Nasty situation of ilegitimate child

ILSAofSIBERIA · Mar 16, 2005

What is the name of your state? California

I have a situation. A couple of years ago my now boyfriend was dating this girl. She was a not very nice person and was very hateful and revengeful. She was trying to use him for money. He was at a low point and continued to see her for a few weeks. The second date she was trying to get his credit card with no avail. He broke it off after a couple of weeks and after he told her that they were done and quickly followed was she said she was pregnant. He found out soon after hiring a private investigator she was a prostitute. She said at first it wasn't his and then she said it was and needed money for an abortion. He took her to the clinic and gave her the money gladly because he wanted no part of this woman. Well she didn't have it. She took some of the money and took a trip to Seatle to see another guy. She was sending hateful emails threatning his life. She had the child and he tried to make her give it up for adoption. She didn't. He had the DNA test which proved he was the father. He tried everthing in his power not to be a father. He pays child support ever month and never missies a payment. She kept harrassing him and then eventually stopped. Recently for about 3 weeks calling him at work and harrassing him again. Emailed him and told him that she was going to raise child support if he didn't take the girl for one weekend a month. He didn't want to do that because it was her way to get even more revenge on him. She claimed that he broke her heart and that she couldn't get in a solid relationship since the birth of her child. Things are all his fault that her life is in shambles etc.. She did get child support raised to an ungodly amount making it hard for him to make ends meet. Not to mention she has been living off of welfare and is still more than likely prostituting. It seems this is her way to con him for more money. She had the option to abort and adoption and he had no say in what he could do. She chose to the parent and he didn't. What can he do in lowering child support or more preferably getting parental ties severd? He still does not want to be the father and like I said he hasn't been a dead beat and pays. I don't think it is fair for him to be stuck in this prediciment. Is there just nothing he could do at all?

stealth2 · Mar 16, 2005

Well, if he didn't want to be stuck in this predicament, he should have kept his pants zipped. However, he IS the father and therefore he IS responsible for helping support the child. No court will force him to spend time with the child, however, don't you think it a shame that an innocent child is being deprived of her father because he's pissed at the mom? Not the sort of man I'd be interested in a relationship with. But perhaps you're different.

(edit) Oh - no, he won't be able to terminate his rights unless someone (like her husband) is willing to adopt the child. He's on the hook for support until the kid's grown.

ILSAofSIBERIA · Mar 16, 2005

stealth2 said:
Well, if he didn't want to be stuck in this predicament, he should have kept his pants zipped. However, he IS the father and therefore he IS responsible for helping support the child. No court will force him to spend time with the child, however, don't you think it a shame that an innocent child is being deprived of her father because he's pissed at the mom? Not the sort of man I'd be interested in a relationship with. But perhaps you're different.

(edit) Oh - no, he won't be able to terminate his rights unless someone (like her husband) is willing to adopt the child. He's on the hook for support until the kid's grown.

Actually he is a wonderful man. Would do anything for me. I've known him for 9 years. As far as keeping his pants zipped what about her? She didn't but she could have opt out and didn't. Why, because she would rather spent the money on herself. He was clinically depressed at the time and had gotten out of an extremly awful relationship. She has come to terms how tough raising this child and now seems to regret using the child for her own device. He does feel sorry for the little girl,but ever time he has any contact with the mother she goes crazy and harrassments start. In the end it is not completely his fault for depriving the child. You have never met him or her. Your right the child is innocent in all this. If mom was responsiable instead of being greedy and awful then she would give the kid up for adoption. But it is her way to drain more money. It isn't far for a woman to have a way out of parenthood by a few options, but men have no way to get out. They live by the mothers choice.

Rushia · Mar 16, 2005

ILSAofSIBERIA said:
Actually he is a wonderful man. Would do anything for me. I've known him for 9 years. As far as keeping his pants zipped what about her? She didn't but she could have opt out and didn't. Why, because she would rather spent the money on herself. He was clinically depressed at the time and had gotten out of an extremly awful relationship. She has come to terms how tough raising this child and now seems to regret using the child for her own device. He does feel sorry for the little girl,but ever time he has any contact with the mother she goes crazy and harrassments start. In the end it is not completely his fault for depriving the child. You have never met him or her. Your right the child is innocent in all this. If mom was responsiable instead of being greedy and awful then she would give the kid up for adoption. But it is her way to drain more money. It isn't far for a woman to have a way out of parenthood by a few options, but men have no way to get out. They live by the mothers choice.

No sorry, not the case. Just because he was depressed doesn't excuse his actions. He could have kept it zipped or he could've used protection (which we all know isn't 100% anyway). If he felt "sorry" for this little girl, then he would be a father to her in all ways. I agree with stealth. It's nice to know that he would do anything for you, but for that poor little girl... But, hey, if that's the kind of man you want. I wish you luck, you'll need it.

