What do I do to prepare for GPV case to protect my kids?

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? New Jersey

I am a married (same spouse for 14yrs. - been together for 20) 38yr. old with 2 children. One 6.8yrs. and one 1.8yrs.

I am facing a GPV case (have been threatened by my brother that he will pay for my mother to take me to court and testify against me), with my biological mother.

I have been trying to come to some common grounds with her after a falling out of sorts in June 04. I had done whatever I could for my daughter and her to be close, but found out that my mother was becoming increasingly over-attached to my daughter. She would consistently undermine my parental authority, and when she found out that I was planning on keeping my son (they thought he might have Down's at 26weeks), she became very possessive of my daughter and told me that I could not have this child because of what it would do to my daughter. She would also tell my daughter that she should come live with her because I will be too busy taking care of the new baby. This is just the surface of some severe mental issues my mother has. To the point that I had someone else stay with my daughter while I gave birth to my son.

My mother is a walking pharmacy. Oxycontin, Moraphine patch, Neurontin, Vicodin and others. She is physically barely able to work. She cannot drive at night. She cannot be alone with the kids. She is reclusive and has told me that even when both children are around her, that she will make sure that my daughter knows that she is still number one by devoting her attention to her. She also blames me for "crippling" my daughter. My daughter has some neurological differences as proven by 3 Pediatric Neurological Physicians. This came about because I had to fight the school board for proper placement in public school.

The main problem I have right now, is that my brother has told me that he will give my mother the money to take me to court. And will testify on her behalf against me. My brother is an FBI agent and stated that he will do whatever he can to even abolish my parental rights, and the law will side with him because of his title.

I don't understand his ferver in this, since my mother excommunicated him also when his kids were small, making him drive several states to meet in a motel, hand his kids over to my father and then into a motel room, which my brother was not allowed. They are now in their 20's and haven't seen her in 13years. She wants the same from me, and I cannot allow her to play mindgames with my daughter anylonger, nor ignore my son.

I am fearful that what my brother says will happen, and I don't stand a chance because he is the law too.

What can I gather to show that with his 2 cases of abuse of power in his career with the FBI, and my mother's history of relationships, medical and mental status is not a breeding ground for healthy interaction???

TIA,
Cris

crazy grandma meddling brother

its not your moms decison to make-shes not the one having or having had the baby.she also cant keep your daughter from you just because you have a baby with ds. she has no legal rights to either child. she also had no right to tell your daughter she could live with her, tell grandma unless she behaves, she wont see her grandkids. you and your husband decide who can see the kids and who cant. and tell dear brother to shove his fbi job up his ass, this is no business of his, its between you and your mom, and he should butt out.

zboox4, I've found a wonderful site that spells out how NJ handles grandparent's visitation rights. It's an overview. Definitely, an attorney would be in order. I've copied the most pertinent information, but there's much more that you'll need to read.

http://library.lp.findlaw.com/articles/file/00546/004339/title/Subject/topic/Family Law_Visitation/filename/familylaw_1_549

Grandparent Visitation Rights in New Jersey

New Jersey's Grandparents' Visitation Statute, N.J.S.A. 9:2-7.1 allows a grandparent or sibling of a child residing in this State to make an application for visitation. The applicant must prove that the visitation is in the best interest of the child. In making this determination, the court must consider eight factors, including:

1. The relationship between the child and the applicant;
2. The relationship between each of the child's parents or the person with whom the child is residing and the applicant;
3. The time which has elapsed since the child last had contact with the applicant;
4. The effect that such visitation will have on the relationship between the child and the child's parents or the person with whom the child is residing;
5. If the parents are divorced or separated, the time sharing arrangement which exists between the parents with regard to the child;
6. The good faith of the applicant in filing the application
7. Any history of physical, emotional or sexual abuse or neglect by the applicant; and
8. Any other factor relevant to the best interests of the child.

