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DV questions

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sassione

Junior Member
What is the name of your state?KS

My husband and I lost EVERYTHING after 9/11 due to mass layoffs. We were under considerable stress and fought constantly. One night, after a long argument, things got out of hand, and my husband pushed me. I fell backward and broke my arm. My husband left the house for work a few minutes later, not knowing that my arm was broken. My brother in law reported this to the police a few hours later, against my wishes, and my husband was arrested. I begged the police not to arrest him, and refuse to press charges. In the state of Kansas, when something like this happens, if the "victim" refuses to press charges, the state takes over and presses charges anyway. To keep it quiet and get it iver with quick, my husband pled guilty, not knowing what this could mean to his military career. He served 48 hours in jail, one year probation, completed anger management, and paid huge fines and costs. Still, no one said a thing about the effect this had on his military career. My husband is prior USMC, and currently National Guard- has served for 13 years. Recently I read about how a person who has been convicted of a "qualifying" domestic violence charge is not allowed to continue to serve in the military. Is there nothing we can do to save my husbands military status? What is "qualifying"? If my husband were to talk to JAG, would he be incriminating himself? What do we do now? This was not true domestic violence, it was an argument that got out of hand and caused an accident. My husband didn't intentionally break my arm. Shouldn't he have been told, when he made the decision to plead, what effects this would have? (If he had known, he would have gotten an attorney and fought it!)Thanks!
 


Happy Trails

Senior Member
sassione said:
....This was not true domestic violence, it was an argument that got out of hand and caused an accident. /QUOTE]

Lady, that is how most domestic violence happens. If he hadn't pushed you, you wouldn't have fallen and broken your arm.
 

badapple40

Senior Member
The DV charge renders him unable, under Federal Law, to carry a weapon, under any circumstances. He commits a federal felony every time he reports for a drill weekend.

He should report it to his superiors, so that it is later not found out and he the subject of more serious criminal matters.
 

sassione

Junior Member
<<< Lady, that is how most domestic violence happens. If he hadn't pushed you, you wouldn't have fallen and broken your arm.>>>

And if I hadn't yelled at him, he wouldn't have pushed me. And if he hadn't been laid off, we wouldn't have fought over money. And I could go on and on. Cause and effect... NOT domestic violence, and certainly not a crime in which there should be no second chance!
What I am trying to say is that this is NOT a realtionship where my husband comes home and beats me... or tries to control me... It is not an abusive relationship. He didn't attack me. We were both agruing. He had his back to me and was walking away. I was still yelling at him, and he turned around and pushed me as if to make me get away from him. Then he walked away. If he had pushed me and I had not broken my arm, none of it would have ever been reported. It was a reaction to a situation that was out of hand. We have been married 15 years, we grew up together. If he were abusive, I think I would know. I am looking for options on how to deal with this constructively, and how to save his military career. When it happened, all I heard was how my marriage was over, and family services informed me that I was stupid for staying with him. No one ever seems to want to offer anything constructive. I read up a little on the law, and the definition of domestic violence specifies "the use of physical force with the intent to harm".... He wasn't trying to HARM me, he was trying to stop me. This is not the stereo type everyone makes it out to be. I am not trying to defend him, but as far as I am concerned, he has paid for more than he should have already. I have read enough to know there are options. I am just trying to find out what they are and who to talk to. When you have faced 2 lay-offs in two years and the loss of everything you have worked 7 days a week to build, and you are fighting with your spouse, not able to provide for your children, or even sleep at night, all because someone decided to commit acts of terrorism, and you have no where to turn... let's see if you lose your temper!
 

sassione

Junior Member
<<<The DV charge renders him unable, under Federal Law, to carry a weapon, under any circumstances. He commits a federal felony every time he reports for a drill weekend.>>>

He is not required to carry, handle, or otherwise interact with any weapons during his drill weekend. He is not issued any weapons. With this in mind, he has not broken any laws. I also read where sometimes the "offender" is allowed to stay in the military. I have SEEN military men convicted of far worse intentional domestic violence remain in the military and continue their careers. Also, the law states "qualifying domestic violence conviction". There are loopholes, and I am just trying to find them.
 

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