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Underage pregnancy

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M

mmccarty

Guest
What is the name of your state? Michigan
My daughter just turned 16, got pregnant before her birthday, father of baby is 20. I have several questions. She has been taking off for days on end (to party) for the past year, my husband doesn't want her here anymore, let alone with a baby. She dropped out of school, doesn't work, can't drive and wants to keep the baby. I'm pretty sure the court won't emancipate her since she obviously can't take care of herself. Her father and I are divorced (he owes $20,000 in CS and seldom sees her, part of her problem). Can she live somewhere else (home for unwed mothers or a relative), do we have to give guardianship legally, does my CS for her go to them (if I ever get it), do we take the father of the baby to court for CS or would he just get thrown in jail, are we financially responsibly for my daughter and her baby? Responsible for the medical bills? Her father responsible for half? Can I sue her father for back support if she doesn't live here? Can we make her give up the baby for adoption or refuse to let her live here?? My life has been a living hell for the past year! Help!
 


D

d8ddysgirl

Guest
After reading this I can see why at 16 your daughter is pregnate.

I have no idea where to even begin here.

First, your daughter is 16 and pregnate and probably very confused as to what is going on and maybe even scared. and you are still responsible for her until she is 18. You could send her away but what is that teaching her child, if you make a mistake dont worry Ill send you away. Your making things worse.

Second, I see that your blaming her dad not paying child support or not being around. Well am I to assume you and your husband have been around and have been a positive role models for your daughter? WRONG. As a social worker I am going to say that you not being a suportive parent and not discussing cetain things in life such as sex and keeping an open line of communication lead to her current status.

her life is the one being changed forever, but I see in this whole situation you keep reffering to had bad things will be for you. Why dont you see about getting your daughter onto certain programs like medicaid or WIC. If she is on your insurance now however, you will be responsible for the bills yes. Her father will also be responsible but your saying he doesnt come around so that maybe tough. If you get your daughter on a medicaid program they take the father to court and get him to pay. They also find these girls jobs and make them go back to school. Its not the anwser but it would be a solution to let her keep her baby.

You can not make her give that baby up. Legally you can not. You can get her some real help and let her make decisions based on a professinal and not her mother forcing her to give up her baby.

I dont not see any legal issues here other than taking the baby's father to court and getting him to help pay for something. Kicking your daughter out is not a solution. Being there for her and trying to help it through it is alot better than forcing her to make the toughest decision of her life. And she may want to give her baby up for adoption if you let her seeek the help she needs to make the right decisions.
 
T

truly

Guest
d8ddysgirl said:
As a social worker
Your forceful response and commentary are lost in your post due to such severe grammatical errors...
To the Original Poster: Try, Try and TRY again to communicate with your daughter...her choices and decisions may have altered her and your path(s) in life, but it doesn't mean a dead end. Research your community for help and support groups.
 

CdwJava

Senior Member
Then there is that nasty and troublesome statutory rape charge that can be made against the adult who diddled the child. We prosecute for that out here.

Carl
 

rmet4nzkx

Senior Member
CdwJava said:
Then there is that nasty and troublesome statutory rape charge that can be made against the adult who diddled the child. We prosecute for that out here.

Carl
That and the fact that her daughter meets the definition of
"INCORRIGIBLE CHILDREN

Children who refuse to obey their parents are classified by the juvenile
laws of many states as incorrigible. The same label applies to children
who engage in behavior which is noncriminal, but prohibited for persons
of their age (for example, running away from home, chronic truancy or
endangering their own or another's health or morals).

Incorrigible children are often referred to as status offenders because
they would not be in court but for their status as minors. Incorrigible
children may be brought into the court system by police, welfare or
school officials or by parents seeking help.

DELINQUENT CHILDREN

When a person under the age of majority engages in an act which would be
a crime if committed by an adult, she is said to have committed a
delinquent act and is referred to as a juvenile delinquent, delinquent
or delinquent child.

