why do women use their child as bait!??? It's not right!

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? What is the name of your state? We live in Arizona

I am married to a man that his ex wife is about as messed up as any one person I have ever met...He has been paying child support every month with out missing a payment for the past ten years....Last May his daughter (now 13) decided that she would rather live with us than to stay at her mothers house...(She would still see her mother and that was not an issue at all)..THE agreement (the father and the mother) was that since their daughter was now living with her dad , he would no longer have to pay the mother child support. NOW since the mother only saw her two days or so, every two weeks!! IF THAT!! the mother openly agreed on the child living with us as long as she did not have to pay him child support...we all agreed with out any arguing or any issues....All was fine for 7 or maybe even 9 months...until the daughter wanted to go back to her old school...So without any pushing or whinning, we sent her back to her mothers. SO my husband was to now pay the 2nd part of the school years tuition..(for a private school where she was going to a public school while living here) The father paid the $2600 for the remaining 18 weeks of school...which tey both agreed on......BEFORE he was paying $700 a month for child support...and at $700 a month for (lets just say 7 months to be nice, it was more but who cares..) that would be approximately $4900, that HE NOR THE MOTHER WOULD HAVE TO PAY!....so the verbal agreement was HE was to pay for the school...($2600...) and remember the mother did not pay us support the entire time we had their daughter...! fair to me...WRONG!
THEN...after THE daughter moved back to her mothers, the father would then not have to pay the ex wife the $700 a month for the next 7 months as long as he paid the 2nd part of the school year (follow me??)....sounds fair right? WELL it didn't happen like that at all!

Now the ex wife is demanding that he start paying the full $700 child support as of April 1st... right after he just paid the full $2600 for the PRIVATE school.....even though their agreement was different! so out of the seven months that they agreed was to be called "even"...she now has residened her part of their agreement after only two months of the daughter going back! so she is asking for the full child support we still have the daugther 50% of the time mind you...AND WE HAD TO PAY FOR THE SCHOOL!! She basically has him by the balls? right!? This woman has done more harm to our current family ...as well as her own daughter ..that no one would ever believe it... all the hardship she has caused to so many of us!!...We (my husband and I) are now looking at getting separated or maybe even divorced, over the hell this woman has put all of us through...(mainly my husband.)......This woman is a pill popping, crontic liar and a nut case, that threatens (the father daily I may add) of never letting him see his daugther again if he does not do things the way SHE says they are to be done...Now her newest is she will report him as not paying any child support due to the fact that he always just deposited the money directly into the mom's account every month and he didn't ...nor does he have any proof of the past ten years of all the on time payments??? (He does have a lot of them but not all of them....)
Why or How do these mothers get away with such mean and vicious lies and threats? Is there any way that the father can fight this with out having to paying these incredibly high lawyer fees? Even though we may not make it through this issue....(we have been through many but I can't keep going on like this either) I still care and love this man and hate to see this happen to him or anyone else for that matter!
.......I have two children myself and have never received a nickle from their father and in all honesty...looking at the junk that these two go through daily...I am glad I don't get the silly child support either!!!...

So what can he do? Will he have to start paying again? how can they re-evaluate the amount he pays since it was so long ago and that included day care expensenses etc?? with out it going into a long drawn out affair? He is willing to pay it...but still It is not right that this woman uses her daughter like bait...why do the men get screwed so much and the woman walk away with their choice of cake and then get to eat it too!? Even when it was their choice to leave the man in the first place!??? I do not get it... and better yet....I am a woman??? No ownder why they call us bitches! cause it fits!
please help us go in the right direction..we just don't have this kind of money to throw at her every beck and call!
thanks
Lorri

Well, the question really is - why did Dad simply roll over for 10 years. Seems as though he's allowed her to behave this way, so why is he surprised? Did anyone ever file a change of custody or modification of support when the daughter moved in with Dad? No? Then guess what? LEGALLY he owes her the money.

Dad's brought the majority of the problem upon himself.

I agree with you all!

you know I agree with you ..he is not the brightest crayon in the box....he for some reason is afraid of this woman. I know you all are right in what you are saying...I even told him that originally....but do you think any attorney or judge for that matter would take any of this into concideration? Most likely not..but I still think it stinks...I don't care about the money, it is just that I do not like what this woman has done to us and I hate what she has done to her daughter...the woman is honestly a case study for the mentally ill...the way she got her daughter to move back it that she told her she had a brain tumor!!...that now has mysteriously disappeared???....You wouldn't belive the things she has done in the past...and I too am the fool that married into this mess... knowing full well what I was up against...but I appreciate the responses...I will let my husband read them...maybe this way he won't think it is just me being a bitch...I am not trying to be at all..I just wish he thought out these things sometimes before he did such stupid moves!
thanks again!