BelizeBreeze · Mar 16, 2005

ILSAofSIBERIA said:
Actually he is a wonderful man. Would do anything for me. I've known him for 9 years. As far as keeping his pants zipped what about her? She didn't but she could have opt out and didn't. Why, because she would rather spent the money on herself. He was clinically depressed at the time and had gotten out of an extremly awful relationship. She has come to terms how tough raising this child and now seems to regret using the child for her own device. He does feel sorry for the little girl,but ever time he has any contact with the mother she goes crazy and harrassments start. In the end it is not completely his fault for depriving the child. You have never met him or her. Your right the child is innocent in all this. If mom was responsiable instead of being greedy and awful then she would give the kid up for adoption. But it is her way to drain more money. It isn't far for a woman to have a way out of parenthood by a few options, but men have no way to get out. They live by the mothers choice.

Lady, you are in serious need of medication or reality. What did he tell you ...that she raped him? A man always has a way out of parenthood. It's called a condom, taking matters into your own hands or just not screwing women you don't know.

You two deserve each other.

Happy Trails · Mar 16, 2005

If this mother is as bad as you believe her to be, then that is a very good reason why he should be in his daughter's life.

I know you are mad at her for deciding to have the child and that she decided to keep her, but you really don't have any control over that.

How old is the girl? He should not wait so long that he may have a hard time establishing a relationship with her.

The guy you picked has baggage and will until his daughter is 18.

genivieve · Mar 16, 2005

Oh im so sick of people defending these piece of craps mothers that use their children as bait and for money. I feel for you. My Bf was in a similiar situation. Thank god the mother asked for him to sign off after she realized all the money and cars were mine and she had to settle for a tiny amount of money a month. She wanted his money but didnt want him in her childs life and when she realized I had the money to provide one of the best lawyer in ny for visitation/custody she ran right into court and demanded he sign off. BLESSING. Why is it all the blame goes on the father for not zipping his pants? It takes two to make a child. Why not two for a decision on what to do with a pregnacy. And i really dont wanna hear this crap about "Oh its my body and your not telling me what to do with it" If thats the case then support your own kid.

Rushia · Mar 16, 2005

genivieve said:
Oh im so sick of people defending these piece of craps mothers that use their children as bait and for money. I feel for you. My Bf was in a similiar situation. Thank god the mother asked for him to sign off after she realized all the money and cars were mine and she had to settle for a tiny amount of money a month. She wanted his money but didnt want him in her childs life and when she realized I had the money to provide one of the best lawyer in ny for visitation/custody she ran right into court and demanded he sign off. BLESSING. Why is it all the blame goes on the father for not zipping his pants? It takes two to make a child. Why not two for a decision on what to do with a pregnacy. And i really dont wanna hear this crap about "Oh its my body and your not telling me what to do with it" If thats the case then support your own kid.

Sorry, but all adults should realize that sex could result in a pregnancy. It takes two seconds to put a condom on. That is the only time that a man has a choice, either wrap it up or don't do it. That simple.
Your BF was just as bad as she was then if he didn't fight for his rights and just signed off on that poor child. Pathetic.

genivieve · Mar 16, 2005

I guess the same should go for a woman use the pill or dont do it? Whats good for the goose is good for the gander right? We women fight for equal rights, voting, blah blah blah but still we carry on like we are the weaker sex. Grow up..... you wanna wear a suit like a man, make a mans pay, then take responsibility for your actions. As for my bf being pathetic if you got twenty minutes time of reading i could fill you in on the crap we have encountered by this mother for the last 11 years. In the end im sure you would say my bf has done the right thing. Hell i know hes done the right thing. I have spent a couple days reading this site and have become more sour to this whole child support issue. Its all money money money.

Happy Trails · Mar 16, 2005

genivieve said:
I guess the same should go for a woman use the pill or dont do it? Whats good for the goose is good for the gander right? We women fight for equal rights, voting, blah blah blah but still we carry on like we are the weaker sex. Grow up..... you wanna wear a suit like a man, make a mans pay, then take responsibility for your actions. As for my bf being pathetic if you got twenty minutes time of reading i could fill you in on the crap we have encountered by this mother for the last 11 years. In the end im sure you would say my bf has done the right thing. Hell i know hes done the right thing. I have spent a couple days reading this site and have become more sour to this whole child support issue. Its all money money money.

I'd agree with you on that. If a woman doesn't want to end up pregnant she has options. We can't force her on which option she takes. But the fact remains there is a daughter now and the mother can't raise her without money. I'm not defending the mother of this daughter, I don't know her. I'm just saying if she is such a poor mother the father has options and a duty to do something about it, for his daughter's sake.

If he doesn't want to take an active roll in his offsprings life, the least he can do is support her. I, as a tax payer, certainly don't want to. I have my own children to support.

nagol818 · Mar 16, 2005

Why is it that even though these women this post is referring to lack good integrity, should the men too?

Also, no one is going to get rich off of being a CP. Unless, of course, Donald Trump knocks you up.

