I Am Outraged!!!

What is the name of your state? MD

OK, how do I make a long story short?....My 2 nieces (3 and 4 yrs. old) have been in daycare (recommended by the state) for several months. It came out that they were being molested by the daycare mother's husband. Police were called and a hospital examination was done. Several days later, an appointment with the Criminal Investigation Division resulted in NO ACTION being done. My nieces didn't want to talk about it, so they said they cannot do anything!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT???? There is no doubt in my mind or our families mind that this son-of-a-? did it!!!! This is a daycare! Isn't anyone worried about this guy doing it to other children? This man is home all day as he works from home. To top it off, he is a retired police lieutenant! Because there is no concrete proof, they said nothing can be done and it was in our best interest to not do anything. We were told we can't even contact the other parents because then we could be sued by them for slander! I just do not understand!!! How can the innocence of these little girls be taken and nothing be done about it??? The girls want nothing to do with any male figure. Is there anything we can do besides nothing? There has got to be something! I just can't fathom this guy getting away with this!

PLEASE SOMEONE HELP!

Police were called and a hospital examination was done

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What were the results of the medical exam? Also, did you call the child protective services for your area?

The medical exam indicated no penis penetration, however they said finger penetration would not be visible (even if it had happened hours ago). The girls freaked out with the male doc and they had to call in a specialist. The girls talked to their mother about what happened, but not in great length. It all came out when my sister went to drop them off at daycare. The girls freaked out and begged my sister not to take them. She insisted why and the 4 yr old said she couldn't tell because it was a secret. My sister got her to open up a little after awhile of questioning and my niece said he touched her "down there" with what "he pee-pees with". She even told her that he took her in the bathroom to do it. That when she said he took her sister in there too.

Well Child Protective Services was called and they were there for the interview with the Criminal Investigation Division.

Truth is a defense for slander, just an FYI.

As far as being worried this alleged act may continue, I agree. Although it seems you notified the proper authorities of the situation, what is your next step? Was there a mention of procedure to appeal their decision not to act?

But for any case there must be proof and testimony,not supposition. You will need to get these to go further. Counseling for the children is needed, and possibly thru these sessions the counselor may retrieve information to reopen the investigation. I hope you have found a different daycare.

Oh yes, the kids will never go back there! A family member is taking care of the girls until another provider is found.

Thanks so much for listening! I think this really hit home to me bacause I too was molested as a child and the mere thought of a grown man touching any child in inappropriate ways sickens me. I lived in silence for several years until I finally couldn't live with it anymore. I was an adult when I finally broke the news to my family. It saddens me deeply to know what these children face in the long run and to not have action taken by authorities only makes it worse.

My family and I will not give up on our quest for justice.

This kind of tragedy and lack of prosecution is not unusual, unfortunately. It is VERY difficult to sustain a charge for molestation without a definitive forensic medical examination and a good interview. The interview by itself is not likely to result in a successful prosecution without physical evidence, witnesses and/or a confession.

It is likely you were told not to go around saying he molested the children because even the simple accusation can ruin a person ... and without a conviction - or even a criminal charge - it may result in a massive suit for slander against you. So unless you are prepared to PROVE in a civil court that he molested your children, you might consider avoiding any comments to or about the suspect in this matter in spite of your belief of his guilt.

As one who conducts these investigations, I can say from personal experience that they are difficult to prosecute under the best circumstances. But when you have young victims such as these, no witnesses and no physical evidence, there is virtually no chance of it ever getting in to a criminal courtroom. If you have the money, a civil suit has a greater chance of success ... but, that will require lots of money and lots of expert testimony.

My hope is that everyone is receiving the counseling they need and will try to move forward. Fortunately, the children are at an age that if anything did happen to them, it will largely be forgotten in a few years ... unless the family dwells on it to the point that they are constantly reminded of it - and this could have very detrimental results for the children in the future.

I pray that everyone can move forward and wish you the best of luck.

Carl

Thanks for your imput Carl, but it is a little hard to swallow the fact that nothing can be done. You hear so much BS about "protect the children", but far too often nothing is done TO protect the children. They are babies for crying out loud! How could they have defended themselves? Yes, in a few years they may forget and our family is very strong and will move on (no we wouldn't dwell), but noone knows the pain and heartache unless they themselves were a victim or a family member of a victim. You hear all too often about repeat sex offendors raping and killing children. Isn't it about time that there are tougher laws protecting our children from these perverts before it is too late.

