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Grandparents' rights in CA

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jenn tavares

Junior Member
What is the name of your state?Ca (Northern)
My mother, with whom I have sporadic contact with, is threatening to sue for visitation rights, as we are not on speaking terms and she is repeatedly putting my two teenage kids in the middle of our disagreement. She has had on and off access to them, through me, over the years, but lately is almost "harassing" me. My ex-husband and I share custody and are in agreement that she has taken this issue too far and it is not in the best interest of our kids to contact them until she can be more respectful (mainly of me as a mother). She never has had any legal rights to my children, and neither their father or I have any underlying issues. I did at 16 Emancipate myself ( due to her over controlling behavior). What can she get? What do I do now? Get a restrianing order?
 


B

BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
Tell your ex that IF momma dearest proceeds with such an idiotic ploy, the BOTH of you join in an action against her. Then tell mommy-dearest to read Troxel.

She has nothing.
 
LdiJ

LdiJ

Senior Member
jenn tavares said:
What is the name of your state?Ca (Northern)
My mother, with whom I have sporadic contact with, is threatening to sue for visitation rights, as we are not on speaking terms and she is repeatedly putting my two teenage kids in the middle of our disagreement. She has had on and off access to them, through me, over the years, but lately is almost "harassing" me. My ex-husband and I share custody and are in agreement that she has taken this issue too far and it is not in the best interest of our kids to contact them until she can be more respectful (mainly of me as a mother). She never has had any legal rights to my children, and neither their father or I have any underlying issues. I did at 16 Emancipate myself ( due to her over controlling behavior). What can she get? What do I do now? Get a restrianing order?
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I agree with Belize that in CA, with the united opposition of both parents, she shouldn't stand a chance of winning a case.

However, gpv and teenagers is a little bit different animal. Teenager's wishes are VERY controlling when it comes to gpv. Its very rare for teenagers to WANT to be on a court ordered visitation schedule with grandparents therefore if teenagers are involved grandparents also ususally don't stand a chance of winning...however if your mother is someone who "buys" the kids love???..then it could get tricky.

I agree that you should tell her to "pound sand"...however if she actually goes through with suing...you should make sure that your teenagers realize that it would mean that they would have a schedule where they would be REQUIRED to visit with grandma..on specific days and at specific times (even if they had something else they wanted/needed to do)...not where they chould CHOOSE when and where to visit grandma.
 
J

jenn tavares

Junior Member
Cosidering the aforementioned circumstances, would it be wise to try to obtain a TRO as a preemptive measure? My mother is driving by my home, leaving (non-abusive) phone messages, and mailing "phone cards" to their father's home (encouraging my children to contact her without my knowledge), disrupting his family as well. I hate to "stir the pot" so to speak, but I do believe that further action is to come and I am unsure as to whether or not to make the first move. Does a response to an action filed appear more reasonable, as opposed to a preemptive measure? I do not fear for the safety of myself or my children, the behavior is just bothersome and ridiculous. I am trying to be reasonable in an unreasonable situatipn.
 
LdiJ

LdiJ

Senior Member
jenn tavares said:
Cosidering the aforementioned circumstances, would it be wise to try to obtain a TRO as a preemptive measure? My mother is driving by my home, leaving (non-abusive) phone messages, and mailing "phone cards" to their father's home (encouraging my children to contact her without my knowledge), disrupting his family as well. I hate to "stir the pot" so to speak, but I do believe that further action is to come and I am unsure as to whether or not to make the first move. Does a response to an action filed appear more reasonable, as opposed to a preemptive measure? I do not fear for the safety of myself or my children, the behavior is just bothersome and ridiculous. I am trying to be reasonable in an unreasonable situatipn.
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I would advise against a TRO. It would just "stir the pot". She may be doing this because she has talked to an attorney and has been advised that the teenager's wishes would have real impact...so she is attempting to find a way to ascertain or influence their wishes. However as you admit yourself she is merely being annoying...therefore you going after a TRO might simply make you look vindictive.

Is your ex in your corner on this? What is he doing with the mail that arrives at his house? How do your kids feel about this?
 
J

jenn tavares

Junior Member
Grabdparents' rights in CA

Thanks LDiJ. To answer your question, my ex would prefer not to be involved to any degree- his general path in life is one of "inaction"; however he was around when I filed for emancipation as a teenager and remembers the issues and drama surrounding it. He has stated that he hoped there woud be another way to resolve this situation, but that whatever is necessary, he will support my descisions. As far as my kids go (they are 12 1/2 and 14), they are extremely protective of me and feel that "Grandma is acting psycho" (their terminology). They love their grandparents, but as teenagers often are: out of sight, out of mind. They have not once asked to call their grandparents or visit, and I think sadly enough, if it comes down to it, they'll miss the (birthday and xmas) gifts more than anything. The mail that was sent to my kids via my ex was given to the kids by their Dad's live-in girlfriend, who wasn't really aware until after the fact that there were issues at hand. She is now up to speed, is a very reasonable person, and agrees with whatever my ex and I decide. I feel poorly that my ex and his new family have to deal with my nutty mother, but, as they say, you can't pick your parents.
 
