Hoping to Avoid a Trial

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? Florida

My husband and I have resolved everything except one financial divorce issue. I thought this issue had been resolved early in the divorce process because he had offered me 45% of his pension, and I had accepted. Now, he says he made a mistake in the way he figured things and using the correct method, my actual share would be reduced to approximately 34%. If I agree to what he wants, I will lose approximately $200. in monthly income and over a projected remaining life span of approximately 20 years (we are both 58), he stands to gain $36,000 plus any COLAs. I have offered a number of compromises (including offering to split the difference and accept $100 more a month instead of the previously agreed on $200) and he has rejected all of them, saying that for this amount of money that he stands to lose, it's worth the expense of a trial if necessary. Our attorneys have pretty much been letting us try to negotiate this last issue. Things are tight financially for me and I don't look forward to the expense of a trial for just one thing. My husband's attorney had decided to drop him as a client just a few weeks ago and somehow he talked her into keeping him as a client. He told me that she said SHE made a mistake in ordering a hearing to dismiss him as a client (I doubt that, knowing how difficult he is to reason with). We have a long term marriage of over 30 years. We do have another mediation set for December, but I know he's going for all or nothing. I have even told him that if he remains unwilling to compromise and insists on a trial, I'll seek reimbursement for attorney/legal fees. Because we are currently splitting his salary 50/50 (I don't work because of health issues). He says because of this, judgment on legal fees would also be ordered 50/50. I think he resents having had to compromise at all in any way throughout this whole process and he's determined to go full steam ahead on this final issue. If we end up at trial, can I use information about a significant personal inheritance he had during our marriage that he told me he didn't intend to share with me and put all the proceeds into a personal account to protect them? Can you think of anything that could be said to him that may convince him to settle rather than go to court? He's definitely a person who avoids confrontation at all costs, so I don't understand why he's not looking to avoid a trial.

Thanks.

Hmmm...Sounds to me like he is willing to confront when its HIS money that you are willing to take for staying at home under his paid roof. funny how a spouse who was given a better lifestyle , paid meals, vacations, and insurance turns around and wants more. Be glad he is willing , and the courts allow you to request spousal support. Take what is being offered, this nickle and dime squabble is irrelevant in the scheme of things. Just think of it as now its an opportunity for you to be independent and earn a living of your own. I surely do hope you plan on becoming a productive member of the workforce! This economy needs more workers and less mouchers.

Tayla said:

Hmmm...Sounds to me like he is willing to confront when its HIS money that you are willing to take for staying at home under his paid roof. funny how a spouse who was given a better lifestyle , paid meals, vacations, and insurance turns around and wants more. Be glad he is willing , and the courts allow you to request spousal support. Take what is being offered, this nickle and dime squabble is irrelevant in the scheme of things. Just think of it as now its an opportunity for you to be independent and earn a living of your own. I surely do hope you plan on becoming a productive member of the workforce! This economy needs more workers and less mouchers.

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Uh...they had a 30 year marriage. She is entitled to what she is recieving. She is also 58 years old. If you think she is going to just be able to enter the workforce NOW and a "get a job" that is going to support her then you are living in fantasyland. Its also offensive to talk about this as a "nickle and dime squabble". Obviously you don't have any retired family trying to make it on a pension or social security. To them 200.00 a month makes a HUGE difference.

You need to grow up and have some understanding of the issues you are commenting on.

Or..perhaps you do. Perhaps you are a second "trophy" wife that resents the responsiblity that your husband has to the wife of many years that he discarded to marry you?

LdiJ said:

Uh...they had a 30 year marriage. She is entitled to what she is recieving. She is also 58 years old. If you think she is going to just be able to enter the workforce NOW and a "get a job" that is going to support her then you are living in fantasyland. Its also offensive to talk about this as a "nickle and dime squabble". Obviously you don't have any retired family trying to make it on a pension or social security. To them 200.00 a month makes a HUGE difference.

You need to grow up and have some understanding of the issues you are commenting on.

Or..perhaps you do. Perhaps you are a second "trophy" wife that resents the responsiblity that your husband has to the wife of many years that he discarded to marry you?

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Refrain from such inaccurate assumptions. Thanks for sharing your opposing remarks.
My opinion stands.

Tayla said:

Refrain from such inaccurate assumptions. Thanks for sharing your opposing remarks.
My opinion stands.

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I did that on purpose. I was treating you with the same amount of respect that you gave to the original poster. I was making the same type of assumptions that you were making. Obviously you didn't care for that. I hope that makes you realize that the original poster probably didn't care for your comments either.

LdiJ said:

I did that on purpose. I was treating you with the same amount of respect that you gave to the original poster. I was making the same type of assumptions that you were making. Obviously you didn't care for that. I hope that makes you realize that the original poster probably didn't care for your comments either.

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To Mwalker- clearly you have the right to seek spousal support. And gather what means necessary to be an independent person. I recind my earlier comments that may have hit a nerve.

To LdiJ- Looking out for selective fellow posters is admirable.

I have read both your views

Thank you both for your differing opinions. I am proud to say that I was a stay-at-home Mom and have raised three responsible, happy, adult children. It was a no-brainer trade off for me to put my children first. Little did I know that I would be in the situation I am facing now--being a stay-at-home Mom will not provide me with any financial security for my remaining years. I will be at a real disadvantage in the work force, so, YES, I am fighting to retain every bit of financial security I possibly can. My husband already has another lady in his life--only took him a matter of weeks to move on. Again, if anyone has any perspective, I will appreciate any views. I pretty much have exhausted my ideas for compromise on this remaining issue. I' am also uncertain if Judges would be likely to grant my request to cover attorney fees/legal costs, if my husband remains unwilling to compromise and insists on resolving it through trial. Also, Tayla, I pay half the bills for the house out of my maintenance and and also make half the house payment. Raising 3 kids to be responsible, caring adults is equal to at least 2 1/2 jobs.

Just an FYI- Working and raising responsible children into adulthood are NOT mutually exclusive. My mom reentered the workforce at 41 to help support the family (when my dad developed his brain tumor), raised three kids who all obtained advanced degrees, have very good high profile careers, happy marriages and successful, accomplished children themselves.

My husband's dad died just before he was born, so his mom always worked, and he does very nicely and is both a great father and wonderful husband. I am nearing 50 myself, have a full-time position and am parent to a special needs child adopted from Bulgaria. So staying home is fine, and it's really great of one's spouse to give them the OPPORTUNITY to do that, but lets not go around saying that kids only turn out happy, moral and successful when moms don't contribute financially to the family or maintain their own assets, credit and retirement plans.

mwalker said:

Thank you both for your differing opinions. I am proud to say that I was a stay-at-home Mom and have raised three responsible, happy, adult children. It was a no-brainer trade off for me to put my children first. Little did I know that I would be in the situation I am facing now--being a stay-at-home Mom will not provide me with any financial security for my remaining years. I will be at a real disadvantage in the work force, so, YES, I am fighting to retain every bit of financial security I possibly can. My husband already has another lady in his life--only took him a matter of weeks to move on. Again, if anyone has any perspective, I will appreciate any views. I pretty much have exhausted my ideas for compromise on this remaining issue. I' am also uncertain if Judges would be likely to grant my request to cover attorney fees/legal costs, if my husband remains unwilling to compromise and insists on resolving it through trial. Also, Tayla, I pay half the bills for the house out of my maintenance and and also make half the house payment. Raising 3 kids to be responsible, caring adults is equal to at least 2 1/2 jobs.

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Honestly, after a 30 year marriage I thinks its very likely that a judge would give you 50% of his pension. I also think its quite probable that he would be ordered to pay your legal fees as well.