Looking past the fact that this guy is going to get away with what he did to my nieces, I feel a great deal of guilt that I cannot say or do anything to protect the other children that attend that daycare. I can only pray that he tries it with the wrong kid!

It sounds like a prompt and appropriate response to the allegations was conducted. The investigaiton, including medical examination, some of which you may not be privy to, found no evidence of of the molestation or sexual contact.

The testimony of small children and their memories has for many years been the subject of debate in the professional communities. A child may form a vivid memory from the slightest suggestion and combine it with other events. For example, someone may tell the children not to let anyone touch them where they go "pee-pee" or don't let any man touch a little girl where they go "pee-pee", then a situation occurs later where a small child needs assistance with their bathroom needs, unaware of the cauton and suddenly you have a child afraid of "men" touching them there, even a doctor, or another caretaker. It is possible that there was inappropriate touching, but what was found upon examination and the child's first claims don't match. Subsequent claims, such as might come from counseling are weaker. This is why such cases are difficult to prosecute.

That the children didn't want to talk about it suggests that they don't have anything to tell, only something about being touched where they were not supposed to be touched. Children, even those in trauma are eager to please and often will often tell you what you want to hear. They are at the same time highly suggestive, so you get one set of responses from the paents report and a different response when the trained investigator questions. The parent may ask leading quesitons, the trained investigator will ask the child to tell the truth, suddenly they have less to say because the events elicited by the parent have some truth but are not accurate. Interviews with children should be recorded so as to document all aspects of the questioning. Many false prosecutions occured based on improper investigations and unrecorded interviews where suggestions were planted, this has dropped off considerbly since the routine video recording of interviews, likewise, there are sound scientific studies documenting how children build false memories. Without forensic evidence a case is going to be difficult to pursue.

Seeking another daycare situation seems appropriate.

Insofar as counseling, this should be with someone who is neutral and not designed to solicit "repressed" memories. The hospital may have a suggestion. It is important to allow the children in their counseling to explore their feelings so their fears can be calmed but not intentionally seek to prove this event happened, because subsequent memories are likley to be affected by the investigation process. Making up a memory that didn't exist does more harm than good, same for trying to use a false memory to prosecute anyone for child abuse, this causes insult to injury. If it did happen, there is not evidence of physical penetration, so at least the abuse if it did happen stopped short of penetration.

I am sorry this happened, if it happened and it is difficult, there is no good or easy way to move beyond this, but itme will help and support and love from family.

I beg to differ with some of these replies: My ex husbands son was molested at a day care. He did not tell, because he was told bad things would happen to him, what do you expect a three year old to believe? The truth came out when the perp. went further to molesting a female child of the same age, the man went to prison. But the matter that brought the case to light was blood in the little girls pull ups. Again the child was AFRAID to say anything. Let me tell you this, children do remember. My ex's son was playing with other children and touching them in inappropriate places, he was using stuffed animals in sexual manners, and wanted to play sexual games with other children. His behavior was BEFORE the man was arrested, his mother had NO idea why he was acting out this way. My husband, who was a full time officer and I am a reserve, was suspicious of the boyfriend of his ex. See, these matters just snowball. If you TRULY suspect wrong doing, don't give up and don't pretend it did not happen. I in no manner suggested you take the children who will PUT IDEAS in their head or use leading type therapy. I MEANT therapy/counseling from a REPUTABLE therapist/counselor. Anyway my ex's son remained in therapy for three years. So DON't TELL people kids are resilient and everything bounces off them that is a load of horse pookey.

But irregardless don't try to do anything yourself (to him), don't break the law and I agree there seems much out there should be done and most often is NOT. Actually the law is already there, it is the enforcement of the law which is lacking.

I have seen officers make a career of why they can't or won't follow up on anything. Usually this takes more time and energy than doing the job they are sworn to perform.

Please don't get me wrong, sexual abuse does occur, but so do false accusations and accusations that cannot be supported with forensic evidence. In the OP's case there was no forensic evidence of physical penetration, the example with blood in the underware was physical evidence. It's a catch 22 situation, the same rules meant to protect from abuse may also allow it same as for laws meant to protect against child abduction allow those who plan to do it with impunity.