PARENTAL CONTROL

Parental control is the right and responsibility a parent has to rear
and nurture her child. If parental control is not being exercised, the
child may be considered the victim of child neglect; if a parent is
unable to control her child, the child may be considered incorrigible.
If a minor becomes emancipated, he is no longer legally under parental
control.

Here are a couple of links that might help:

MSU Juvenile Justice Grant ... Underage drinking and possession of alcohol by a minor are status offenses pursuant to JJDP ... Michigan law provides that no runaway, incorrigible child, child ...
http://www.cj.msu.edu/~outreach/jj/Legislations/MSU_Grant/msu_grant.html

SERVICES AND PROGRAMS AVAILABLE ... of the Grady Porter Building, 303 W. Kalamazoo, Lansing, Michigan. ... on children who run away or are incorrigible. ... and/or informal supervision for minor offenses ...http://www.ingham.org/CC/newpages/programs2.htm
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
mmccarty said:
What is the name of your state? Michigan
My daughter just turned 16, got pregnant before her birthday, father of baby is 20. I have several questions. She has been taking off for days on end (to party) for the past year, my husband doesn't want her here anymore, let alone with a baby. She dropped out of school, doesn't work, can't drive and wants to keep the baby. I'm pretty sure the court won't emancipate her since she obviously can't take care of herself.
A: What have you done about this state of affairs? Like a year ago. Or longer.


mmccarty said:
Her father and I are divorced (he owes $20,000 in CS and seldom sees her, part of her problem).
A: What have you done about her apparent issues regarding her father?


mmccarty said:
Can she live somewhere else (home for unwed mothers or a relative), do we have to give guardianship legally,
A: Sure, she can live elsewhere. How does this solve HER problems, tho?


mmccarty said:
does my CS for her go to them (if I ever get it),
A: It certainly should. If she's in a state-run facility, you'll be billed by the state for her upkeep, whether you're getting child support or not. They'll go after your ex for his share.

mmccarty said:
do we take the father of the baby to court for CS or would he just get thrown in jail, are we financially responsibly for my daughter and her baby? Responsible for the medical bills? Her father responsible for half?
A: You don't do anything - your daughter takes the father of her child to court for CS. You are financially responsible for your daughter. She and the father are responsible for the baby.


mmccarty said:
Can I sue her father for back support if she doesn't live here? Can we make her give up the baby for adoption or refuse to let her live here?? My life has been a living hell for the past year! Help!
You can certainly file for contempt of the support order. You cannot force her to give the child up. And again, what have you done over the past year (and longer) to help your daughter, who is obviously having a rough time?
 
M

mmccarty

Guest
For the past year (since she started hanging out with the "wrong crowd" and since she started getting in trouble, smoking, skipping school, running away) we have gone to counseling twice a week, I quit my job so I could be home full time again to supervise her and help her with school, I drove her the twenty mile round trip to school and back every day to make sure she showed up and talked to each teacher every week for the past two years to get her assignments and make sure they got handed in, I got a tutor for her, both sets of her grandparents and aunts are actively involved with showing her love and support. We are active in our church and her youth group and pastor support her. She has learned about sex ed since she was about 9 years old. She is respectful at home, we get along well, we talk, but she just likes the boys way too much, and she takes off to hang out. She's not into drugs or alcohol (have had drug tests done at random for the whole counseling thing). We, of course, do not allow her to spend the night out unsupervised and she thinks she should be allowed to, so she just sneaks out, goes where she wants, then comes home several days or a week later. Everything is okay for two or three weeks, then she takes off again. Our three older boys have never acted like this, so we are at a loss. Nothing anyone suggests has worked to change the situation, and she sees no reason why it should change. She's been happy the way it is, other than being in trouble with us, and she justs wants us to deal with it. I don't want to get in trouble about the CS, but I don't know how to cancel it if she's not here or where to assign it. My ex will protest having his arrearages pile up if she's not here. Friday we talked, I told her Monday we would go to the ob/gyn and talk to the Right to Life group to see if they could help, but she took off again on Sunday. I can't help her if she doesn't want help and the stress is killing our family.
 
