Help!

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? CA
Our grandchildren were taken away from our son and daughter-in-law by CPS because of domestic violence and drug abuse 9 months ago. There are three boys, one who is in foster care (the youngest) and two who live with their mother's mother. Their father (our son) is living with his birth mother in a 2 bedroom apt, and their mother has been through rehab and now is in a sober living home. Our son has no job and his mother (whom he lives with) is on medical leave, soon to lose her job. We have been told that the court will soon be giving the youngest son back to his father. We feel that they are premature in trying to reunite them because our son shows know signs of being able to be responsible enough in the raising his son. Our son has had a history of drug abuse and anger problems that date back 5 years. Just because he has completed a series of (less than ten) urine tests in a 3 month period, and completed some parenting and anger management classes; in our opinion does not make him ready to care for our grandson. How can we stop this from happening, and what options do we have as grandparents? There is alot more to this story, but this is the latest in what has led us to seek information as to what we can do!

--PARIDISE-- said:

Although you seem caring as to the children, your opinion is not the judges opinion.

I understand your concern, but if the judge is ready to give Dad custody, then you have no say.

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And, if you were to intervene the child might stay in foster care indefinitely...or the parental rights might be terminate and the child adopted out. Getting children out of foster care as quickly as possible, is important. Why was the child place in foster care rather than with you or one of the other grandparents?

LdiJ said:

And, if you were to intervene the child might stay in foster care indefinitely...or the parental rights might be terminate and the child adopted out. Getting children out of foster care as quickly as possible, is important. Why was the child place in foster care rather than with you or one of the other grandparents?

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And that is NOT right. Or, are you saying that placing children with just ANYONE is better than foster care where the majority of people give up their homes, lives and their time to care for a child that will someday be taken from them just because it's the right thing to do?

To the original poster, I have but one question: When do you find time to step down off the cross so that you can become judge and jury?

BelizeBreeze said:

And that is NOT right. Or, are you saying that placing children with just ANYONE is better than foster care where the majority of people give up their homes, lives and their time to care for a child that will someday be taken from them just because it's the right thing to do?

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The foster care system has a lot of problems. I think that is pretty well known.

When you see a situation where two out of three children are placed with extended family (which cps is supposed to try to do) and the YOUNGEST is placed in foster care, then something unusual is going on.

If the extended family is fit and loves the child...then getting the child out of foster care, and back into the family fold....before cps starts thinking about adoption...is important.

LdiJ said:

The foster care system has a lot of problems. I think that is pretty well known.

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And do you always make assumptions based on what you see in the news? Want to know the percentage of 'problems' with the foster care system as opposed to the number of children who are helped? Does your assumption include the 1,000s of orphanages, halfway homes and other avenues of childcare?

The latest statistics from the U.S. department of health shows that less than 3.7% of children in the 'foster-care' system are abused, lost or otherwise mistreated. That is too high a number I know but to label the 'system' as troubled ignores the fact that 1,000s of children would have no other place to grow without it.

And I thank God for the system that gave me a home for two years. So now, tell me that placing a child in a family that never wanted them to begin with is better. I'm all ears.

help

While I would like to thank each and everyone of you for your post’s, I was not looking for a chat room. We are sincerely looking for answers, not debates on who is judging who. Like I said, there is more to this story. Our son and daughter-in-law have been using drugs long before these grandchildren were born. Two of them are going to be mentally impaired and challenged to learn for the rest of there lives. Am I judging, no! But we have a history here and know our children well. Just to add a special note we were very pleased with the care they have received from the wonderful foster families! The two oldest were in foster care and doing very well, until one of the grandparents who is an enabler to her own child; instructed the grandchildren to tell the foster parents that they were suppose to tell on them to the grandmother if they were touched in their privates. That scared the foster parents to relinquish the grandchildren. You see my son has lied to CPS about my wife and I also being drug and alcohol abusers, and that we verbally abused the grandchildren regarding their disabilities. These allegations were dismissed, but caused the above foster family to think that might happen to them. Please, if anyone can tell us what legal rights we have or whom we can talk to, that would listen to the facts about our children and grandchildren; we would welcome their counsel.

BelizeBreeze said:

And I thank God for the system that gave me a home for two years. So now, tell me that placing a child in a family that never wanted them to begin with is better. I'm all ears.

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I wasn't talking about those kinds of abuses in the foster care system.

I have heard stories from hundreds of grandparents and other extended family members about the difficulty in getting very young children back out of foster care...not necessarily even to go back to their parents, but to get them in into kinship care as opposed to foster care.

I have also heard stories from hundreds of grandparents etc., about fighting for kinship care only to have the children put up for adoption. I have heard from grandparents who didn't fight for kinship care because they were afraid that they couldn't properly care for their grandchildren, only to lose them completely when CPS decided to adopt them out.

If a very young child is placed with foster families they often get attached and want to adopt the child, which gives the extended family another party that is fighting against them.

It doesn't seem to happen with older children. (or at least not as much)

I find it odd that CPS placed the two older children with family but put the youngest in foster care. This family DOES seem to want the children and therefore I believe that they face risks if the child remains in foster care too long.

wjb said:

While I would like to thank each and everyone of you for your post’s, I was not looking for a chat room. We are sincerely looking for answers, not debates on who is judging who. Like I said, there is more to this story. Our son and daughter-in-law have been using drugs long before these grandchildren were born. Two of them are going to be mentally impaired and challenged to learn for the rest of there lives. Am I judging, no! But we have a history here and know our children well. Just to add a special note we were very pleased with the care they have received from the wonderful foster families! The two oldest were in foster care and doing very well, until one of the grandparents who is an enabler to her own child; instructed the grandchildren to tell the foster parents that they were suppose to tell on them to the grandmother if they were touched in their privates. That scared the foster parents to relinquish the grandchildren. You see my son has lied to CPS about my wife and I also being drug and alcohol abusers, and that we verbally abused the grandchildren regarding their disabilities. These allegations were dismissed, but caused the above foster family to think that might happen to them. Please, if anyone can tell us what legal rights we have or whom we can talk to, that would listen to the facts about our children and grandchildren; we would welcome their counsel.

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You can talk to the children's caseworker. There really isn't anyone else that can help you, unless you take it further up the line within CPS. Just realize that if you do this, there is a chance that the parent's rights could be completely terminated, and the child placed for adoption. You may feel that is best for the child, and if so, you don't need to worry about that. However I feel it only fair to give you that warning.

ljsam said:

Get a Lawyer, Get the parents to sign "Physical School Custody Rights and Visitation" to YOU as grandparents,or to relatives, and have both set of grandparents and biological parents, sign, Notary, Legal agreement, and also include written, recommendations from your church, neighbors etc. then give copys to CPS. and even the judge. so they will then want to give someone in your family the children.
Before dum parents do something else or sign away/or have rights taken away.
Get Papers sign, all work together,as a family, so that the children can have a
School,Food,Love, know there family cares. The CPS, will get the message.

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Ljsam, when are you going to learn anything from this forum...

First, the children are in the custody of CPS. The parents are not now the legal guardians and have no legal rights to sign anything regarding the children.

Second, What papers are you referring to? Do you mean a bill of sale? Lease the children out?

And last, grandparents have NO inherent rights. PERIOD. Even if the parent's rights are taken away, the grandparents, as well as anyone else living, can petition the court for custody. But, since the children are already in CPS custody, the playing field is wide open.

Now this is the second time you've made a post with absolutely NO VALUE.

Want to keep it up?