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Here's what's going on.. what should I do?

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J

JUfford

Junior Member
I live in Indiana, but my daughter lives in Iowa.

My daughter (3) and her mother live with her parents.. she is the legal/custodial parent at present (I will be taking her to court shortly, as soon as i find if i should be getting a lawyer in Iowa or Indiana, to get joint custody and visitation.) but my quesion under this thread is.. From what I understand my daughter's mother is making up paper work that if anything happens to her, her parents would get custody.....what is my recorse, and if anything ever happen to my daughters mother would i be able to fight and win against this paper?

Worried
 
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LdiJ

LdiJ

Senior Member
JUfford said:
I live in Indiana, but my daughter lives in Iowa.

My daughter (3) and her mother live with her parents.. she is the legal/custodial parent at present (I will be taking her to court shortly, as soon as i find if i should be getting a lawyer in Iowa or Indiana, to get joint custody and visitation.) but my quesion under this thread is.. From what I understand my daughter's mother is making up paper work that if anything happens to her, her parents would get custody.....what is my recorse, and if anything ever happen to my daughters mother would i be able to fight and win against this paper?

Worried
Click to expand...
Mom can't "will" the child to her parents...it doesn't work that way. Children aren't property. If something were to happen to mom you would automatically be first in line for custody, no matter what kind of paperwork mom filled out. The grandparents would have to prove you legally unfit (really tough to do) in order to take custody.
 
R

rm1759

Member
LdiJ said:
Mom can't "will" the child to her parents...it doesn't work that way. Children aren't property. If something were to happen to mom you would automatically be first in line for custody, no matter what kind of paperwork mom filled out. The grandparents would have to prove you legally unfit (really tough to do) in order to take custody.
Click to expand...
LDiJ is correct, assuming that you are legally the father. Until that happens, then you do not have any rights. Make sure when you get your paperwork done that you have joint legal custody (and assuming paternity is proved at the same time, it is not clear from your post if this has been done). Once you are legally the father, and have joint legal, it's a slam dunk for you to get custody in the event of something happening to the mother...
 
J

JUfford

Junior Member
This is an exert from something i submitted some where else.. i think it will clarify all that i know.... with isn't much..:(
. I did not know of her existence until I received child support paperwork. (She was 3 months old at this point.) After the paternity test came back conclusive that I was the father I started paying child support. Since then I have had visitation at her residence when ever I could make it to Iowa. (I live in Indiana) because of their (Mother, and Grandparents) continued refusal to allow her to visit me in Indiana I have decided to take what ever legal actions I must to insure my legal rights as her Father.
As of this moment, to the best of my knowledge, there has never been any paper work filed for visitation or custody.
 
R

rm1759

Member
JUfford said:
This is an exert from something i submitted some where else.. i think it will clarify all that i know.... with isn't much..:(
. I did not know of her existence until I received child support paperwork. (She was 3 months old at this point.) After the paternity test came back conclusive that I was the father I started paying child support. Since then I have had visitation at her residence when ever I could make it to Iowa. (I live in Indiana) because of their (Mother, and Grandparents) continued refusal to allow her to visit me in Indiana I have decided to take what ever legal actions I must to insure my legal rights as her Father.
As of this moment, to the best of my knowledge, there has never been any paper work filed for visitation or custody.
Click to expand...
Your situation is just like mine. I found out about my daughter when she was 3 1/2. The mother has lived with grandma throughout the child's life. They also would not allow my daughter to have overnight visits with me for 2 years, until we went to court, and got a court order requiring it. At the same time, I got joint legal custody, and paternity established. (the process took us about a year and a half). There was much negativity then. Now mother has is sick and will not make it another month, maybe 2, so things have changed considerably. I haven't spent much time with my daughter the last few months (found out in january), just brief visits, and alot of phone calls (daughter is aware). Mother and grandmother at one point also told me that they had "fixed it" so that should something happen to her, grandma would keep our daughter. Now she is aware of what will happen, and while she is not happy about it, at least she understands.
 
