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Responsible but Confused Dad

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jackjoy

Junior Member
I am a resident of CA. I have a 3 yr old son but I am not married to his mother. Since my son's birth I have paid child support to his mother in addition to incurring independent costs for his support. Since his birth I have been a full-time student, so my income has been limited. Nevertheless, for the first year of my son's life, I paid $200 per month. The second year $400, and now in his 3rd year I have been paying $600 per month. These amounts do not include additional expenses I incur on a monthly basis for various things: entertainment, clothing, food, etc. I have no formal agreement with his mother. I have never missed a payment. However, because I have limited income, I have been forced to supplement his support with my financial aid. This is putting a lot of pressure on me--particularly because of the interest I accrue on these funds, which raises the total value of payments I have been making.

My issue is this: how do I know that the amount of my payments to his mother is reasonable? How can I protect myself to ensure I continue to enjoy visitation rights? What if I have to reduce my monthly payments?

Currently, I see my son about twice a week. I have always held him out to my family, friends, etc. as my son. My name is on his birth certificate and he shares my last name.

Recently, I have had some friction with his mother. I am concerned that she will use our son as leverage to increase support payments.

Any advice would be appreciated.
 


crystaly

Member
jackjoy said:
I am a resident of CA. I have a 3 yr old son but I am not married to his mother. Since my son's birth I have paid child support to his mother in addition to incurring independent costs for his support. Since his birth I have been a full-time student, so my income has been limited. Nevertheless, for the first year of my son's life, I paid $200 per month. The second year $400, and now in his 3rd year I have been paying $600 per month. These amounts do not include additional expenses I incur on a monthly basis for various things: entertainment, clothing, food, etc. I have no formal agreement with his mother. I have never missed a payment. However, because I have limited income, I have been forced to supplement his support with my financial aid. This is putting a lot of pressure on me--particularly because of the interest I accrue on these funds, which raises the total value of payments I have been making.

My issue is this: how do I know that the amount of my payments to his mother is reasonable? How can I protect myself to ensure I continue to enjoy visitation rights? What if I have to reduce my monthly payments?

Currently, I see my son about twice a week. I have always held him out to my family, friends, etc. as my son. My name is on his birth certificate and he shares my last name.

Recently, I have had some friction with his mother. I am concerned that she will use our son as leverage to increase support payments.

Any advice would be appreciated.
First of all if there is no formal order for child support and you want to know what you should be paying. You need to know what her income is. then go to this web site http://www.alllaw.com/calculators/Childsupport/california/ and it will give you a rough idea of what kind of child support you should be paying. Otherwise you could pay for a real calculation. As far as visitation goes if there is no order for visitation I would make sure there is one. This way she can not withhold visitation from you. The amount of time you spend with the child is also calculated on the child support. So it depends on income and percent of time shared and medical coverage. You may be better off going through family court to protect your relationship with your child. Mothers do tend to try to refuse visitation if child support is not paid. But legally if there is a court order it does not matter if you pay your support or not she has to let you see the child.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
crystaly said:
Mothers do tend to try to refuse visitation if child support is not paid. But legally if there is a court order it does not matter if you pay your support or not she has to let you see the child.
The corollary to this is that if there is an order for support, you may not stop paying if she denies visitation.
 

MtnMoon

Member
jackjoy said:
I am a resident of CA. I have a 3 yr old son but I am not married to his mother. Since my son's birth I have paid child support to his mother in addition to incurring independent costs for his support. Since his birth I have been a full-time student, so my income has been limited. Nevertheless, for the first year of my son's life, I paid $200 per month. The second year $400, and now in his 3rd year I have been paying $600 per month. These amounts do not include additional expenses I incur on a monthly basis for various things: entertainment, clothing, food, etc. I have no formal agreement with his mother. I have never missed a payment. However, because I have limited income, I have been forced to supplement his support with my financial aid. This is putting a lot of pressure on me--particularly because of the interest I accrue on these funds, which raises the total value of payments I have been making.

My issue is this: how do I know that the amount of my payments to his mother is reasonable? How can I protect myself to ensure I continue to enjoy visitation rights? What if I have to reduce my monthly payments?

Currently, I see my son about twice a week. I have always held him out to my family, friends, etc. as my son. My name is on his birth certificate and he shares my last name.

Recently, I have had some friction with his mother. I am concerned that she will use our son as leverage to increase support payments.

Any advice would be appreciated.
It's commendable that you are taking responsibility and being involved in your son's life. Now...protect your rights as the father. Get a court order for custody and visitation...and for child support. Contact your local Dept of Child Support Services and they may assist you and guide you in the right direction. Just look in the phone book or Google it. Get as much info as you can. It would be highly advisable that if you decide to file the court paperwork yourself, you have an attorney look it all over first. There are self-help clinics to help you as well. Ask the DCSS rep about that, too.

Although it's true that if she withholds visitation...you still have to pay child support...but if you have a court order for visitation...then she could be held in contempt of court for not allowing visitation. Oh...and by the way...since there's no court order for the child support...you are not legally required to pay right now... Morally obligated, yes...but legally...child support would be payable from the time the order is filed. Because you are paying now is a good thing, though...because the judge looks favorably on that. So, by no means quite paying. Talk with DCSS and find out what is a reasonable amount to contribute toward child support. That might guide you.

Hope some of this helps... Oh and by the way...you might also consider mentioning something about college costs when you are going about getting the court orders. That is, if you would like to settle that now rather than later. According to CA, if the parents don't have an agreement, the court doesn't order additional support for college costs after the child graduates the 12th grade.
 

father411

Junior Member
I agree with the other members when it comes to getting a court order establishing your rights. You have every right to see how much your ex is paying in terms of child support. Also, you have rights to see your child at least every other weekend and on a school day after class (These are STRAIGHT out of the box) and you need to make sure that the court is there to enforce it (especially if you are having problems with the mother).

Good luck to ya!
 

Hit From Behind

Junior Member
Paying College Support?

Wisconsin

My childrens' father and I were divorced in 1995. At that time we shared 50/50 placement and custody and there was no child support order. My kids now live with their father and he has primary placement (we still share joint custody) and I pay court ordered child support (since 2003). There was never any mention of paying support past their high school graduation, either at the time of our divorce or later when the support order started.

It was my understanding that in Wisconsin, at least, if it's not written into the support agreement, I (as the non-custodial parent) am NOT required to pay past high school graduation towards college costs. That's not to say I won't help with college, but I am trying to find out if I will need to continue to pay child support to age 21. A friend recently told me that the laws were changing to get non-custodial parents to cover part of college costs.

Could you please clarify?
 

misslawli

Member
Hit From Behind said:
Wisconsin

My childrens' father and I were divorced in 1995. At that time we shared 50/50 placement and custody and there was no child support order. My kids now live with their father and he has primary placement (we still share joint custody) and I pay court ordered child support (since 2003). There was never any mention of paying support past their high school graduation, either at the time of our divorce or later when the support order started.

It was my understanding that in Wisconsin, at least, if it's not written into the support agreement, I (as the non-custodial parent) am NOT required to pay past high school graduation towards college costs. That's not to say I won't help with college, but I am trying to find out if I will need to continue to pay child support to age 21. A friend recently told me that the laws were changing to get non-custodial parents to cover part of college costs."

Could you please clarify?

Please start your own thread. It will get better responses and that way you are not hijacking someone elses thread
 

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