same case

dont throw away love - i too had enough - still putting up with it because ui love him.. she is not worth throwing the marriage away - remember the children grow up and the ex goess away. he does need to stand up to her and let her know that your marriage is strong and he \isnt putting up with her anymore. he shouldve put agreements in writing and had a judge sign off and put in file - like i said - im going thru it and have for 9 years - the best is that his ex has lived with his parents on seperaate occasions with them supporting her ands the child because they were afraid she would take thee child from guys aprtment to guys apartment. she not only uses the child to get things but she uses her body- email me if you want to chat and bounce things off me - get it all out it helps - i am very glad someone let me talk - our marriage is still going strong and she is pissed - doesnt hurt to be happy and piss them off - tandc @ htc.net

swanlorri said:

you know I agree with you ..he is not the brightest crayon in the box....he for some reason is afraid of this woman. I know you all are right in what you are saying...I even told him that originally....but do you think any attorney or judge for that matter would take any of this into concideration? Most likely not..but I still think it stinks...I don't care about the money, it is just that I do not like what this woman has done to us and I hate what she has done to her daughter...the woman is honestly a case study for the mentally ill...the way she got her daughter to move back it that she told her she had a brain tumor!!...that now has mysteriously disappeared???....You wouldn't belive the things she has done in the past...and I too am the fool that married into this mess... knowing full well what I was up against...but I appreciate the responses...I will let my husband read them...maybe this way he won't think it is just me being a bitch...I am not trying to be at all..I just wish he thought out these things sometimes before he did such stupid moves!
thanks again!

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And tell your hubby that ONE of the responses came from a man who is telling him point blank, quit being whipped.

I am going through it now, too.
It does suck - how she is going after him for every penny and then she still whines broke...it kills me.......... I don't collect support from my son's dad either.

She even had dental work done without telling him (on one of the kids) and now wants HIM to pay 50% of it.
He is asking his lawyer that in the divorce papers, she needs to be required to tell him IN ADVANCE of procedures (unless life threatening) to prevent this kind of abuse.

I don't get women, either - it truly kills me - the men seem to try so hard (some of them, I should say) and then they get the **** kicked out of them by greedy ex-wives.
DON'T give her the satisfaction of splitting if you can help it at all!!!!!!!!! There is light - he is probably going to have to get a lawyer and gather all bank statements or whatever proof he has of payments to her - DON'T let her do this!!!!!!!!!
That is a woman's advice - we're not all bitches to our ex's

ablessin said:

I don't get women, either - it truly kills me - the men seem to try so hard (some of them, I should say) and then they get the **** kicked out of them by greedy ex-wives.
DON'T give her the satisfaction of splitting if you can help it at all!!!!!!!!! There is light - he is probably going to have to get a lawyer and gather all bank statements or whatever proof he has of payments to her - DON'T let her do this!!!!!!!!!
That is a woman's advice - we're not all bitches to our ex's

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grrrrrrrr. Its not a man/woman thingy. Its a people thing. Sex does not dictate?indicate?predict? who will be slime or not. Its all up to the individual.

When I hear all Dads/Moms/Xs I cringe. for I know great divorced Dads and poor divorced Dads as well as Moms. Its about what the person thinks of themselves. People with good self esteem do not disown their children. People with healthy minds make decent choices and are fair. People that like themselves? like and are good to their kids, period.

Everytime I have to deal with a poor Dad/Mom, I really think at this point, I feel bad and pity for them and for all they will never experience. For the joys they will never know. For their hand in their children NOT being all they could have been? shame on them.

joan marie *

swanlorri said:

you know I agree with you ..he is not the brightest crayon in the box....he for some reason is afraid of this woman. I know you all are right in what you are saying...I even told him that originally....but do you think any attorney or judge for that matter would take any of this into concideration? Most likely not..but I still think it stinks...I don't care about the money, it is just that I do not like what this woman has done to us and I hate what she has done to her daughter...the woman is honestly a case study for the mentally ill...the way she got her daughter to move back it that she told her she had a brain tumor!!...that now has mysteriously disappeared???....You wouldn't belive the things she has done in the past...and I too am the fool that married into this mess... knowing full well what I was up against...but I appreciate the responses...I will let my husband read them...maybe this way he won't think it is just me being a bitch...I am not trying to be at all..I just wish he thought out these things sometimes before he did such stupid moves!
thanks again!

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If you break it off with your husband, the X will WIN!!! and we don't want that.....My husband's X is the same way, to a T of what you said. It kills her that her children don't go running to her about us fighting or not getting along. That's because we don't show the children outwardly that there's any problems. I go to every little leage game, school activity, birthday party, in my husband's arm, and I know it kills her every time.....

Most of the time, these women behave this way to get back at the X's for starting a new life with a new wife.....they are mean hoping you leave him so the their X can be miserable. DON'T LET HER WIN!!!

ablessin said:

I am going through it now, too.
It does suck - how she is going after him for every penny and then she still whines broke...it kills me.......... I don't collect support from my son's dad either.

