Child support in New York

What is the name of your state? New York
We have a 17 yr old daughter in my custody that is a senior in high school. After meeting a 21 yr old guy she decided she wanted to be with him against my wishes and after knowing him for 3 weeks moved out of my home to live with him and his family. In the heat of the moment my present husband called her father and said don’t bother sending support she left home. After this comment we found that we are still legally responsible for her until she is 21 as she had a sheriff call to tell me. She is now planning on coming back home in one week, his family told her she had to leave because she is missing too much school. We went to court on because he hasn't paid support and it was adjourned to wait for her to come home. My question is how do I enforce the court order for him to pay even though she was not living here in the home. She never changed her address, so I believe this is considered her legal address and she has still attended the same school even though she was staying in another school district. What are my rights as the custodial parent? Why am I legally responsible and her father is not? After the initial phone call the day she left, my ex called and tried to bully me into doing things his way and when my husband tried talking to him he said didn't need his ****. Why was my husbands word good enough to stop support but not to discuss my daughter, after all he raised her? Can he have it both ways?

You are the one who wants it both ways. Your husband, who should be minding his own business, called your ex to tell him not to send the support check. Now, this is not legal and binding, but the fact is he did it. Now you want to recoup that money.

Why not let him off the hook for that time, since your husband told him he could be off the hook, but resume the support order as it was written?

Your husband is not this childs father and should keep his nose out of the legal aspects of your case. It doesn't matter if he "raised" her or not, he has no legal rights to that child.

First of all, you don't need to tear me apart, I was asking because we did make mistakes. I don't want it both ways, when my husband made the statement to her father we thought with the law the way it was she could leave home and since it was her choice we would not have to be responsible. We were wrong as I found out when she had the sheriffs call me to tell me over and over how I was responsible until she was 21. Well, if I'm responsible why shouldn't he be too? I had to maintain a home for her to come to. As far as my husband minding his own business, she is his business. She lives in his home, whether he has any legal claim on her or not. In fact she stuck him with a nice cell phone bill in his and her name, he is legally responsible for that and she incurred the bill. Don't tell me he's sticking his nose in, her father ought to be kissing his feet with what he's done and spent on her in eight years. No amount of support would ever cover it. I asked him to be there just as she has an uncountable amount of times. As far as letting her father off of the hook, the thought crossed my mind, but it's still crossing. You have no idea what kind of he** he put me through with child support throughout the years, he never let me off of the hook with his demands. Again, there was no need to tear me apart, I just asked, I know I did some things wrong and that's why I want to know my legal rights.

Dad is well within his rights to refuse to discuss kid issues with your husband - they are not his kids.

I understand that he has the right to refuse, but he never has refused before. What about precedence? We weren't aware he was going to act different this time as he has never spoken to my husband like that before. Whenever he has spoken to him it's been very cordial and my ex never had a problem with my husband until my husband tried to explain what had been going on. My husband was very calm and really shocked when my ex blew up at him. My ex has to be in control and when he found out he couldn't bully me he couldn't hold himself back and finally let it out on someone else. As I said he was an abuser and abuser has a problem stopping themselves, especially when they loose control.

But that's not what I'm asking. I'm not being thickheaded, or at least not trying to be, I know what's happened in the past and unfortunately that has a bearing on today. It all can't be forgotten mentally, maybe legally and that's why I'm asking. As I said, we did some things wrong and I just want to know what my legal rights are. Did I mess up so badly that I've thrown my legal rights out of the window?
Thanks stealth for not tearing me apart, I'm emotional enough as is. I miss my daughter and want her home and my heart is breaking over all of this. I really thought this was a legal forum not a judgement one.

Maybe he finally had enough of your husband running interference - it would irk me (but I'd be polite), and I'm sure that a situation such as my kid deciding to move in with a boy/girlfriend (and being allowed to do so - which she was, even though you state it was against your wishes, you made no mention of trying to force her home) would push me beyond being cordial to my ex's new spouse.