J

jenn tavares

Junior Member
Grandparents' rights in Ca

I have no problem addressing that -- my mother was extremely controlling. At 16 I was on Independant Study (I was ahead of my class) and I worked full time (was fully self- supporting) and independant. My mother had allowed my boyfriend at the time (my future ex and the children's father) to live with us for about six months, until she began a relationship with a man who didn't like the set up and she decided to kick out my (ex). I wanted to leave as well, however (my now ex) was 18 and I didn't want any legal reprocussions, so I filed and was granted Emancipation, after which I propmtly moved into my own apartment. We married about a year and a half later and had the children. I have never again lived (even temporarily)with my mother, and as the years went by I let past "wrongs" go in the interest of have a decent relationship with her. I am now 32 and tired of catering to my mother's whims and moods. At some point being an adult needs to mean something, and I don't want to subject my children to the criticism and fluctuation in their grandmother's temperment that has been so extreme as of late.
 
S

Shay-Pari'e

Senior Member
jenn tavares said:
I have no problem addressing that -- my mother was extremely controlling. At 16 I was on Independant Study (I was ahead of my class) and I worked full time (was fully self- supporting) and independant. My mother had allowed my boyfriend at the time (my future ex and the children's father) to live with us for about six months, until she began a relationship with a man who didn't like the set up and she decided to kick out my (ex). I wanted to leave as well, however (my now ex) was 18 and I didn't want any legal reprocussions, so I filed and was granted Emancipation, after which I propmtly moved into my own apartment. We married about a year and a half later and had the children. I have never again lived (even temporarily)with my mother, and as the years went by I let past "wrongs" go in the interest of have a decent relationship with her. I am now 32 and tired of catering to my mother's whims and moods. At some point being an adult needs to mean something, and I don't want to subject my children to the criticism and fluctuation in their grandmother's temperment that has been so extreme as of late.
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That does not matter, and it is not an issue.
 
J

jenn tavares

Junior Member
Grandparents' rights in Ca

Relevant or not, I don't want it to appear as if I am not divulging any info that might be pertinent. There is no measure by which I could be considered a poor or neglectful parent; I am completely responsible, have no issues of any kind (nor do my kids), am remarried. I am involeved with the kids and their school and activites, and I have a good relationship with my ex. My mother just wants to call the shots, expect her "advice or suggestions" be followed, and critique every move I make. I removed myself from this situation by not responding to her every call or suggestion. Her response is to threaten to sue me to see the grandkids she hasn't bothered to call in two months, as she has nothing left to hold over me. Because she has the resources and "gumption" to pursue her point, I have to take this threat seriously and define what my rights and responsibilities are.
 
LdiJ

LdiJ

Senior Member
jenn tavares said:
Relevant or not, I don't want it to appear as if I am not divulging any info that might be pertinent. There is no measure by which I could be considered a poor or neglectful parent; I am completely responsible, have no issues of any kind (nor do my kids), am remarried. I am involeved with the kids and their school and activites, and I have a good relationship with my ex. My mother just wants to call the shots, expect her "advice or suggestions" be followed, and critique every move I make. I removed myself from this situation by not responding to her every call or suggestion. Her response is to threaten to sue me to see the grandkids she hasn't bothered to call in two months, as she has nothing left to hold over me. Because she has the resources and "gumption" to pursue her point, I have to take this threat seriously and define what my rights and responsibilities are.
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Sadly, many gpv cases are just like your potential one. They are about control (in cases of parents suing their own children). Grandparents discover that they can no longer control their adult children, and therefore try to control them via the grandkids. Its a really sad situation.
 
J

jenn tavares

Junior Member
Grandparents' rights in Ca

That is absolutely the case here. Is this something (grandparents trying to exert control) that is frequently seen and/or recognized in courts these days? Either way I want to maintain and protect whatever inherent rights I have, without appearing vindictive or unstable. I am extremely concerned that if I do not take some type of action, my inaction will negate my rights to oppose any kind of visitation before the matter could be heard before a Judge. I wish this would "blow over" but I think it unlikely. Would retaining counsel to draft a letter be an option, or seem overt and aggressive? I feel like I need a direction to move in.
 
G

gml659

Member
Well the lAWyers ain't gonna like what I say:

Once you go down the legal path it is often hard to turn around. There will often be something in the "agreement" (motion, decree, BS) that will make you have to keep goin back to the CourtHouse. The Law Industry is just as good as the tobacco industry is in getting you "hooked" into the system.

I would try alternatives first (no particular order):

Counseling. Maybe your Mom and you could go to a really good family therapist.

Mediation.

Organizations. Look on the WWW and see if there aren't groups out there that can help you. Do a megasearch like http://www.mamma.com put in terms like "Parent Child Problems" ot something like that.

I would use the legal avenue LAST. This is WHY I asked you the question earlier.

GML (aka GIMLET)

YES.....I KNOW THERE ARE SPELLING/SYNTAX ERRORS.
YES.....I TOOK MY MEDS.
YES.....I HAVE AN ATTORNEY.
 
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