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son in trouble

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M

mizzz2u

Guest
What is the name of your state? NY

I walked in on my son (14) and an 8 yr old with their pants down. After questioning both boys there was only touching involved. However, the younger said my son touched him but he didn't touch my son. When I talked to my son I told him he better be honest with me because the other boy already spilled his guts. He told me pretty much the same story...except that the touching went both ways. Regardless, my son is older and should have not done this.

I have told the mother of the other child, and we actually questioned him together. I am the only one that has talked to my son. He is still a kid and I know kids lie to cover their butts. But, if he was covering his butt, why would he say that the touching was both ways. Also, he has told me that the child asked to play this "game" and the other child is the one that taught him how to play it. It is called the "boyfriend girlfriend game."

After not believing my own son at first, I have now asked him so many questions and seen his reaction to them. I am sure he isn't lying to me. He doesn't change his body language, his tone of voice, his face NOTHING. He just looks sad while this topic is being discussed. As well he should.

I guess my question is, at 14 can he be charged as an adult? And with the little bit of background I have given, would countercharges even be a slight option?

They want to interview me first, not my son. This I don't get. Leading to my other question. Should I have a lawyer with me during this interview? and he will get a law guardian...but when can he have one. Do they have to press charges first? No charges have been set yet...all I have heard is something about sexual abuse.

Help if you can.

Scared and shaking
 


JETX

Senior Member
mizzz2u said:
I guess my question is, at 14 can he be charged as an adult?
No. Most states that allow 'adult charges' on children only allow that to be done on heinous felonies (murder, etc.). I don't think I have ever heard of a case like this being elevated to adult status. Also, unlikely as this appears to be a clear case of emotional and/or psychological disturbance....

And with the little bit of background I have given, would countercharges even be a slight option?
In my opinion, no.

Should I have a lawyer with me during this interview?
I doubt you would need one as you are, presumably, not under any suspicion; however, see below.

and he will get a law guardian...but when can he have one. Do they have to press charges first? No charges have been set yet...all I have heard is something about sexual abuse.
I strongly suggest you contact an attorney to protect your sons interests during this legal problem. What you say during YOUR interview should be discussed with your sons attorney, as it will likely have a direct impact on any actions that he might face. And clearly, your son will need both legal advice and medical/psychological counseling.
 

rmet4nzkx

Senior Member
Much of what happens will depend on the maturity of your son, so it will be important if he has a history of immaturity and poor judgement, social or school problems for that to be included in the assessment. Very intelligent children may lack social and other practical skills these may in turn play a role in such events, so if there is any history, it is importnat to be honest about it and not sugar coat it. There are things in your story that sent up some red flags, but best to let the experts, such as a forensic psychologist, actually assessing the children do their job and not influence the outcome in anyway. It is important not to discuss the event anymore with your child and to let the authorities/assessor know what you have discussed so far and how much. The story can change simply because of repeated interviews or suggestive remarks. Call and apply for a law guardian today. Also all interviews should be recorded.

At 14 most children should know that this behavior is not appropriate and both knew this. At age 14 most young men are experiencing the surging hormones of youth. By age 14 most think they are pretty good liars at least in thier own eyes and possibly in the eyes of their prents who hope for their innoscence, this is natural, that you want your child to be telling the truth. However, the same could be said for an 8 year old as well. In both cases the behaviors could be signs of exposure to sexual abuse or not, so they will look at both sets of parents or caregivers or other adults with whom they may have contact.

Also who interviews the child and how that is done may influence their testimony.
 
M

mizzz2u

Guest
I have already sought out counseling for him. I did that as soon as the office opened on Monday.

I am supposed to go to the police station today. I have now been advised not to say anything that my son and I have talked about privately. Only what is common knowledge to what the mother, boy and I talked about and what I have had to explain to some other parents of the children I care for.

Thanks for your input. It is appreciated.
 
