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Not My Child

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zimariah

Junior Member
What is the name of your state?TN/FL
I was once married to a girl in Florida. She got pregnant so we had to get married. I assumed the child was mine so I figured I was doing the right thing. We divorced a year or so later. She remarried soon after and I have remarried also. I have kept a close relationship with my child who is now about to
be 18 years old. I have paid monthly child support and doctor bills like I'm supposed to. Because of doubts I bought a DNA test on line. I just found out hes not my son. Is there somehting I can do? I am so ticked at his mother right now I could scream. Please give me any advice you may have.
 


bononos

Senior Member
zimariah said:
What is the name of your state?TN/FL
I was once married to a girl in Florida. She got pregnant so we had to get married. I assumed the child was mine so I figured I was doing the right thing. We divorced a year or so later. She remarried soon after and I have remarried also. I have kept a close relationship with my child who is now about to
be 18 years old. I have paid monthly child support and doctor bills like I'm supposed to. Because of doubts I bought a DNA test on line. I just found out hes not my son. Is there somehting I can do? I am so ticked at his mother right now I could scream. Please give me any advice you may have.
It's been 18 years of you being a father to him.
Why on earth did you even do the test?
Is this boy now not "your child" in your eyes?
Did you tell him he's not? I hope not!!!
Nothing will come out good from this for anyone involved, espically YOUR son.
 

zimariah

Junior Member
NO, My son does not know. I did the test because it was something that I wanted to know. Its been eating at me for years now. Why I waited so long, I don't know. I've had doubts for so long and I WANTED TO KNOW!! You have to to be in my shoes to know where I'm coming from.
 

nextwife

Senior Member
IF DNA was important to you, you should have waited and first obtained a DNA test THEN- before obligating yourself legally.

Once we have been parents to our child and accepted that role, DNA doesn't matter anymore. Neither hubby nor I share DNA with our daughter and we could care less whether we do. That we love him is all that matters. After 18 years you ARE Dad- DNA or not.
 
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zimariah

Junior Member
I LOVE MY CHILD and the DNA will not change the way I fell about him but has changed for the way I feel about his mother. How could someone live a lie like that for so many years and get away with it?
 

bononos

Senior Member
zimariah said:
NO, My son does not know. I did the test because it was something that I wanted to know. Its been eating at me for years now. Why I waited so long, I don't know. I've had doubts for so long and I WANTED TO KNOW!! You have to to be in my shoes to know where I'm coming from.
No, you should be in my shoes.
I am adopted and respect and love my parents - who do not share my DNA.
Who cares?
I can understand it eating at you, but now you know and it's going to still eat at you, so what did it solve.
 

nextwife

Senior Member
Personally, I DO believe that women SHOULD be held accountable for paternity fraud. Whether fraud due to wishful thinking or outright intentional fraud, no man should be named as the "father" if there have been other partners during an approximate one month conception "window".

Unfortunately, not all states feel that paternity fraud should be punished. They use the "best interests of the child" as an excuse for legalized extortion of funds under the guise of child support, not actually caring at all if the payor was decieved or defaulted into becoming dad to another man's child
 
Zimariah - did it ever occur to you that your ex-wife honestly thought you were the father? You are automatically assuming she knew the child wasn't yours.
 

zimariah

Junior Member
Well, Yes. Its been obvious to me so I know its been obvious to her. The guy she was sleeping with before we got married had dark complexion, very tall. 6 foot 5 or so. I'm alot shorter, and have light skin. As the years have passed it obvious he looks nothing like me.
 

nextwife

Senior Member
newlywed03 said:
Zimariah - did it ever occur to you that your ex-wife honestly thought you were the father? You are automatically assuming she knew the child wasn't yours.
How can ANY woman NOT know she had sex with someone besides the person she named as the father? It is not possible to KNOW who the father is if there have been multiple partners.

It is not up to the mom to "think" she knows who the father is. She should be OBLIGATED to disclose the possibility that someone else may be dad. Sorry, I have no patience with woman having sex with multiple guys and then closing their eyes about it and pretending they somehow can devine their child's paternity without benefit of a DNA test. Bottom line, if there were multiple partners they CAN'T "know" who dad is until DNA testing occurs. If you want to be SURE, then be well finished with one sexual relationship for a few weeks before taking up with someone else.
 

kat1963

Senior Member
Yes, you can likely sue her in civil court for intentional infliction of emotional distress which is an act one person does against another with the intent to cause the injury to another. With intentional torts, you may not have to prove actual intent. Start researching case law see what you come up with.

She didn’t know...*snort*. What was she unconscious when she spread her legs during that very small window needed for conception? She knew, she picked the best man for the job. She lied to him, she lied to the child, she lied to the biological father, she lied to friends & family & she committed fraud & perjury upon the court (the last 2 are CRIMES Folks!). She needs to pay the consequences & since I doubt TN or FL has criminalized paternity fraud YET she needs to pay where it will hurt the worst at this time, in her wallet. And all those punitive damages that the poster might be entitled to, she can’t bankrupt out on them either. Oh, he might not see a dime, but that judgment is going to be a huge monkey on her back for a long time to come. Who knows, she just might hit the lottery. :)

Seek the advice of a good pit bull, back biting attorney immediately, you don't want the SOL to run out (on anything!).

KAT
 

nagol818

Member
kat1963 said:
Yes, you can likely sue her in civil court for intentional infliction of emotional distress which is an act one person does against another with the intent to cause the injury to another. With intentional torts, you may not have to prove actual intent. Start researching case law see what you come up with.

She didn’t know...*snort*. What was she unconscious when she spread her legs during that very small window needed for conception? She knew, she picked the best man for the job. She lied to him, she lied to the child, she lied to the biological father, she lied to friends & family & she committed fraud & perjury upon the court (the last 2 are CRIMES Folks!). She needs to pay the consequences & since I doubt TN or FL has criminalized paternity fraud YET she needs to pay where it will hurt the worst at this time, in her wallet. And all those punitive damages that the poster might be entitled to, she can’t bankrupt out on them either. Oh, he might not see a dime, but that judgment is going to be a huge monkey on her back for a long time to come. Who knows, she just might hit the lottery. :)

Seek the advice of a good pit bull, back biting attorney immediately, you don't want the SOL to run out (on anything!).

KAT
I definitely don't disagree with this plan of action but it will probably hurt your son as well. I'd sit down and think carefully about your options. Maybe you should just be the bigger person and not take this approach; firmly confront the mother that you are aware of this and how you feel(put her in her place; make her feel small) then leave it at that.
 

zimariah

Junior Member
I don't think shes capable of feeling "small". Shes in the process of a divorce right now for being caught in bed with another man. She was caught cheating on her husband of 14 years. Shes a very cold woman!
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
My honest advice is to leave all of this alone. The main person that is going to be hurt if you make this public in any way is your son. In my opinion its too bad that you even did the test. It probably wasn't even legal because your son is over 18 and would have needed to consent to the test.
 

ljt99

Member
LdiJ said:
My honest advice is to leave all of this alone. The main person that is going to be hurt if you make this public in any way is your son. In my opinion its too bad that you even did the test. It probably wasn't even legal because your son is over 18 and would have needed to consent to the test.
Did you read his first post? It says his son is ABOUT TO BE 18. To me that means NOT YET 18.
 

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