another girlfriend looking to get ex-wife to shape up

We live in Massachusetts. My boyfriend concluded his divorce last year. His ex-wife gets to reside in his family home with their children, gets all rental income from the apartment on-site, and then either has to buy him out or sell when the kids reach 18. it is written into the contract that she is responsible to make all mortgage payments on time, but so far she has been up to 60 days late four times in the last twelve months. He is interested in buying a home so we don't have to pay rent, but, she is rapidly destroying his credit and thus his prospects. She is 'allergic' to work also. he pays child support, and she could easily make enough renting the apartment to pay the mortgage, so it's not like she has any heavy burden on her, and the kids are all teenagers. anyway - since it *is* written into the agreement that she is supposed to be on time, we want to take legal action, but his lawyer is not exactly quick to respond to our inquiries (the same guy who never mentioned that my BF might want to consider getting her to refinance or get his name off the mortgage - you want to know the truth, i practically wrote the divorce agreement myself because this guy was letting him get so screwed, but that's another story. he was cheap representation).

i have read that we may be limited to filing a civil suit. i have read elsewhere here that people would need to file suit, but i'm trying to find out what kind of suit, and get more info on what the process is and what we might legitimately try to get. bottom line is we want to force her to be more responsible. best case is we force her to sell the house, which i believe is in the agreement if she doesn't keep up the mortgage payment, or move in and take over custody of the kids. Boyfriend is worried they will up his child support requirements if we take her to court, but damn - she has potentially free room and half her board paid at least with the money for the kids, she doesn't work even though she is able bodied and has ample time and opportunity to train if she needed job skills, i find it hard to believe any court would award her more money. she needs to be awarded a swift kick in the ass.

any advice, insight, suggestions, direction would be greatly appreciated, thank you!

your boyfriend needs to file a contempt motion with the family court for his ex's failure to make timely mortgage payments.

thank you stephenk. that was exactly what i needed to know.

i never said teenagers are easy to raise. i meant that she doesn't have to stay home to watch them every second, the way you do with very young children. she spends exactly zero time with them now anyway, they are basically raising themselves except for the time they spend with us. she spends all her time going out with her new boyfriend or other friends. she can't find a part-time job while they are in school, even though she's trained for office work and could easily temp (i've done it, i know) - no, she has to take night jobs if she works at all, so that she has the house to herself all day, then goes out at night and leaves them at home alone. she blames them for her sexual and relationship troubles to their faces. i could go on and on about her horrible parenting skills, complete unreliability, and borderline personality, but there wouldn't be much point, as you'd have to take my word for it. but, believe me, it IS a 'we' situation. i may have no rights, but this effect me as well as my boyfriend every day. WE can't get on with our lives together because of her behavior and irresponsibility. WE can't buy a house or do anything because she is destroying his credit. i would take the kids in a heartbeat, i love them, i've already made more sacrifices on their behalf than she ever has. unlike her, i put their well-being ahead of my own 24/7. my BF has to make all their doctor appointments, take them, go to all the parent-teacher meetings, etc. because she has a more important social life (not, like, a job or anything) than her own kids. They didnt' see a dentist for over 2 years when it was left up to her, even though it's fully covered by the health insurance that my BF maintains. we just got a call from the school today because the two 13 year olds didn't show up. you think she knows, or would call the school if she did know? she doesn't work, she doesn't clean the house, she does NOTHING, she is a total deadbeat. my BF works full-time, shells out 2/3 of his income to the state and this woman, has been nothing but responsible or helpful, has offered to help her refinance to keep up with the bills - she is the one who is blocking her own forward movement. she is the one who doesn't show up to pick up the kids or call. she is the one who is never home when it's time for them to go back. so don't lecture me about child care. you aren't here and you don't have to deal with this basket case every week and every month and every year. if you don't think i'm a part of this situation or effected by this situation, you don't understand the nature of a partnership, married or not.

ellie

I understand what you are saying about your involvement, but I do want to issue a word of advice. It is not a criticism, nor does it denigrate your emotional involvement or commitment. But, understand this as it is said...YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS. Even if/when you and your boyfriend marry, you STILL have no rights. The marriage was between him and her, the divorce is between him and her.

But you are right in stating the aftereffects of the marriage and divorce do involve you and effect you. It is one of the hardest parts of being involved with someone who has an ex-spouse and/or children from a previous relationship. You get to deal with all the fallout, emotional and financial, but your 'say' in these things is limited to your boyfriend's ear. I lot of us have plenty to 'say' to the our current's ex's, but you do have to be careful. It is possible for that person to get a no contact order issued against you, and for that person, as the rightful parent, to make things very messy and a big pain in the butt for the person you love as well as for the kids.

The simple truth is, too many 'second's', be it wife or girlfriend, come on these boards and pitch a fit and complain about how horrible the mother is, how much money she is getting, etc., etc. After several postings, many, too many, finally show themselves to be more interested in keeping the money for themselves, for the new life they are setting up with the father, or even for the new or intended subsequent children. All this is just to say, ignore the hostility you got, it wasn't warranted from your question.

DO NOT ignore the advice you were given, though. Your b/f can file a Petition to Rule to Show Cause, showing she was late by x number of days on the mortgage x number of times. State specifically where in the Marital Settlement Agreement it states she has to pay, and pay on time. You can also put in that he is paying his child support of x dollars on time, and that she is collecting x dollars in rental income, thereby proving her ability to pay.

If you can, also state (and be able to prove) that your b/f had a credit rating of x, but now his credit rating is x because of these late mortgage payments. Have him go to a bank or mortgage broker and get in writing that with his previous credit rating he could have qualified for a new mortgage with an interest rate of x, but now will have to pay points or a higher interest rate, resulting in x amount of dollars more per month. You probably won't get any of that money because he hasnt actually put it out (yet), but it is a good, strong argument for making her either sell or refinance in her name only sooner rather than later, thereby saving his credit from further deterioration.

Ask for relief in the form of either 1)she sells or 2) she refinances in x amount of days. Usually, she has to list the house within 30 days, cooperate with a realtor, etc. or she has 60 days to refinance, taking him off the loan and paying him whatever he is to be awarded per the MSA.

None of this is hard, and you can do this yourself, but, if you can pay an attorney to do it for you and do it competently, whatever it costs is worth it.