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mommom1

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? South Carolina :

I need some advice or information on how to find out all I can about grandparents rights in our state.

We are helping our daughter raise her 4 year old son right now because she works at night. He sleeps at our house 5 nights a week to insure proper rest. He goes to preschool and has to get up early so we opted to let her leave him with us during this time. The court has made it look like she is not raising him and has opened up a door for the father who lives in another state to sue for custody. We were not allowed to speak in the defense of our daughter or the best interest of the child. Please tell me who I can contact to get some indept information on grandparents rights.
 


LdiJ

Senior Member
mommom1 said:
What is the name of your state? South Carolina :

I need some advice or information on how to find out all I can about grandparents rights in our state.

We are helping our daughter raise her 4 year old son right now because she works at night. He sleeps at our house 5 nights a week to insure proper rest. He goes to preschool and has to get up early so we opted to let her leave him with us during this time. The court has made it look like she is not raising him and has opened up a door for the father who lives in another state to sue for custody. We were not allowed to speak in the defense of our daughter or the best interest of the child. Please tell me who I can contact to get some indept information on grandparents rights.
If you are thinking that you can get custody of the child, its probably wishful thinking. If the child is not living with the mother then the father has every right to file for custody, and would very likely win.

The mother would be wise to quit the night job and move her child back into her home ASAP.
 

mommom1

Junior Member
We are in South Carolina


We do not want custody of the child. We are only trying to help her until she can get a day job, which are few and far between. I am just asking for information on who I can contact. We know all of the legalities that you wrote about. When you are single and can make more money working at night and have a child there has to be someone you can turn too. She knows he is safe with us, she is with him everyday and on her weekend, she does everything for him except that he sleeps at our house. If she can't get a day job, she could probably quit working and go on Family Independence. What would a judge say to that? All I really want to know is why is it that a grandparent cannot speak for the child or grandchild?
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
Perhaps she'd be wise to move in with you as well?

The reason you can't speak for your child or grandchild is because you have no legal rights to either. Your daughter is an adult, she is the parent of the child - only she and the father have rights.
 

mommom1

Junior Member
South Carolina

That has been considered but she is trying so hard to get a day job and become independent and that is what we want for her. The father would not marry her and she was forced to put his name on the birth certificate, we just really don't understand him at all. Sometimes I wonder about the phrase "in the best interest of the child" because so far the best interest has been in the father and what he wants. He has stated that he just wants someone to carry on his name and he always talks about how he has been hurt. And then he goes into the courtroom and makes a lot of false statements and the judge believes it all. What about the little innocent child? What is the deal. (just venting) If a young mother is really trying to get a handle on her life and really trying to make a life for her child why does the court treat her the way they do?
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
mommom1 said:
South Carolina

That has been considered but she is trying so hard to get a day job and become independent and that is what we want for her. The father would not marry her and she was forced to put his name on the birth certificate, we just really don't understand him at all. Sometimes I wonder about the phrase "in the best interest of the child" because so far the best interest has been in the father and what he wants. He has stated that he just wants someone to carry on his name and he always talks about how he has been hurt. And then he goes into the courtroom and makes a lot of false statements and the judge believes it all. What about the little innocent child? What is the deal. (just venting) If a young mother is really trying to get a handle on her life and really trying to make a life for her child why does the court treat her the way they do?
I agree that her moving in with you would probably be the safest solution to the problem. If she wants to keep custody of her child its a sacrifice that you all probably would be wise to make.

However, the alternative to that would be to strenously argue that the child IS NOT living with you, that you are only providing normal childcare while the mother is working. Argue that all of the child's belonging are at the mother's house (and make sure that they are) and that the mother spends her days with the child at her home (and make sure she does). Argue that it is no different than the child being in daycare while the father works.

However, I still feel pretty strongly that the safest solution is for her to live with you until she gets a day job.
 

mommom1

Junior Member
south carolina

Moving in would be a serious change for the whole family however, we think that the father would then call her a freeloader and that she is living off of us and letting us really raise the child. He has that type of personality even though he is helping raise another woman's child right now.

He has most of his belongings at her house except for toys and books and of course a few clothes. She does spend her days with him, all of them, she takes him to the dr., dentist, etc. she goes to his school for all parties, field trips and will be volunteering one morning a week. She can do this because she has an evening job.

She actually spends as much time right now with her son as a married couple that works and has children. I have done the comparison and read the statistics. She is just single and I think that the judge may have a problem with that because he is an older man and was raised in the time when divorce and single parenting was really low class. Unfortunately, I have been told that judges do form opinions like that, they are human too. Another ironic thing about this is that this particular judge was raised by his grandparents all his life for whatever reason.
 

ellencee

Senior Member
mommom1
Something is missing...Why/how did the mother and father end up in court in the first place and what do you mean the court 'opened the door for the father to sue for custody'?

