ask why her last name is different from his and her sisters. We had a daughter in the time we were together,and they have no idea that they are only half sisters. I have remarried and have a one year old daughter with my current husband. I moved out of state and allowed my 7 yr. old to stay with her sister and i gave my ex temporary custody by mandate. I now want my kids to come live with me but in my divorce paper it states that my ex is the domisiliary parent and i have reasonable visitation rights. If he adopts my 7 yr. old, i told him i was going to be her domisiliary parent b/c i want them to come live with me.Should i let him adopt her b/c he's been a better father to her then her biological dad was? Should i take my 7 yr. old to live with me in Texas even if he refuses to let my 4 yr. old come along too? I don't want to split them up but i miss my kids and they need their mother. He is single but takes good care of them. His parents help him by babysitting until he gets off work and i don't want them raising my kids for me. What should i do? He keeps telling me that i got myself in this situation so i should suffer by the girls living in Louisiana while i'm over in Texas. I can't help it that my husband is in the military and that is where he was stationed when i met him. If anyone has any advice or would like to email me for more information, please do so. [email protected]

Why did you put your new husband first and move out of the state? How could you leave your children behind and now state they would be better with you and you want them back? Yes, you got yourself into that situation and you left the state and left the children behind so yes you should suffer.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by acured:
Why did you put your new husband first and move out of the state? How could you leave your children behind and now state they would be better with you and you want them back? Yes, you got yourself into that situation and you left the state and left the children behind so yes you should suffer. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

This is a free advice forum, genius, not a church. Go preach your holier than thou moral teachings somewhere else. You don't know the intricate details of this person's situation from just a few words in a paragraph, and how dare you automatically jump to conclusions and judge?

x

[This message has been edited by Always searching (edited October 15, 2000).]

AS: Even without adopting the child, he still has a chance at custody of the 7yo if the local court is as you say. She left the child with him so the court will firstly not want to pull them apart, secondly, figure she left the child so why allow her the 7yo back ?.

Yes, it is appealable.. but there is a fair chance she would lose in local court if he petition for custody of the 7yo.

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by ArentWePerfect?:
This is a free advice forum, genius, not a church. Go preach your holier than thou moral teachings somewhere else. You don't know the intricate details of this person's situation from just a few words in a paragraph, and how dare you automatically jump to conclusions and judge? <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

Lets see mother leaves state for new husband and leaves childen behind do we need any more info? I could NEVER leave my children behind to be with anyone else, ever.

Why does everyone have to remark on the person who puts down the person asking for help? This poor guy is just asking for help, not criticisim. Have more compasion people, if not, then go to a chat room where you can put everyone down and no one cares! Just remember, someday you may need help and we may put ypu down because of your antics! "What goes around comes around"

Now to answer this lady's question. I don't thing it would be wise to let him adopt her. Why not have your current husband adopt her? Have you told her the truth? If not, you should. I'm not saying disclude your daughter of your first husbands love. Step back and asses the whole situation and if your daughter is mentally old enough tto comprehend the situation, talk to her and listen to what she may want. Then do what YOU feel is right for her. It is your job to protect her, and yours alone.

Good luck.

Skorpio


All that you have read, is only my opinion, and nothing more.

Okay, for one thing ,acured ,you don't know ALL the facts of the matter so don't go telling me what kind of parent i am. I didn't just dump my kids b/c i didn't want them with me and my new husband. My ex REFUSED to let my 4 yr old move with us. If you read the whole statement you would have seen that i wrote that i have a 1 yr old daughter with my current husband and she needed to bond with her father more than on just a weekend a month. My other 2 kids know who i am and that i love them. I did talk to them about the move before i went and they both wanted to stay with their father b/c their grandparents are here. I called my kids every night on the phone and they came to stay with me for the summer so it's not like i just DUMPED my kids b/c of a better life. I resent the fact that i wrote on here for some ADVICE not to have you criticize me b/c you think you know me. My ex refused to let my 4yr old move and i didn't want to split the girls up b/c they are so close.I am a damn good mother and just b/c i moved to another state doesn't mean i abandoned them. Someone asked if my daughter knew the truth and the answer is no she does not. She is only 7 yrs old may i remind you. I am preparing to tell her the truth but i have to find out the right way first. If anyone would like more specifics on this situation feel free to contact me through email and i'll explain the whole thing. To all that have given advice, i thank you b/c you have helped me. I felt obligated to let him adopt her but i took a stand the other night and told him how I felt it was gonna go down. Interested in the facts, email me.