M

mmccarty

Guest
rmet4nzkx said:
That and the fact that her daughter meets the definition of
"INCORRIGIBLE CHILDREN

Children who refuse to obey their parents are classified by the juvenile
laws of many states as incorrigible. The same label applies to children
who engage in behavior which is noncriminal, but prohibited for persons
of their age (for example, running away from home, chronic truancy or
endangering their own or another's health or morals).

Incorrigible children are often referred to as status offenders because
they would not be in court but for their status as minors. Incorrigible
children may be brought into the court system by police, welfare or
school officials or by parents seeking help.

DELINQUENT CHILDREN

When a person under the age of majority engages in an act which would be
a crime if committed by an adult, she is said to have committed a
delinquent act and is referred to as a juvenile delinquent, delinquent
or delinquent child.

PARENTAL CONTROL

Parental control is the right and responsibility a parent has to rear
and nurture her child. If parental control is not being exercised, the
child may be considered the victim of child neglect; if a parent is
unable to control her child, the child may be considered incorrigible.
If a minor becomes emancipated, he is no longer legally under parental
control.

Here are a couple of links that might help:

MSU Juvenile Justice Grant ... Underage drinking and possession of alcohol by a minor are status offenses pursuant to JJDP ... Michigan law provides that no runaway, incorrigible child, child ...
http://www.cj.msu.edu/~outreach/jj/Legislations/MSU_Grant/msu_grant.html

SERVICES AND PROGRAMS AVAILABLE ... of the Grady Porter Building, 303 W. Kalamazoo, Lansing, Michigan. ... on children who run away or are incorrigible. ... and/or informal supervision for minor offenses ...http://www.ingham.org/CC/newpages/programs2.htm
Thanks, I'm checking into this! She's not been in legal trouble other than 1 smoking ticket, but she's been picked up 6 times as a runaway. The other times she came home before they picked her up. The police are tired of looking for her and I'm sure her friends and their parents are tired of me looking for her. I thought they had to be doing really bad stuff before they were deemed incorrigible. It's been hard getting any real help, we just go in circles from one place and getting referred to another, and no one has any answers.
 

rmet4nzkx

Senior Member
mmccarty said:
Thanks, I'm checking into this! She's not been in legal trouble other than 1 smoking ticket, but she's been picked up 6 times as a runaway. The other times she came home before they picked her up. The police are tired of looking for her and I'm sure her friends and their parents are tired of me looking for her. I thought they had to be doing really bad stuff before they were deemed incorrigible. It's been hard getting any real help, we just go in circles from one place and getting referred to another, and no one has any answers.
It may take some tough love, at the same time you have to protect youreslf and the unborn child. As her pregnancy progresses and she begins to bond with it there may be some changes in behavior, but at the same itme she needs a reality check. In a few months she will have responsibility for a child.
 

nextwife

Senior Member
She claims to want this baby, but WHAT is she doing to give it a GOOD start in life? Is she eating responsively? Getting folic acid and a healthy diet for this growing baby? Going for regular OB visits? Is she smoking? Drinking? If she's not even willing to tow the line with her lifestyle while pregnant to assure a healthy child, she has NO BUSINESS even considering parenting this child.

She can't be bothered with attending class, finishing HS (much less anything higher), just HOW does she think she will be able to support a child? One does NOT make babies with the idea they will not also need to assume equal financial responsibilty. Yes, there's CS, but one cannot make a family PRESUMING that it will always be there. There are collection issues., but there are also deaths and disabilities. My husband's dad died just before he was born, my dad became truly disabled and died while I was young. Women NEED to be able to take care of themselves BEFORE they take on the responsibility of taking care of a helpless child! She needs to be made well aware of how UNPREPARED she is to parent a child.

Use any and all tough love, including an alarm on her door so she cannot sneak out at night (which should have been used starting about a year ago), but especially take her to talk to an adoption counselor. She obviously wants to be free to do whatever she wants when she wants, doesn't care for rules, and is NOT responsible enough to parent.

Just because she's capable of procreating does NOT make her capable of parenting. Not now, anyway. Maybe years from now, when she's ready to be responsibible.
 

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