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pat123

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pat123

Junior Member
What is the name of your state?Iowa
Our son has a 5 month old baby boy. We have seen him once out of the goodness of the mothers heart. Our son is being a jerk, no child support or visitation to the baby. The two are not married and he still has alot of growing up to do. He threatens the mother with legal things and tells everyone he is not allowed to see his son. This is not true, they have told him he can come and see him anytime but that he cannot leave the house with him. I don't blame them for that. They are more than willing to let my husband and me keep him for a weekend here and there, however their lawyer has advised them that it would not be a good idea because our son could come over and take him out of the house and there would be nothing we could do about it. I don't think our son is responsible enough at this time and he does not live with us. He lives with his biological mother. I don't want to get in the middle of a confrontation with the two, I would have to take the mother's side, she is doing very well raising our grandson, however I do want to be able to see him without chaperones. What can we do to be sure our son could not take him from our home and yet be able to see his son in our home, or at least be with us at times. We want our grandson in our lives and will do what is necessary so that the mother can feel it is safe to leave him with us .
Please advise ASAP
 


V

VeronicaGia

Senior Member
pat123 said:
What is the name of your state?Iowa
Our son has a 5 month old baby boy. We have seen him once out of the goodness of the mothers heart. Our son is being a jerk, no child support or visitation to the baby. The two are not married and he still has alot of growing up to do. He threatens the mother with legal things and tells everyone he is not allowed to see his son. This is not true, they have told him he can come and see him anytime but that he cannot leave the house with him. I don't blame them for that. They are more than willing to let my husband and me keep him for a weekend here and there, however their lawyer has advised them that it would not be a good idea because our son could come over and take him out of the house and there would be nothing we could do about it. I don't think our son is responsible enough at this time and he does not live with us. He lives with his biological mother. I don't want to get in the middle of a confrontation with the two, I would have to take the mother's side, she is doing very well raising our grandson, however I do want to be able to see him without chaperones. What can we do to be sure our son could not take him from our home and yet be able to see his son in our home, or at least be with us at times. We want our grandson in our lives and will do what is necessary so that the mother can feel it is safe to leave him with us .
Please advise ASAP
Click to expand...
Has paternity been legally established by your son taking a court ordered DNA test, signing the birth certificate or signing an acknowledgement of paternity. Are there court orders for him to pay support? If not, he is under no obligation to pay and if he's smart, he'll ask for a court ordered DNA test. Believe me, he wouldn't be the first man to find out that a child was not his.
 
LdiJ

LdiJ

Senior Member
pat123 said:
What is the name of your state?Iowa
Our son has a 5 month old baby boy. We have seen him once out of the goodness of the mothers heart. Our son is being a jerk, no child support or visitation to the baby. The two are not married and he still has alot of growing up to do. He threatens the mother with legal things and tells everyone he is not allowed to see his son. This is not true, they have told him he can come and see him anytime but that he cannot leave the house with him. I don't blame them for that. They are more than willing to let my husband and me keep him for a weekend here and there, however their lawyer has advised them that it would not be a good idea because our son could come over and take him out of the house and there would be nothing we could do about it. I don't think our son is responsible enough at this time and he does not live with us. He lives with his biological mother. I don't want to get in the middle of a confrontation with the two, I would have to take the mother's side, she is doing very well raising our grandson, however I do want to be able to see him without chaperones. What can we do to be sure our son could not take him from our home and yet be able to see his son in our home, or at least be with us at times. We want our grandson in our lives and will do what is necessary so that the mother can feel it is safe to leave him with us .
Please advise ASAP
Click to expand...
First, you need to start visiting the baby in mom's home as much as possible. That is the first step towards establishing trust. The fact that you have only seen him once really disturbs me. I can understand you not wanting a chaperone...but to only see him once in 5 months almost makes you as bad as your son. The baby can't possibly know you....and I KNOW you understand the importance of that. Make the effort to visit the baby in mom's home...she is obviously willing to allow that and its foolish of you not to take advantage of that.

In addition, you certainly CAN control your son's access to the child if the child is with you. You can certainly avoid your son taking the child (at least until court orders are established). That may mean that you have to defy your son, but you can certainly do it. What you have to do is establish a trust level with both mom...and by extension mom's attorney. That could mean refusing to answer the door when your son shows up...even if he brings the cops (at least until you get mom on the phone and get her over to your house)

The bottom line is that you should take advantage of every opportunity to bond with the baby...please don't be foolish.
 
N

NEET

Junior Member
I am going through almost the same thing you are. Except I'm never sure where the mother is and she has given me no phone no. Keep trying whatever it takes with the mother. Don't give up. I know it is hard being stuck in the middle when all you want is to be able to see your grandchild.
 
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