Need some advice

What is the name of your state? Michigan
Let me give you a little background first.
I have only been married for almost 4 1/2 years. The first year was so wonderful. Then he started going out all the time with his friend. Leaving me home with the kids ( 8yr old girl is mine from previous 3 yr old boyand now a 1 yr old girl from him) I was pretty much "barefoot and pregnant" for 3 years. He started treating me like crap. For the last 3 years I have been told that I dont deserve to celebrate Mothers day. That my body needs major work and my breast are too small. I have been told that we we have sex that he needs to imagine the victoria secret girls before he is able to have sex with me. He has just hurt me emotionally so badly. He has been telling me all the time that if this or that dont change that he will leave and take my kids with him. I feel like dying inside everytime. I will not let him take all the blame though I havent been the best wife to him but I have never said thoughtless and hurtfull things to him. He has accused me off cheating on him more times than I can count. I am just at the breaking point and I want out. The only problem is that I havent worked for the last 3+ years so i could stay home to take care of the kids per his request. I have no way to support myself when I go for a divorce but I need to know what I can expect from getting a divorce from this man. What kind of help I can get. If once Divorce papers are filed if we will then be legally seperated. I know that in order to get on my feet I will need either Spousal support payments or get use the welfare system for a time until I can get a job and my own place. I have no family with which I could move in with in the mean time but his parents would let him stay with them while this is all going on. I want my kids not because of the support issue but because I have loved and cared for them there entire lives he is hardly ever home and when he is he almost never does anything with them except yell at them to move out of the way so he can watch the tv. Please tell me what steps to take and what I can do.I have no money to speak of.
If it helps I live in Gratiot County in Michigan. Thanks!

First of all, you do need an attorney and the good news is that he'll end up having to pay for it (at the end) since you can't.

Secondly (and your attorney can tell you this), in most states if you have not worked for atleast 18 months he HAS to give you spousal support AND child support. But you need a court order for that, so get your attorney on it right away.

Third, don't fret about using the system for a short time if need be... that's the real purpose of it. Get on your feet, then back off the assistance and ultimately you'll be stronger for the experience. Most people can't take issue with someone who genuinely needs temporary assistance. And for those who do, to HELL with them. You do what you must to care for your kids. And they have interim medical coverage available, too.

Finally, as much as you don't want to put all the blame on him, don't go blaming yourself, either. My experience has been that those who constantly accuse you of cheating are often themselves cheating. It's the guilty, fearful conscience acting out..."if I am, she could be, too".... it's also a mechanism of keeping you in fear of being left, therefor keeping you in fear of questioning him. No matter what you are doing, nobody is justified in tearing apart your self esteem and making you fear for your security. And frankly, someone once threatened to take my kids from me and my response was to knock him in the dirt... figuratively. It made me feel my childrens' safety and security had been threatened, so I went on the offense and did everything I could to put him in his place and get the divorce done. Attorney first, naturally.

Good luck. Take care of yourself. And don't imagine (even in his nicer moments) that you "don't really need an attorney". That's a sucker's game, for sure.

Will I have to pay the attorney any up front costs? Oh and I should also say that instead of going with my gut feeling once again he has done the un imaginable and cleared out my bank account and put the money in an account I have no connection with. I am going to the welfare deparment Monday Morning to get State emergency help. I am then going to go to my bank and have his name removed from the account like I should have days ago. I know I can do this as I am the primary on that account and had it well before we ever got married. I am just at my wits end. I Know that once I get an attorney that i can get them to make him give half that money back but for now I need to pay my electric bill that he never paid and get propane that so me and my kids dont freeze. I was going to use the money in that account to pay for those. My electricity is to be turned of Monday after 5pm unless they get a payment. In my book him knowingly not paying for the electric and then moving out on me and not getting more propane before he left is neglectful on his part and child endangerment. I am soooo made right now I could spit nails. I just found out about the bills and how little propane I have left and that he cleared out the account last night. After business hours at the welfare office ofcourse. He called me and said "oh I wanted to let you know that the electric will be turned off moday and that the propane is almost out and oh yeah I cleared out the account. You are cut off" I only wish he was infront of me saying that so I could have smacked him.

oreilly72 has given you some very incorrect input. For starters, it is NOT a given that he will have to pay your legal fees. That is up to the judge to decide. Most lawyers will require being paid upfront, although you may find someone willing to make payment arrangements for you. You may be wise to contact Legal Aid to see if they can help.

Second, the input about alimony is also false. Alimony is increasingly difficult to get, and being out of the workforce for 18 months is not an automatic "gimme" for it. Three years out of the workforce is not considered unemployable - you will have to get yourself a job to help support your kids. These days most judges won't even consider alimony unless a marriage has been longer than ten years - and even then it would likely only be rehabilitative - unless there were extreme circumstances (i.e. disability during the marriage, a child with extreme special needs, etc).

Your husband was, unfortunately for you, well within his rights to empty the account out. Yes, you can probably get a portion of it back, but that, too, will be up to the judge. I would suggest calling the power company first thing Monday and see what you can work out - they may give you some time, as may the propane folks.

stealth2 said:

oreilly72 has given you some very incorrect input. For starters, it is NOT a given that he will have to pay your legal fees. That is up to the judge to decide. Most lawyers will require being paid upfront, although you may find someone willing to make payment arrangements for you. You may be wise to contact Legal Aid to see if they can help.

Second, the input about alimony is also false. Alimony is increasingly difficult to get, and being out of the workforce for 18 months is not an automatic "gimme" for it. Three years out of the workforce is not considered unemployable - you will have to get yourself a job to help support your kids. These days most judges won't even consider alimony unless a marriage has been longer than ten years - and even then it would likely only be rehabilitative - unless there were extreme circumstances (i.e. disability during the marriage, a child with extreme special needs, etc).

Your husband was, unfortunately for you, well within his rights to empty the account out. Yes, you can probably get a portion of it back, but that, too, will be up to the judge. I would suggest calling the power company first thing Monday and see what you can work out - they may give you some time, as may the propane folks.

Click to expand...

I dont want alimony so I can stay at home and not have to work. I want to work but I was asking about what they can do about getting me back on my feet. I know that he was in his rights to do that and that is why I will be well within my rights to take his name off the account seeing as I am the primary account holder. I have had that account well before he and I got married. I will be able to get half that money back but not until it goes before a judge. So please dont try to make me out to be money hungry cause that is far from the truth here. The man doesnt bring in tons of cash. I mean he is a tractor mechanic making maybe 32k a year. If I was money hungry I certainly wouldnt have married him. I have already talked to legal aid and in this county the only thing they will do is get me a DIY divorce kit that I have to file out myself. So not much help from them. I do have a appointment with the area Welfare office to see how they can help me because of the abuse issues I have had in this marriage for the last 3 years. And you are right it is up to the judge to decided many items on the long list that I need to discuss. I fully plan on talking with an attorney after my appointment on Monday. The Welfare office has a State emergency fund set up just for circumstances like this. Hopefully they can help otherwise I will have to see what I can work out.