She even had dental work done without telling him (on one of the kids) and now wants HIM to pay 50% of it.
He is asking his lawyer that in the divorce papers, she needs to be required to tell him IN ADVANCE of procedures (unless life threatening) to prevent this kind of abuse.

I don't get women, either - it truly kills me - the men seem to try so hard (some of them, I should say) and then they get the **** kicked out of them by greedy ex-wives.
DON'T give her the satisfaction of splitting if you can help it at all!!!!!!!!! There is light - he is probably going to have to get a lawyer and gather all bank statements or whatever proof he has of payments to her - DON'T let her do this!!!!!!!!!
That is a woman's advice - we're not all bitches to our ex's

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I don't think it is reasonable to expect a child to wait on dental work for your husbands approval. This could be considered cruel and abusive!!

Most dental procedures for children are necessary. If the parent who has taken the child to the dentist or physician is told the child needs this treatment or test or x ray , this parent should get the medical /dental treatment as soon as possible. Getting the other parents okay might not be the big concern at that time but rather the childs welfare.

I'm not sure if you are complaining or bragging your son's dad hasn't supported him. But if your son has done with out any necessities so you could be the giving ex wife ,then shame on you. But probable your now husband has made sure he has what he needs ...great guy that he is!

Most of the time, these women behave this way to get back at the X's for starting a new life with a new wife.

Reading you is a real hoot! You go to every leage game, every school function and on the arm of your husband and you know it kills her? In other words your motivation is not the children but to spite your husband's ex wife. Surely you aren't threatened by her are you? I can think of no other reason for such a childish attitude.

Lady you got a lot coming to you in life and you deserve it all. I would love to be a fly on the wall when he does the same thing to you that he did to her...finds himself someone younger and prettier with a little more money. LOL!! I'm betting your behavior might get kind of strange too if some slut came along and wrecked your happy little home the way you did this woman and her children.

You will one day walk a mile in his ex wife's shoes. When that happens you be real careful how you behave now.

It might help if you have proof say from the school that your daughter lived with you. Yes, doing things out of court will always bite you in the A**, but with a good lawyer you should be able to establish that you did the wrong thing by not doing things in court but that you did provide for your daughter. Go to the school and get a receipt for the tuition and go to the public school and get a copy of your daughters school records of when she attended there. Also, with the help of a lawyer, you might be able to establish some kind of mental instability or at the very least, request that you both undergo a mental exam. No matter how smart your x is she won't be able to pull the wool over a professionals eyes. I don't know about Arizona but in NY you can file a modification by yourself. Just put down the honest facts and the judge will decifer everything else. In NY CS is paid at a rate of 17% of your income and medical is divided based upon each parents income, and daycare and other expenses as well. Women go into court all the time, men need to learn to do the same thing. Good luck from the daughter of a man who was hounded by a "nut" x wife (my x step mother) and after 20 years and the kids are all grown she still writes him letters and sends them to his place of employment and she has ruined my brothers. She too has mistery illnesses that go away and come back only by self DX. In my family we have a saying "We all have at least one nut that we've married, and we learned from that" Some day you will laugh about this but splitting up over this will let her win another round.

The key words here are verbal agreement no offence but it was stupid of your husband. My ex agrees to a lot of thgings verbally but when I ask her to sign something that states such then she changes her mind. Does the parenting plan say that she is to provide for half of school? Then your husband might be able to say that he has paid the whole thing and is still waiting for mom to reiburse him. Yes he has to pay. Sorry these is nothing you can do about it.

nor does he have any proof of the past ten years of all the on time payments Yes he does! He bank statements which can easily be subpoenad. Let her try that in court. I'd like to see how far that gets her.

Don't let this ruin your marrige. Learn from your mistakes and get on with it. Don't live in the past.

newguyhere said:

The key words here are verbal agreement no offence but it was stupid of your husband. My ex agrees to a lot of thgings verbally but when I ask her to sign something that states such then she changes her mind. Does the parenting plan say that she is to provide for half of school? Then your husband might be able to say that he has paid the whole thing and is still waiting for mom to reiburse him. Yes he has to pay. Sorry these is nothing you can do about it.

nor does he have any proof of the past ten years of all the on time payments Yes he does! He bank statements which can easily be subpoenad. Let her try that in court. I'd like to see how far that gets her.

Don't let this ruin your marrige. Learn from your mistakes and get on with it. Don't live in the past.

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Yes, she said a verbal agreement, but verbal agreements can also be binding as a contract, if intent is shown. I would get all the paperwork from the schools and go before a judge. You might as well try. Good luck.

Fedupwithsystem said:

Yes, she said a verbal agreement, but verbal agreements can also be binding as a contract, if intent is shown. I would get all the paperwork from the schools and go before a judge. You might as well try. Good luck.

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Please post the relevent state statute or Commercial Code which regulates the 'intent' defense to a verbal contract.

And, for clarity, the ONLY thing a bank statement will show is that the father withdrew a certain amount of monies on a particular date. NOT what the monies were used for. In other words, worthless.