MominNJ · Mar 17, 2005

What a bunch of Sh*t

ILSAofSIBERIA said:
What is the name of your state? California

I have a situation. A couple of years ago my now boyfriend was dating this girl. She was a not very nice person and was very hateful and revengeful. She was trying to use him for money. He was at a low point and continued to see her for a few weeks. The second date she was trying to get his credit card with no avail. He broke it off after a couple of weeks and after he told her that they were done and quickly followed was she said she was pregnant. He found out soon after hiring a private investigator she was a prostitute. She said at first it wasn't his and then she said it was and needed money for an abortion. He took her to the clinic and gave her the money gladly because he wanted no part of this woman. Well she didn't have it. She took some of the money and took a trip to Seatle to see another guy. She was sending hateful emails threatning his life. She had the child and he tried to make her give it up for adoption. She didn't. He had the DNA test which proved he was the father. He tried everthing in his power not to be a father. He pays child support ever month and never missies a payment. She kept harrassing him and then eventually stopped. Recently for about 3 weeks calling him at work and harrassing him again. Emailed him and told him that she was going to raise child support if he didn't take the girl for one weekend a month. He didn't want to do that because it was her way to get even more revenge on him. She claimed that he broke her heart and that she couldn't get in a solid relationship since the birth of her child. Things are all his fault that her life is in shambles etc.. She did get child support raised to an ungodly amount making it hard for him to make ends meet. Not to mention she has been living off of welfare and is still more than likely prostituting. It seems this is her way to con him for more money. She had the option to abort and adoption and he had no say in what he could do. She chose to the parent and he didn't. What can he do in lowering child support or more preferably getting parental ties severd? He still does not want to be the father and like I said he hasn't been a dead beat and pays. I don't think it is fair for him to be stuck in this prediciment. Is there just nothing he could do at all?

I'm sick reading this post. What struck me was the main issue being the child support, but no concern over the fact that this man fathered a child who is being raised by an alleged prostitute. Where's the f*cking concern for the children!? I hate this. Did it ever occur to you that maybe the child NEEDS her dad in her life? That maybe he ought to grow a backbone and be more assertive? Ok, you say everytime he gets involved the mother goes "crazy"
Nice.
Bullsh*t. What I see is a man who slept with a woman, got her pregnant, didn't want a child, did everything in the world to convince her to abort it or give it up and is now sore over the money. WHAT A SAINT.
The mother sucks, too.
But that's no excuse to abandon a child.
All I hear is money this and money that. All i can think of is, POOR CHILD!
You can rant and rave all you want about the wrong choices the mother made. But it occurs to me that she wasn't the only one. Your main concern is her choice to be a mother instead of a murderer. Why? because it affects your pocket book. And the quality of life for the child is of no concern, because he didn't want her anyway.
This is Effed up.
I'm going to puke now.

genivieve · Mar 17, 2005

MominNJ said:
Your main concern is her choice to be a mother instead of a murderer.

Yup gotta love ideals like that. We should revert back to the good ol' days where women were dying from internal hemorrhages and infections cuz of granny's knitting needle.

If this person feels the child is endangered then child protective should be called immediately and repeatedly until something is done.

MominNJ · Mar 17, 2005

reply

genivieve said:
Yup gotta love ideals like that. We should revert back to the good ol' days where women were dying from internal hemorrhages and infections cuz of granny's knitting needle.

If this person feels the child is endangered then child protective should be called immediately and repeatedly until something is done.

I am 100% pro-choice. I beleive that women should be free to choose without government interference. I also believe that is what it is. You are killing an unborn baby.
I am an expert on this. I had one once. I KNOW what i did. I KNOW what it was.
If a woman wants to do that, I think she should be able to. I would not have wanted to NOT have that choice at the time.
But this is another subject.

MominNJ · Mar 17, 2005

That being said, No one should be made to feel guilty or looked down upon for opting NOT to have an abortion. even if the child would be born into an unstable atmosphere. That is a decision that is very diffucult to make. It is a simple procedure and most people look at it like no big deal. But it is a big deal. What will matter is if you believe you are doing it for the right reasons. and what you have the ability to live with.
This poster obviously wants to convince people that mom can't take care of her kid so she should've had an abortion. And now that she is a mother she should just be able to give her up.
She should walk a mile, then see what her opinion will be.
All this because they resent sending the mother the CS money. It's just a sick shame.
She obviously has no idea how precious children are.

Nasty situation of ilegitimate child

Accident - Bankruptcy - Criminal Law / DUI - Business - Consumer - Employment - Family - Immigration - Real Estate - Tax - Traffic - Wills Please click a topic or scroll down for more.

ILSAofSIBERIA

Junior Member

stealth2

Under the Radar Member

ILSAofSIBERIA

Junior Member

Rushia

Senior Member

BelizeBreeze

Senior Member

Happy Trails

Senior Member

genivieve

Member

Rushia

Senior Member

genivieve

Member

Happy Trails

Senior Member

nagol818

Member

MominNJ

Member

genivieve

Member

MominNJ

Member

MominNJ

Member

Find the Right Lawyer for Your Legal Issue!

Fast, Free, and Confidential