M

mizzz2u

Guest
rmet

My son is very intelligent. Hmmm I believe a 96.8 gpa. And yes his maturity level is low. He still loves cartoons, rugrats and that kind of thing. Playstation also. He has had quit a few girlfriends...but none for more than a week. I have asked him about someone else touching him inappropriately...he said not that he can recall. And there was another child that would go and play with Kevin during the day. They now live out of state. That child has said he has never played like this with my son.

Yes, I wanted to believe my son from the beginning, but I had to think the worst. I had to take everything with a grain of salt. But I have worked with kids for some time. I looked for signs that he was lying. His story always came back the same and demeanor didn't change. He didn't like talking about it, but who would. I have also known this other child since he was a baby. And the reaction is he didn't want to do anything wrong because he was scared of his dad.

I have to watch out for my son, but I care a ton for this other little boy. I'm sorry this happened. Some people have told me I should have kept my mouth shut and just never allowed them alone again. I guess I'm still glad it has been said. Even with the hell I'm going through.

:(
 

rmet4nzkx

Senior Member
You are a daycare provider? That could have other implications.

I was talking about when the psychologist interviews you so they will know what has transpired when they interview your son. You will also have to allow his counselor's records to be released, most likely, just to let you know ahead of time. That informaiton is needed for their assessment. If you have been advised by your attorney not to say anything private, tell them your attorney advised you not to discuss it, same for the police. If you don't have an attorney, get one. Get a GAL for your son. Then have your atorney present to advise you during the interview.
 

rmet4nzkx

Senior Member
mizzz2u said:
My son is very intelligent. Hmmm I believe a 96.8 gpa. And yes his maturity level is low. He still loves cartoons, rugrats and that kind of thing. Playstation also. He has had quit a few girlfriends...but none for more than a week. I have asked him about someone else touching him inappropriately...he said not that he can recall. And there was another child that would go and play with Kevin during the day. They now live out of state. That child has said he has never played like this with my son.

Yes, I wanted to believe my son from the beginning, but I had to think the worst. I had to take everything with a grain of salt. But I have worked with kids for some time. I looked for signs that he was lying. His story always came back the same and demeanor didn't change. He didn't like talking about it, but who would. I have also known this other child since he was a baby. And the reaction is he didn't want to do anything wrong because he was scared of his dad.

I have to watch out for my son, but I care a ton for this other little boy. I'm sorry this happened. Some people have told me I should have kept my mouth shut and just never allowed them alone again. I guess I'm still glad it has been said. Even with the hell I'm going through.

:(
No it had to be reported for everyones sake, what if it happened when he was an adult because no one told him it was wrong?

Make sure when your son is interviewed by the psychologist that they are aware of his lack of maturity, judgement, social problems and non age appropriate interests. Does your son lack fine motor skills, coordination or have a lack interest in sports, problems with focus, either not enough or too much? Even though her has a high GPA has he had problems at some time with school or some subjects? How is his social life apart from not keeping a girlfriend more than a week. Are there misunderstandings?
 
M

mizzz2u

Guest
rmet4nzkx said:
No it had to be reported for everyones sake, what if it happened when he was an adult because no one told him it was wrong?

Make sure when your son is interviewed by the psychologist that they are aware of his lack of maturity, judgement, social problems and non age appropriate interests. Does your son lack fine motor skills, coordination or have a lack interest in sports, problems with focus, either not enough or too much? Even though her has a high GPA has he had problems at some time with school or some subjects? How is his social life apart from not keeping a girlfriend more than a week. Are there misunderstandings?
He loves sports, but only plays football now. He's not very good at it compared to his older and younger brother that are the stars on the field (or court). Fine motor skills...he loves his tech courses at school (draw-design for production) but as far as I'm concerned can't draw a straight line with a ruler!! Focus, I would say too much. He puts his mind to something and he sticks with it ie playstation, tv, lifting weights to heal his acl now. He does well in most subjects, but does the worst in English.

What kind of misunderstandings?

