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22 y/o considering a plutonic relationship with a 15 y/o- Am I a Freak??

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TrzVpr

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22 y/o considering a platonic relationship with a 15 y/o- Am I a Freak??

What is the name of your state? California (City, Los Angeles)

In doing research on the Internet I came to this place.

I am 22 years old and have a bright future ahead of me. I received my Bachelors of Science in Electronics Engineering when I was 20 years old. I am working hard in building my career so that I can a strong and financial foundation for when its time for me to get married. Long story short, I do not want jeopardize my future or throw my efforts all away.

As you have guessed, this question is about dating a minor.

First off, I am not looking for a loophole to have sex with her, as I will not, even if she consents to it. My question is not about having sex because it is beyond my morals and more importantly against the law. I wont risk the possibility of going to Jail.

My question is about kissing and holding hands; can it get me in trouble?

I am a Hispanic American and have the mothers consent to see her daughter. In a Mexican culture, this kind of relationship is not frowned upon. However, I am well aware that I am an American and am in the United States and this sort of thing is not condoned.

Last night I visited her.. Just before I left, she kissed me on the lips. Needless to say, I have been a nervous wreck because of that.
I will see her later this afternoon, and I will tell her that it made me very uncomfortable and we have to take things a lot Slower. However, at the same time it made me feel closer to here. I just want to know the legal ramifications of what happened last night. Is kissing considered sexual contact?

I have been thinking a lot about this and the difference in age is really stressing me. You’re probably asking yourself, why is he seeing a minor in the first place? (Which I have asked my self many a times…) My interest with her is not to have sex with her because she is young and desirable, albeit that doesn’t take away from it either. We have many, many things in common which we completely 100% agree on, we rarely argue, and more importantly she makes me feel complete.

I understand that because of her age, we will not have the full freedoms of a normal relationship and I have no say in that and must accept it if I want to continue to see her.

I like her a lot and decided that I would rather give up sexual part of the relationship than stop seeing her.

I have dated girls my age and even older. It’s not so much the age but the compatibility. I have not previously meet a person whom am I so compatible with.

I am looking for guidance on how to maintain a healthy relationship with someone who I care about without ruining my life.

She is 15 years old turning 16 in June 2005. I am 22 yrs old turning 23 in Nov 2004.

When I talked to her about it, she said I wouldn’t go to jail if no one knows about it because she won’t tell anyone. However, I am not that naive and recognize that because of her age she lacks maturity that age brings. All this being said, I will not have sex with her because of the legal issues.

However, I still want to be able to hold her hands when I watch a movie with her or I still want to be able to put my arms around her when we go to the park for walks.

I do feel comfortable kissing her on the check but do not feel comfortable kissing her on the lips. I am afraid that kissing on the lips will eventually lead to further things as it always does with couples.

I know that many of you people reading this will be quick to judge but only god can judge me when I die and the courts right now that I am alive. Basically, my plans are to play by both the parents and the courts rules.

If this means simply having conversations with her for the next 3 years, then that is something I am preparing myself to deal with both physically and emotionally.

Both positive and Negative comments are welcome. I understand everyone will have very different opinions regarding my situation and I respect that.

I just want to know how the courts dictate my relationship with her will be.

Basically, I want a very detailed and exact as possible explanation of what is and what is not allowed by our laws in terms of physical contact. (ex. kissing, hugging, etc. )


Thanks in advance.
TrzVpr
 
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CdwJava

Senior Member
Okay ... the long and short of it is that morally, this is wrong! Wrong, wrong, WRONG!! She BARELY JUST TURNED 15! ... an adult has no business being associated romantically with a child - you have nothing in common unless you are highly immature. You sound intelligent - but lacking in some measure of common sense, ergo this is NOT a good match.

Legally, you CAN get in trouble. If you see her against her parents' wishes, you may find yourself subject to a restraining order (which may prevent you from getting good employment in the future), charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor or child molestation (grabbing her hind end or fondling her in any way would be sufficient for this). There are just way too many possibilities to go into them all. And, there would be NO WAY that you will be able to convince people that you were NOT having sex with her, so the inevitable charge of statutory rape would likely appear - even if it could not be proven, it would still be lingering there.

If her parents do not object to a platonic relationship, you may be on okay legal grounds provided there is no sex or fondling/groping ... but that still does not mean you won't potentially face problems if other people call the police. And, it doesn't mean that this is not just sick, sick, sick.

And I cannot think that her parents are going to approve of this ... I know I wouldn't. And if you try to see her against their wishes, you will be in a whole world of legal trouble! I can pick out the possible code sections, if you like ... but suffice it to say that you could be forced to register as a sex offender for life under the right (or, wrong) circumstances.

- Carl
 

dequeendistress

Senior Member
IS there a special reason WHY you cannot find another adult to have a relationship with. Now take your reason and see if it will work as a defense in criminal court...If the answer is "no", please take this as your answer as to "should you be involved with a 15 yr old."
 
T

TrzVpr

Guest
CdwJava said:
Okay ... the long and short of it is that morally, this is wrong! Wrong, wrong, WRONG!! She BARELY JUST TURNED 15! ...
This reason alone scares the sh**t out me and has me second guessing everthing.

CdwJava said:
A adult has no business being associated romantically with a child - you have nothing in common unless you are highly immature.
I dont necessarily agree with this statement is true for all cases.

CdwJava said:
You sound intelligent - but lacking in some measure of common sense,
Given the situation I find myself in, I have no basis to argue.


CdwJava said:
If you see her against her parents' wishes,....
I first asked for her mothers permission that I may see her daughter. Her mother and my mother are best friends. Her mom has known me since I was a baby.

