This does not make sense...

What is the name of your state? PENNSYLVANIA

We just discovered that our 14 year old daughter has been having concentual sex with a 20 year old male. She had asked permission to date this person, told us he was 18, not 20, although she knew, and we told her at the time that a relationship with this person was not only out of the question, but illegal) He knew how old she was as well. Her whole demenor has changed since meeting this male 2 months ago. We have found that she has been secretly meeting him and having UNPROTECTED sex on several occasions.(this is a child who took a very strong position against risky sexual behavior - until now) This whole thing was uncovered when she came home this weekend high. (another new "first") She did not appear to be under the influence of alcohol, as she says. It is possible that she took or was given Ecstasy or a similar drug because of the way she was behaving. She is now in a mental facility under suicide watch due to self-abuse (cutting herself) when told we were taking steps to ensure she was never going to be able to see him again, and that we were going to press charges because this is statutory rape, and even tho she concented, the age spread and her age makes him a criminal. The age of consent in PA is 16.
This is where the confusion set in -
When we spoke to the police district, they said WE, as parents could not do anything - that SHE had to press charges as a "victim". This is never going to happen - she won't even give us his last name, and doesnt see herself victimized in any way. We are now waiting a drug screen and pregnancy test that was done at the hospital - however, they cannot run an HIV test there, so that has to wait. (i might also add here that the hospital staff said we (parents) probably would not be able to get the results of the testing - unless it is by court order.) What is going on here? Is any of this possible? - If the legal age of consent here is 16 - then how can this guy have unprotected sex with my 14 year old daughter and I can't do a thing about it???????????? I don't understand any of this, and am losing my grip. - thanks so much.

Okay, I would get another opinion. Whoever you spoke with at the police department was wrong ... unless PA is THAT out of step with the rest of the country! Talk to the prosecutor's office - they will know for sure and should be able to give you direction.

Additionally, the hospital staff may be wrong on that as well ... it is YOUR insurance, YOUR child, YOU sign the releases, YOU get the results!

PA can't be that whacked! California is a liberal haven and even *I* could get that info from the doctors and poress charges for Stat. rape.

You need to corral this kid, report her missing when she takes off, and reign her in big time.

I pray that she has neither caught anything nor gotten pregnant. And it sounds like she needs to be treated like a little child ... given permission to watch TV, dress in clothes SHE wants, etc.

- Carl

CdwJava said:

Additionally, the hospital staff may be wrong on that as well ... it is YOUR insurance, YOUR child, YOU sign the releases, YOU get the results!

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One would think so....but - it went like this...MY insurance, MY child, SHE signed the releases, SHE spoke to the intake and the doctors I didn't even know she was being admitted!
The only thing they wanted from me was the insurance card! When she went into the evalustion room, and i got up to follow, the doctor told me "Oh, i work one-on-one - she's 14." Yes, I was denied access to the room! I asked at the desk what was up with that, and they said it is standard procedure (confirmed by a few of my friends) for a child who is 14 or older - they can sign themselves in without parental involvement, and the hospitals prefer to do it that way because they ar the "patient" - so, HAHA, a 14 year old signed a gaurentor paper.
On the "flip side" - I get a call today telling me to be at a "FAMILY MEETING TOMORROW AM AT 10. I hope i don't get sarcastic - with all of this stress, they may keep me!

File a complaint with the district attorney. HE/SHE CAN file charges and can subpoena the results of the aids test. If it comes back positive(and I pray it doesn't) this is no longer a statutory rape case but may turn into a felony assault case.

Go file the complaint now.

P.S. take your family attorney to this "FAMILY" meeting.

I agree with Belize Breeze! don't sit down for this! Perverts are out there everyday and there are laws on this.

Problems with the hospital aside, am I the only one who has a problem with a 14 year old being able to date to begin with or to have the freedom to get into the trouble she is now in? Ok, I know I'm old (40) and was raised in a different world, but in our house the girls (and boys) were not allowed to "date" until we were 16 and that was ONLY after my parents met the boy I was going to go out with! I'm not saying I didn't do things growing up that I shouldn't have but for the most part my parents knew where I was and who I was with but at 14 I was usually HOME with my parents! Like CdwJavasaid, you need to corral this child. It sounds like she has WAY too much freedom for a 14 year old. Not all of this is the 20 year old boys fault.

I agree. Whether you thought this other person was 20 or 18, this child is only 14!!!!! How could she be allowed in unchaperoned situations at that age? Much less allowed to "date" as a couple?. At 14, I was only allowed to date kids near my age, but that meant going to school dances or football games, Bar Mitzvah parties, etc. My parents would NEVER have allowed me to be with someone they though was 18 when I was only 14.

And at that age THEY or the other child's parents took us to and from, and only left us in supervised environments. And yes, they needed to meet the child I wanted to date (or know the family) first. There is a universe if difference between 14 and 18, much less 20.

At 14, I wasn't allowed to date at all. Groups only.

cbg said:

At 14, I wasn't allowed to date at all. Groups only.

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and I didn't have my first date until I was 19. And it wasn't because I was a bow-legged, longhaired, hippy pot-smoking freak who rode a Kawasaki 750 mini-chop with a hard tail or the fact that I had beat the crap out of a cop at the age of 17 or the fact that I was already an alcoholic....

Or was it?

cbg said:

At 14, I wasn't allowed to date at all. Groups only.

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What we called a "date" at 14 was if a guy asked you to go to the school dance with him, or the school football game. But the parents always took us there and back, and they were public events.

But we did mostly go out in groups, and someone's parents always drove, and we could not be hanging out at someone's house unless the parents had confirmed who would be there chaperoning.

Must have worked. WE all got through college and into self-sufficient adulthood with no detours.

BelizeBreeze said:

I was a bow-legged, longhaired, hippy pot-smoking freak who rode a Kawasaki 750 mini-chop with a hard tail or the fact that I had beat the crap out of a cop at the age of 17 or the fact that I was already an alcoholic....

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And YOU'd beat the crap out of YOUR kids (figuratively, of course) if they tried to act anything like you did, right?

My mother must have been really strict on me then.
Monday through Friday I wasnt allowed to go anywhere excepts with her. Homework then chores were to be done everyday with no exceptions. School functions *laughs* I could only go IF all my grades were over at least a C minus.
As far as dating, Not till I was 17 and she had to meet the guy, his family and had to have known and talked to all for at least a month before she would let me go anywhere and there Always had to be a Parent present.

You people all sound extremly old

nextwife said:

And YOU'd beat the crap out of YOUR kids (figuratively, of course) if they tried to act anything like you did, right?

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Damn straight. Then I'd lock them up until they turn 50

My kids know that dating isn't even an option until HS. Then it will depend on grades, the girl/boy involved, where they want to go, etc. Until then, they're allowed to go to friends' houses, or friends are allowed to come here (the more usual result) as long as a parent is present. 14 w/an 18 yo? LOLOLOL Dream on, kiddos!