By its terms, this statute applies to intact families as well as those where separation, death, or divorce have split the family. It has been upheld as constitutional by a lower court, although its constitutionality was challenged before the New Jersey Supreme Court in 1999. In a case called In the Matter of the Adoption of a child by W.P. and M.P, Harriet Dinegar Milks argued before the Court that the statute should not be applied to intact families unless it is first shown that the child will suffer harm without the visitation. The high court refused to address the constitutional issue but decided the case in our client's favor, ruling that the visitation statute does not operate to permit court-ordered visitation by biological grandparents, after a child has been placed in an adoptive home. The case is thus an important one in defining the rights of adoptive families in this State. By holding that the child's adoptive grandparents were her family and that the biological grandparents had no rights under the visitation statute following the termination of their child's parental rights, the Supreme Court sent a message loud and clear, that adoptive families are not second class citizens, but have the same rights to grow and develop autonomously as any family does.

New Jersey's grandparents' visitation statute is not affected by the U.S. Supreme Court's ruling in Troxel v Granville, which is limited to the visitation statute of Washington.

Mom2J

Thank you Bradybunchmom! My mother had been emailing people ( I found the emails when I went in to fix her online account for her. She has minimal computer knowledge), that she wants nothing to do with me or my husband anymore. Then I wrote her asking her what her problem was. I didn't hear from her for 3 months. I wrote again giving her a deadline to write back. She finally did and made demands that I tell my daughter that I am the one to blame for the lack of communication, and that she has no fault. I wrote back telling her that it is over. No more visitation. She wrote emails again stating to others that she would "come to my house and beat the sh*t out of me if she had the energy". She then stated that I was killing her, and that she "always thought my Grandmother's suicide attempts were cowardly, but now she see just how brave she was". This is not someone I want around my children. She has continued to deteriorate mentally over the last 3 years. I honestly feel that if she were left alone with my daughter, she would be capable of giving my daughter something to drink with drugs in it, than ODing herself. She is that "morbidly" attached to my daughter.

My brother is angry at me because I stand up for myself now. He was physically abusive to me as a child, and wants to continue that in my adult life in one way or another. Good thing he is in FL or I would have been put through another wall.

Thank you for your kind words. I do hope that this won't cause us to lose our home financially. It has already divided my family and it breaks my heart.

Cris

Thank you Mom2j!

It does look as though I will need an attorney. I found the case you sited very interesting. The courts found that adoptive parents have rights over the biological grandparents, BUT it appears that BIOLOGICAL parents don't have the same rights over biological grandparents! Makes no sense to me.

I just hope that I don't lose my home over this. Our funds are tapped as it is, because I stay home to raise my son, and be here for my daughter (we will be starting additional physical and feeding therapy over the summer for her).

My mother has money to burn, as does my brother.

Is it possible that should the case be found in our favor that I could have her and/or my brother reimburse us our attorney/court fees??? I hope so, otherwise it will make some of my daughter's therapies unreachable.

Thanks again. I am going to study up as much as possible!

Cris

And your husband is where in all of this?

He agrees that my mother should not be around the children. He wanted me to break off communication while I was pregnant with my son because of how she was reacting to my pregnancy. And after I had my son she got very bad.

Cris

zboox4 said:

He agrees that my mother should not be around the children. He wanted me to break off communication while I was pregnant with my son because of how she was reacting to my pregnancy. And after I had my son she got very bad.

Cris

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Then start playing dirty. Put a tape recorder on your phone. New Jersey is a one-party state so you are not required to inform the other party of your recording.

Each and every time your brother or mother calls, record the conversation. If he continues, file a complaint with his superiors for harrassment.

Tell mom and brother that they should go right ahead with any legal action they want. After all, it's their right under law. And for each action they bring, you AND your husband file an answer praying the court award legal fees and costs against the two of them.

Actually, I haven't spoken on the phone to either of them since June 04 or before. Neither ever call me. All communication has been done via email which I have kept copies of (Easter was the second assault from my brother, first was Xmas). I am hoping that I can present the emails I saved that my mom sent to others about her hatred for me, the issues about her wanting to cause physical harm, and the comment glorifying suicide.

I also hope that the fact she did the same thing to my brother and his children regarding visitation will be a showing of a pattern of behavior. She had nothing to do with his kids after they turned about 10 because they didn't want to do the things she wanted them to do.

My daughter is nearing that age, and although her neurological issues are minor compared to some, having my mother reintroduced for visitation, only to have her drop my daughter like a hot cake in a few years would be devistating to her. She would do anything to please my mother.

I will get a tape recorder though for the phone. It can't hurt to be prepared. Thanks so very much!