CdwJava said:
And, there would be NO WAY that you will be able to convince people that you were NOT having sex with her, so the inevitable charge of statutory rape would likely appear - even if it could not be proven, it would still be lingering there.
This alone is enough to make me want to forget everything about her. But I cant.

CdwJava said:
If her parents do not object to a platonic relationship, you may be on okay legal grounds provided there is no sex or fondling/groping ...
I know this and have no intentions of fondling or groping her. I moraly cannot do this. My conscious alone would not let me enjoy the physical aspect of it. In a way, Im glad I feel like this.


CdwJava said:
And, it doesn't mean that this is not just sick, sick, sick.
If I were to be intimately involved with her yes. I agree totally 110%. I wouldnt agree that stimulating conversations is 'sick'.

CdwJava said:
And I cannot think that her parents are going to approve of this ...
I asked for he moms consent before I started talking to her.

CdwJava said:
but suffice it to say that you could be forced to register as a sex offender for life under the right (or, wrong) circumstances.
My life would be ruined since I am playing with fire..
 
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TrzVpr

Guest
dequeendistress said:
IS there a special reason WHY you cannot find another adult to have a relationship with. Now take your reason and see if it will work as a defense in criminal court...
No There isnt.. And if I were a judge I wouldnt validate it even If I had one.

dequeendistress said:
"should you be involved with a 15 yr old."
Every bit of logic and sense I have says no.. ( along with everyone else that has common sense).
 
T

TrzVpr

Guest
Why am I having a hard time convincing myself to stop seeing her?

I feel that my intentions are good yet I am having a hard time accepting that I feel the way I do about her.

But at the same time, I don’t want to lose the feelings that I feel.. Life seems so much different.. (I know it sounds dumb but not to me.)

Sounds like I need Counseling. =0 (Sarcastic comment that I will take lightly but know Should be reality, i.e. I wont actively seek counseling.)

Thx for you input BTW.
 
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HomeGuru

Senior Member
TrzVpr said:
Why am I having a hard time convincing myself to stop seeing her?

**A: because you need professional help like the kind of people in the white coats. You also need to increase or decrease your meds.
********
I feel that my intentions are good yet I am having a hard time accepting that I feel the way I do about her.

**A: no, the only intentions that you have are BAD intentions. That's why you need professional help.
*******
But at the same time, I don’t want to lose the feelings that I feel..

**A: take a cold shower each and every you have those "feelings" and say to yourself "self, it won't be long now"
******

Sounds like I need Counseling.. =0

**A: As Homer puts it mildly, "DOH!"
******

Thx for you input BTW.
Much appreciated.
**A: and input is what you won't be doing with her.
If you want more feelings, imagine a nice prison cell with Big Bubba as your new boyfriend.
 
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TrzVpr

Guest
CdwJava said:
I can pick out the possible code sections, if you like ... - Carl
I would like to take you up on your offer if you still would like to answer my original question. I would appreciate this type of help.

I will need a wealth of information to help me come up with a final decision as to whether end it or not.
 
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TrzVpr

Guest
HomeGuru said:
**A: and input is what you won't be doing with her.
If you want more feelings, imagine a nice prison cell with Big Bubba as your new boyfriend.
Your are not listening to what I am saying. Why do you believe that I am merely trying to have sex with her? I have not had sex with her nor wil I.

I guess because of the situation I find myself, I will have no choice but to deal with people like you...
 

enjay

Member
That girl deserves to have all of the experiences of a normal highschooler, and she won't get that if she's with you. I think you are being selfish. You see this as an easy relationship. She's 15 years old and easy to be with because she's immature and has nothing to compare you to. Let her be with kids her own age and let her develop into an adult free of your influence.

If she is, "the one," she'll look you up when she is older.
 

gryndor

Member
TrzVpr said:
22 y/o considering a plutonic relationship with a 15 y/o
You know... Pluto is transiting the Earth right now. That may be your problem! :D

Sounds like your doing a lot of justification and not a lot of rational thinking. This girl, if like she says "you guys can get away with this if no one knows," is going to lead your situation to places that you will not "morally" go.

For all your words, rationalizations, assurances, permissions, etc. you are NOT doing the right thing, and the girl is WAY too young to know the difference. YOU should.

Gryn
 
T

TrzVpr

Guest
enjay said:
That girl deserves to have all of the experiences of a normal highschooler, and she won't get that if she's with you. I think you are being selfish. You see this as an easy relationship. She's 15 years old and easy to be with because she's immature and has nothing to compare you to. Let her be with kids her own age and let her develop into an adult free of your influence.

If she is, "the one," she'll look you up when she is older.

I had not thought about it like this. I didnt not think of what kind of influence my presence I will have in her life. I know this very important because her personality/person is still in a developmental stage. Maybe I am being selfish in not taking this into consideration.
 

HomeGuru

Senior Member
TrzVpr said:
Your are not listening to what I am saying. Why do you believe that I am merely trying to have sex with her? I have not had sex with her nor wil I.

I guess because of the situation I find myself, I will have no choice but to deal with people like you...

**A: hey listen idiot, stay away from my niece or you will not be able to have sex with even boys your age.
 
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TrzVpr

Guest
gryndor said:
You know... Pluto is transiting the Earth right now. That may be your problem! :D

Sounds like your doing a lot of justification and not a lot of rational thinking. This girl, if like she says "you guys can get away with this if no one knows," is going to lead your situation to places that you will not "morally" go.

For all your words, rationalizations, assurances, permissions, etc. you are NOT doing the right thing, and the girl is WAY too young to know the difference. YOU should.

Gryn
Best piece of advice I have heard so far. (the Truth)
Yeah I know I mispelled Platonic but didnt bother to fix it. =)
 
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