I'm overwhelmed!

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?Florida

My wife left me over 5 months ago to "find herself". She left the house, her child from a previous marriage (who I have loved and cared for 24/7 for 5 years, I am the ONLY daddy this child has ever known - wife won't sign anything "legal" for even temporary custody of this little one) and "our" 3 year old. She took the car too. We signed an agreement between ourselves, her end stating that she would pay to help with the kids, she would see the kids on the weekends and as often as she could, that she would pay for HER OWN car and insurance (my lawyer says this is not even a valid paper to submit as evidence of an agreement - I was taught that even a handshake agreement "could" stand up in court...hmmmm). She has paid ZERO to help with the kids, bills, including not making her car payment (which is still in my name and about to become 3 months past due - I tried to go pick it up so I could sell it and she HID it from me) she's alos NOT paying for the insurance on it (I'm STILL paying that since the car is in my name!) She does NOT come see the kids (visited ONCE for an hour in the past 7 weeks!) PLUS, she helps herself to the bank account any time she feels like it (she left me and the kids with less than $10 to last us 2 weeks...not once but TWICE) and I can't even close the bank account because she refuses to sign off on it!! Well, DUH, I know I'm an idiot for leaving money in that account but with direct deposits and a military paycheck, it's not as easy as one might think to do that! OH did I mention that she DOES have a job? AND to top it all off, she smoking POT!!!!!

I have a lawyer, filed for divorce. Went to the 1st hearing and wife didn't file her divorce papers, didn't get a lawyer, showed up to court and acted like a "nut case" (my lawyers discription, not mine!). Judge gave her more time (she already had a month!)...did NOT discuss temporary child support, temporary ANYTHING!

My main question is...what in heavens name am I supposed to do until the courts decide to take action? Is this normal for a divorce to take months and months? Following this hearing, my lawyer (at my insistance) filed for temporary child support with the courts, haven't heard a word back (that's been 3 weeks ago) Lawyer filed "set" papers (as I understand that, it means she filed to have a court date set to finalize all of this....I guess that's what it meant) I'm so confused, overwhelmed and financially stretched (the lwayer has gotten over 3 grand from me already and still racking up costs) and I must sound like a nut case myself (for that I apologize) I needed to get this off my chest and MAYBE get a bit of advise for sanity sake!

Surely 5 months is ample time to change direct deposit to a different account - have you placed the wheels in motion? If not, you need to do so, and until it goes into effect, withdraw your pay as soon as it goes into that account.

Divorces generally take more than a couple of months - especially if one party or the other isn't cooperating.

Have you actually been to the payroll office and talked to them about stopping your direct deposit? My ex is military, it took him 4 months to get one started for me. In September when his child support was lowered he had managed to change it within 12 days. Talk to payroll, it can be done.

Open yourself a new account at the bank...in your name alone. Clean the account you have not out. Leave as little as the bank will allow you to and let her be surprised when she tries to get more money. More than likely she will be pissed because you will have changed the rules of the game.

As far what has been filed and how to keep up with it without having to pay your lawyer for every phone call you place trying to get info, you can call the court clerk. Just call the courthouse, talk to the court clerk and ask him/her if any paper work has been filed, if so what and when your case is on the docket. Get your case number and then when you are in the dark about what is going on you can just call the clerk again.

Your lawyer should be sending you copies of everything he files with the courts. If he hasn't then call the receptionist in his office and ask for copies of these things. Or better yet, go down to the courthouse and get copies....probably less expensive than getting copies from your expensive attorney.

Sounds like a mess and that your wife is lost in her own world. I wish you the best.
Beth

Being military myself, I just want to run a few things by you:

1. You can change your military pay direct deposit online at https://mypay.dfas.mil. It takes effect immediately (unless you're within a few days of payday, then next payday)

2. Have you discussed all of this with your first sergeant? Did you know he/she can help you with financial aid if you need it? If you're having trouble making ends meet and feeding the kids, you may want to ask for a month of advance pay to put into a new account until your dd is in effect (to stave off disaster). Also, if she is a drug user he will probably want to know this so he can have her kept at bay (including search at the gate when she tries to enter)... and you may want to have him send the base police with a dog to sniff out whatever might be left in your house and car so you aren't guilty by association.... for you non-military types, FYI we can be prosecuted and/or kicked out for hanging around people we know are using any illegal substances under the Uniform Code of Military Justice.

3. Does she have an income? If yours is sufficient to support kids, you may not see money back until after the final decree.