Cris
(BTW, I really like your sig line! LOL!)

http://www.lsnj.org/directory.htm

I am not a lawyer. good luck!

i wanna piledrive grandma please please please

i hope the court does award you legal fees agaisnt these two-especially your brother for sticking his nose where it doesnt concern him. let us knows how it goes! if my mom ever did something like that, she would never see the kids again,and there wouldnt be anything she could do about it! i might have to put her in a hhh pedigree or a crippler cross face.or a horrible punishment,make her listen to hhh go on and on about how hes the greates world champ of all time( he is for now, but come sun at wrestlemania, batistas gonna squash him like a bug!)

Here is another case it would do you good to read:

http://parentsrights.org/states/nj/nj06222001.html

LdiJ said:

Here is another case it would do you good to read:

http://parentsrights.org/states/nj/nj06222001.html

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That was a fantastic reading. So, what it sounds like, (please correct me if I'm wrong and I'm stating very simplistic), if the grandparents say hurtful things about the parent or do anything that could infringe on the parent's relationship with the child, then the court wouldn't uphold GVS. The awarding of the fees associated with the suit was priceless.

The case that Ldij posted addresses a totally different situation.

This involves one child with developmental disabilities and another child with neurological disabilities, both of which can bring into play a number of other players including a Guardian ad Litem, which might be the best route to go to avoid stress and conflict.

Please make use of all the resources available to families with disabled/developmentally disabled children including respite care, don't turn your daughter's special needs into extortion.

Rather than fight grandma on visitaiton, agree to it with specific qualifications, such as supervised visitation and specific training re the care of your disabled children. This might occur during your respite periods. Children, especially disabled children and their siblings need all the love and attention they can get, sometimes that means relationships with their less than perfect grandparents.

I am sorry for any confusion here about my children. My daughter has neurological differences (which my Mother refuses to acknowledge). These occured in the first trimester, and cause is unknown, along with the fact that she was undiagnosed with a "tongue-tie" until 4yrs. With the therapy over the last 3.5 years she has made great progress. My mother was against the therapy. I was told by 3 neuros, 2 OT, 2 ST and a PT, not to mention her Pediatrician, that if I hadn't followed through with her therapy on my own, she would have been severely delayed and placed in a self contained classroom in school, rather than in Regular ed, with inclass supports and resource room. My Mother has fought me on any decision I have made for my daughter and done her very best to undermine my parental authority every chance she gets.

My son was born normal. No Downs.

I dont understand your comment "Please make use of all the resources available to families with disabled/developmentally disabled children including respite care, don't turn your daughter's special needs into extortion."

My daughters disabilities are not severe enough for respite. As far as extortion, I don't understand where you are going??? I have never asked for money from anyone for my daughter's therapy. As it stands now, because I had to go out of network for her therapies, it has cost us quite a bit of $$$, but I am not concerned with that. We have taken out second mortgages to pay for them. I am concerned that my Mother's bizarre attachment to my daughter, and her loathing for me, will take money that we need for her therapy away from us to fight a legal battle.

My Mother also ignores my son. She didn't want me to have him. She felt it took away attention from my daughter. What does that teach my daughter?

I am interested in your views on the fact she did the same thing to my brother and his children. She has openly said horrible things about my brother and his "offspring".

I worry about having delt with the seperation for 8 months now with my daughter, only to have visitation take place again, and my mother lose interest in my daughter in a few years, just like she did with her own children and grandchildren. Once the children in her life reach about 10, she is gone.

My mother would never agree to supervised visitation. She wants the kids dropped off by taxi to her home. She lives alone, lake front with no fence. Not only does my daughter and son not swim yet, but my Mother cannot swim. She can't run because of her back, she can't pick up my son either. Her vehicle is a 280z with two seats only. I cannot let her be with the children alone. I have offered her to come here several months ago, but she won't. She only lives 45 min away, and works 20 min. away.

If I felt that she was a healthy person for these kids to be around, I would do as I did for years, drive them to see her at work/home several times a week and tolerate her undermining behavior. But since I got pregnant with my son, her mental state has become increasingly twisted. Other than buying my daughter everything she wants (including things I said not to buy her) she has never done a single thing with my daughter. She is not involved in her daily life, therapy, schooling, hobbies.

I am very frustrated that the courts can negate my gut feelings about the best interest of my children, and that I am the one that will have to prove I am justified in her not seeing my children.