As far as the day care goes...I have notified them as well. They are doing their own investigation. They have already been here. I'm waiting to here their decision to shut me down or not. Basically what I'm waiting for is one family. They are relatives. If they stay and I'm not shut down they I will keep going with daycare. If not...I've been toying with the idea of getting a job out of the house anyway. Mom always said everything happens for a reason...I don't like what happened, but maybe this is the reason???

I totally agree that I had to say something, or I wouldn't have. Both these boys need help now. It doesn't matter who the problem started with.

This would be my other decision...right or wrong....let me know what you think. I don't want these boys (either of them) going through a trial or whatever may transpire. Or the families for that matter. I have other kids to think about and all the day care families that would be called in. If guilt on his part because he is older is immenent, then we will find a plea in there somewhere. He's never been in trouble before so from what I've been told, probation and mandatory counseling are kind of the norm. I would deal with that...as long as his juv. records are sealed.

Thanks again
 

rmet4nzkx

Senior Member
There is not likely to be a trial, most likely something less. Hopefully your son will get the help he needs and better to catch it now than later. He may have difficulity with pragmatics, interpreting his environemnt and appropriate behavior. The things you say about school are typical of what are sometimes calles non verbal learning disorders. I suspect he can copy a drawing in class which he enjoys but if you ask him to draw something (straight line) that he cannot copy like from memory, he can't. While he likes sports, he isn't good at it.

Any misunderstandings? Odd use of speach or language. Focus too much is a typical problem, does he have troubles making decisions or rely on routine and be very concrete and non flexible?
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
The obvious - don't leave him alone with other kids. And..... you need to ask - if this does go to court - what the long-term implications may be. Because it is entirely possible that this could dog him for the rest of his life in terms of having to register as a sex offender.
 
M

mizzz2u

Guest
rmet & Stealth

He has a memory like an elephant, for the most part. When it comes to his drawings, I really don't know. Most of that is done in class.

As for odd language. He uses words grown ups would use. That is part of what the kids think is strange about him. I asked him if he could remember something for me...he said...not that I can "recall". At 14 that is a little different, don't ya think? And he has a slight slur, and is overweight...yes he's one of the kids that gets picked on at school quite often. That has made him an angry kid over the past couple years.

As for the dogging him the rest of his life...that is one thing I will make sure won't haunt him. If it will, then we'll go to whatever extremes we have to. I want this to stay in his past, work through it with therapy, then try to move on with his life and forget about it (as much as possible). Also, there won't be any leaving him alone with other kids anymore either. I do believe him, but the chance isn't worth taking.

You guys are great!! Thanks for your help and your support. I thought I might get slapped down in here as he is older and should have known better. Which is what I wish happened!

Thanks again!
 
M

mizzz2u

Guest
new tidbit

I was informed by the lawyer I have a consult with on Wednesday and someone for the Legal Services Office that at 14 he can't be charged with a crime of sexual abuse. One other person at an advocacy center told me she has heard of it before.

Any input on that one??

I'm still waiting until I talk to her to talk to the police. And I was advised that he not talk to anyone until charges are filed and has a law guardian. And to tell the police that when/if they want to talk to my son that they are to make arrangements through me. Does that sound right?
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
mizzz2u said:
As for odd language. He uses words grown ups would use. That is part of what the kids think is strange about him. I asked him if he could remember something for me...he said...not that I can "recall". At 14 that is a little different, don't ya think? And he has a slight slur, and is overweight...yes he's one of the kids that gets picked on at school quite often. That has made him an angry kid over the past couple years.
What does this have to do with anything, tho?
 

JETX

Senior Member
mizzz2u said:
I was informed by the lawyer I have a consult with on Wednesday and someone for the Legal Services Office that at 14 he can't be charged with a crime of sexual abuse. One other person at an advocacy center told me she has heard of it before.

Any input on that one??
NY Penal Code:
"S 130.80 Course of sexual conduct against a child in the second degree.
1. A person is guilty of course of sexual conduct against a child in the second degree when, over a period of time not less than three months in duration:
(a) he or she engages in two or more acts of sexual conduct with a
child less than eleven years old; "
http://assembly.state.ny.us/leg/?cl=82&a=29
 

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