J

JUfford

Junior Member
wow

It's hard to believe some one else is in the same situation... (you have my empathy)
Since you've been there would you mind telling me how much it cost you to get the joint custody? I believe the paternity was taken care of when I took the blood test... am I correct to assume that?
Sigh, I know this question has already been answered.. “Mon can not will the child to her parents”, just wondering why this seems a common practice for people to hear.. they told you they had “fixed” it so the grandparents would get custody.. I’ve heard almost the exact same thing…do they have any kind of legal footing for such a claim? Besides them trying to prove that I am unfit… (grin) no way that would happen ;)
:confused:
 
R

rm1759

Member
JUfford said:
It's hard to believe some one else is in the same situation... (you have my empathy)
Since you've been there would you mind telling me how much it cost you to get the joint custody? I believe the paternity was taken care of when I took the blood test... am I correct to assume that?
Sigh, I know this question has already been answered.. “Mon can not will the child to her parents”, just wondering why this seems a common practice for people to hear.. they told you they had “fixed” it so the grandparents would get custody.. I’ve heard almost the exact same thing…do they have any kind of legal footing for such a claim? Besides them trying to prove that I am unfit… (grin) no way that would happen ;)
:confused:
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Was the blood test a DNA test done because of a court order? Just having a DNA test saying your the father does not establish paternity. For unwed parents, you need a court order stating you are the father. If the DNA test was court ordered as part of a child support case, then likely paternity has been established. (but you need to make sure that is the case). If that is not the case, then you will need to do that along with your custody/visitation. Get an attorney now. I was lucky, I had a very good friend who was a paralegal for a family law attorney, still I ended up paying $4,000, and we did not go to trial, we settled in mediation.

I have no idea why people think they can will their children, but that question has been asked on this board ad nauseum.
 
J

JUfford

Junior Member
yes the DNA test was done by court order to obtain child support...do you happen to know how i would go about finding out if this has established paternity?
another question, at the moment I’ve searched the online yellow pages for about 20 something lawyers in the area that my daughter resides. I’m planning on calling each of them and finding out what kind of retainer and fee's each of them charge.(she lives in Iowa and i live in Indiana, see my post on the custody/visitation page...) you mentioned that you had a paralegal not a lawyer help you....should I be looking for a paralegal or a lawyer?
Sorry if I’m dense about all the legal stuff... the most I’ve had to deal with the court system before was with a racing, speeding ticket when I was younger. :D

PS. do you know if it cost the mother of your child the same amount of money?
At the moment we are on semi equal grounds financially.. I don’t' believe she is able to spend more than me on fees.. So I’m hoping this will cause it to end quickly.
 
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LdiJ

LdiJ

Senior Member
JUfford said:
yes the DNA test was done by court order to obtain child support...do you happen to know how i would go about finding out if this has established paternity?
another question, at the moment I’ve searched the online yellow pages for about 20 something lawyers in the area that my daughter resides. I’m planning on calling each of them and finding out what kind of retainer and fee's each of them charge.(she lives in Iowa and i live in Indiana, see my post on the custody/visitation page...) you mentioned that you had a paralegal not a lawyer help you....should I be looking for a paralegal or a lawyer?
Sorry if I’m dense about all the legal stuff... the most I’ve had to deal with the court system before was with a racing, speeding ticket when I was younger. :D

PS. do you know if it cost the mother of your child the same amount of money?
At the moment we are on semi equal grounds financially.. I don’t' believe she is able to spend more than me on fees.. So I’m hoping this will cause it to end quickly.
Click to expand...
If the DNA test was done to establish child support then it also established paternity.
 
R

rm1759

Member
JUfford said:
yes the DNA test was done by court order to obtain child support...do you happen to know how i would go about finding out if this has established paternity?
another question, at the moment I’ve searched the online yellow pages for about 20 something lawyers in the area that my daughter resides. I’m planning on calling each of them and finding out what kind of retainer and fee's each of them charge.(she lives in Iowa and i live in Indiana, see my post on the custody/visitation page...) you mentioned that you had a paralegal not a lawyer help you....should I be looking for a paralegal or a lawyer?
Sorry if I’m dense about all the legal stuff... the most I’ve had to deal with the court system before was with a racing, speeding ticket when I was younger. :D

PS. do you know if it cost the mother of your child the same amount of money?
At the moment we are on semi equal grounds financially.. I don’t' believe she is able to spend more than me on fees.. So I’m hoping this will cause it to end quickly.
Click to expand...
Get a lawyer, licensed in family law. My friend was a paralegal for a lawyer that practiced family law. The reason I got off relatively cheap is that she did all of the leg work for me at a much reduced rate. I still had to pay the attorney $150/hr for the time he directly spent on the case, but the paralegal does most of the time consuming paperwork. Make sure you get a good attorney.
 
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