Is there a visitation order that was not being followed? Is there a right of first refusal to provide care (for the child) that was not being honored? Is the father not just as able to keep the child overnight and get the child to preschool as are the grandparents?

It is impossible to change jobs and/or shifts to meet the whims of non-custodial parents and I don't believe the courts expect it to happen. I do believe the courts expect that the non-custodial parent to have the right to keep the child at night and to get the child to preschool; the CP can pick up the child and have the child until time for the CP to go to work. A bedtime that is earlier than when the CP leaves for work is also not an excuse to deny the NCP the right of first refusal. Of course, not all NCPs have the right of first refusal and it is not feasible or reasonable for all NCPs to keep the child while the CP works nights.

EC
 

mommom1

Junior Member
south carolina

Ok, this was the final hearing to settle all visitation and make changes if needed. The NCP has had visitation for over a year and she thought it was a good deal. He had the same rights and privileges of a man who was married with an established relationship and family bond with my daughter and grandson. He lives in another state so pick up from school is impossible. She thought everything was going well, she just wanted to make a few minor changes because of the child's age. The judge asked her where he slept 5 nights a week but would not let her explain the circumstances and just said "this is just another case of the grandparents raising the child". Her attorney said that comment could get the father back into the court room for custody. The NCP had told my daughter that she should change jobs. But that is just not that simple this day and time. We think and this is just an opinion of our family that the father is very jealous of the relationship that our grandson has with my husband, (his papa) and he is trying to break that up. But there isn't a whole lot that can be done about that.

I have another question: If our daughter meets and marries someone and they have a good life and take care of our grandson what can the NCP do then? Because I have been told that he can cause her a lot of grief.
 

ellencee

Senior Member
mommom1
There is a lot to be said for not waking a sleeping giant. Perhaps it would have been better to leave minor things unadjusted than to gain the attention of the judge/court.

From what you said, there is no upcoming custody hearing and there is plenty of time to make the necessary changes to keep the court from seeing the arrangement as grandparents raising the child. There is a huge difference in keeping one's grandchild while the parent works and raising a grandchild. The mother has got to be seen (by the child and others) as being the adult in control of the custody and care of the child and the grandparents have got to be seen as extra players. The mother should get off of work in plenty of time to take the child to preschool and should pick him up and keep him either until his bedtime or until she goes to work. She should keep him at home on the weekends, or her days off, and make every effort to establish her residency as his home.

If the mother marries, no matter how much the stepfather loves the child and provides for him, the father is the child's father and always will be and the child will always be entitled to have a protected relationship with his father. Of course, if the father turns out to be a villianous creature whose mere presence is detrimental to the child, then steps can be taken to protect the child.

As grandparents, it is harder for some than for others to accept a backseat or lesser role than the parents (who are our children); but, that's where we are: in the lesser roles, the support roles. We do not do our children or their children any favors when we maintain our positions of authority in their lives or try to be a mother-figure or father-figure to our grandchildren. Children like us better anyway when they realize we are not 'real' parents; and we can get away with outrageous spoiling that we could not indulge when being the primary parent(s).

EC
 

mommom1

Junior Member
south carolina

We really just want to be grandparents because we have another one coming in the spring by our other child. But we also know that she needs our help right now. Child support is low so it does not help much with her bills and she has SO many legal fees. We just wish that this man would give her some peace, grow up and be a man and accept the fact that he did not do the right thing in the beginning and just try to be the best he can be for all involved. The court does not even know (or care) that I the grandmother gave up a job that I loved just to help my daughter until her son is older.

She has thought about turning the tables on him and telling him that she needs him to help her in every aspect of the child's life such as getting him to soccer practice, going the dr. dentist, fielt trips everything and let him see just how difficult it is to raise a child alone. Right now all he does is have him for fun weekends and his wife does most of that. He even has his wife pick the child up for the weekend. So far it has been what he wants, is what he gets. I just wonder if most dads who do not live with the mother of their children really really realize what it is all about.

I know this will work out because of my faith in the big man upstairs, but I don't have any faith in our system in South Carolina and I don't think I am alone in this.
 

ellencee

Senior Member
I just wonder if most dads who do not live with the mother of their children really really realize what it is all about.
Goodness, no; they don't have the slightest idea and what's more, they don't want to know.

I think the judges should have to swap places with the custodial parent, including dealing with troublesome NCPs and the new spouses and the lawyers and JUDGES! lol! Wouldn't that be a hoot?!

EC
 

mommom1

Junior Member
south carolina

You bet it would be a hoot!!

I just found out another interesting fact today. My daughter and the father were engaged to be married and broke up before she knew she was pregnant.(i knew that part, we were planning a big wedding)
He has never told his new wife about it and I had to talk to her today because I had to take the child to meet half way. Well anyway I cleared up a few "false" facts for her and when I said something about the engagement she was floored!! So I guess I have caused some trouble and did not mean to. But also, the father knew about the baby before he married this other lady and did not approach our daughter or us about the circumstance.

How about that?
 

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