Allegations of abuse can ruin everyone's lives. For example if in a group of people, a little two year old girl comes up, she is a friend of the family and eagerly reached to be picked up. Sp she comes and I give her a hug and then cradle her in my arms. She is precocious and very hyper, wiggling around and her skirt comes up, exposing her belly button, so I point and touch it, to tickel her "Is that you "beep beep"? As I have done many times. Instead of laughing, there is this stren voice comming out of this child saying, Grown ups aren't supposed to touch me there! A child who I has just changed her diapers a few days earlier! Everyone looks, I say "look with all your kicking your skirt is up, little ladies keep their skirt down" and then I place her skirt back down and send her back to her parents. Apparently someone had told her to say that if anyone touched her there, she was too young to understand what they meant. Take the same event but no one around, and later reported to the mother, "XXXX touched me doen there" then an investigation could be started, with no basis and lives ruined for something that didn't occur and how would any one ever know for sure?

It isn't an easy question, there is no perfect answer..

AMEN!!! Thank you, somebody who understands!!! I have 3 children myself so I would never take matters into my hands and do anything illegal. My frustrations are with that nothing can be PROVEN right now. It's almost like they know what to do and how to get away with it. My nieces have had several "rashes", but noone before now thought to look more into it. Maybe if we had, we could've had more on him. I was a bit disturbed with some of the responses too. I am sorry, but a 3 and 4 year old deserves to be heard! I cannot simply ignore the fact that he did this and how it has/is going to affect my nieces.

I see your point (to an extent), but we are talking about a 3 and 4 year old. The things that were said and their reactions would NOT be made up!

A basic concept of our law is that people have to be proven guilty. With sex crimes it is easy to make an allegation and hard to prove guilt. Very often the mere allegation can be sufficient to ruin someone's life.

Now, I think we all agree that molesters should be hung by their tender parts and subjected to all manner of foul, evil torture imaginable. The problem is that we have a system of justice that does NOT permit guilt to be established based solely on what we believe or what we suspect happened. If we did, then the mere allegation would be enough to convict anyone ... including any of us posting on this list.

Sometimes an investigation can only go so far ... then it can go no further. Most cases hit a stone wall after the suspect interview. Usually, by the time the suspect is interviewed, the forensic evidence is in (usually there is nothing conclusive there unless it is a very recent event), the forensic interview with the victim is in, queries of possible witnesses and other victims have been done, and histories have been looked in to. If the suspect does not give a statement, or sticks to an unshakable denial, we are stuck.

What would some of you want to see happen? A conviction based solely upon the statement of a small child? A conviction based solely on the statement of anyone? If it were that easy, then my job would be very easy for any crime because all I would have to do is arrest the person accused every time.

Unfortunately, it is NOT that easy.

And the unfortunate fact of the matter is that child molesters usually have a dozen or more victims before they get caught. The most that any of us can do is be attentive to the situations and the people we leave our children with.

If I could arrest and see to the conviction of everyone I suspect is a child molester, I would do it in a heartbeat. The problem is that the nasty little Constitution gets in the way ... and the lack of consistency in the admissibaility and reliability of forensic interviews, therapists, and counselors who bring testimony forward. And a battle of the experts usually simply creates reasonable doubt. And once you take it to court, you lose any subsequent bites at that apple ... if you go too soon, then you may not be able to use future evidence that arises - and it often dones. Chilc molest cases have a long shelf life and can often be tried long after the event occurred - and after good evidence or witnesses materialize. But, if the trial is pushed forward with only the statements and interviews of the victims, a "not guilty" verdict will trump even a later confession.

As for saying that they won't remember, I never said that. But they are resilient and they CAN overcome and move on. Young children are far better equipped to move on from this kind of trauma than older children and adults are. Very often the parents will keep the event at the forefront of the child's being for many, many years because it effects US a great deal more than it might effect them if they are given the proper counseling. However, we as adults need to take the counseling to heart as well.

There is nothing wrogn with aggressively pursuing a case. But sometimes, there IS no probable cause to make an arrest. And if there is no probable cause for an arrest there is NO grounds for a conviction which must reach the higher standard of 'beyond a reasonable doubt'.

Most the time, these cases cannot be brought forward. And, very often, these cases turn out to be unfounded. Even when they are well-founded, proving them can be a real bitch. So relying on an arrest or conviction for closure or relief is wrong. It may never happen.

Carl

teensaweez said:

...... To top it off, he is a retired police lieutenant! ......

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Sadly, another reason for the "boys in blue" to wait till there is proof.