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Preparing For Divorce In Ny

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What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state?New York. I'm preparing to see a lawyer for the first time and considering divorce laws in New York state need to know what information is necessary. My situation is deep, I'll try to be brief. We live in a very small community, I've been married for 11 yrs, 3 young children (son-4, son-6 & daughter 9). My husband is compelled to encourage intimate relationships with other women (which is only 1 of his issues). He has always maintained that he has that right and gets is defensive when I object. Some of these "friendships" have turned into more than (I'm sure that there's alot that I don't know). 2 yrs ago a new family moved here and my husband initiated a friendship with the woman. My instincts told me that his usual pattern was going on-going out of his way to make himself seem like Mr. Wonderful, spending time with her and recreating with her, etc. Last Nov. I found Viagra and condoms in his drawer (he was sleeping in another room), so, I went in his car and discovered a note from this woman which said: "Hi Buddy, It's agonizing for me to hide my feelings and i don't suppose that I do a very good job of it. I love you, Your Better Half. Call Me, N". Furious, I went to his job and he wasn't there. A co-worker said: "he said that he was taking the day off to be with you"! I then called her husband (feeling like a fool). I drove th their house (she was gone for the day) and showed him the note. He said that it was his wife's handwriting and that he's known about it for months but didn't feel that it was his place to tell me about it. This man found his wife's diary and revealed to me what she wrote. She was deeply in love with my husband and wanted to spend the rest of her life with him (she, of course, destroyed this diary). I guess my husband told her it was over, so this couple decided to go to marriage counseling to save their marriage (she was devastated that the relationship with my husband had ended). Her husband told me the details that his wife was telling him and the counselor (which disgusted me). She said that my husband and she were using my mother-in-law's unoccupied house for their interludes. That they didn't have actual intercourse, but always got naked and engaged in other sexual acts (lovely to hear). Of course, my husband denies everything (as usual). He (again) promised to see a therapist and said that he wouldn't let me down. He's seen 2 this year and can't get it out (that he has a problem). He reverts to blaming our marriage issues on me. There's alot involved (emotional abuse). I can go on. I should have left him years ago. There's no excuse but he always schmoozed me back in and promised to change. He's incapable of change. I truely believe the way that he treats me (like a defiant child) reflects issues with his mother (fear). There's more (he had a separate bank acct & mailing address, etc.), we're in alot of debt, my family has given and loaned us thousands over the years. When his mother has given him money, he bought a new motorcycle, another time a new riding mower and things for himself, but......
Anyway, he wants a separation agreement-that he has dictated the tems (which are unacceptable to me). If anyone knows about New York law, is this note, and any information I have from other poeple enough to prove adultery? This is not the first time. What am I entitled to (?), meaning, is there a possibility that the judge will award me our house (for the children's sake). What information should I bring to the lawyer? Will he have to pay spousal support? I've been raising our children since birth. This other couple is legally separated now. My husband maintains a "friendship" with this woman (which, to me, is total disrespect). Will the judge consider any of this information or does it matter? Any input will be greatly appreciated. In a hurry, my apologies if this is not grammatically correct. Thanks.
 



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