I live in tenn. and my husband is being taken to court over back child support. It is not a clear and easy case, so we have hired an attorney. My husband divorced in 1993 with 2 small children ages 4 and 6 at the time. He was given joint custody and had to pay little child support due to the fact that he had them a great deal of time. He paid his ex directly and there was never any problem. then one year after the divorce she gets married and they all leave the state. she gave him no notice that she was leaving or her wherabouts. so, for him, since she never contacted him, he didn't pay child support, because there was no one to pay it to. he even hired an attorney sometime afterwards trying to have her charged for contempt of court, but she never answered to the notice that was run in the newspaper. her family still lives in town. she would allow the children to come and stay with her family during the summer and on holidays. the family would call my husband and tell him they had the kids and he could come over there and visit with them. sometimes, they actually let him keep them over night. this went on for four years. they wanted total control. then in 97 she decided the kids couldn't come around anymore. now, her second husband and her divorced and she has moved back to town. and now after all these years with no contact, she is taking my husband to court. she still will not let the kids see their dad, they are now 16 and 18. the 18 yr. old is in his last yr. of school. she is not interested in the children's relationship with their father, or she would have never denied him access to his own children. she wasn't even interested in getting her child support payments until she got divorced from current husband. It is really sad that someone can do this to their children, and then go to court demanding money for theirselves(that is all that matters!) but, what we are afraid of, is the current child support will be modified to his income as to what he makes now, and not what it was in 1993 when they were divorced and he was given joint custody.this doesn't seem fair at all that a woman can deny a father his parental rights, and then act like she doesn't care about recieving child support, or does nothing to collect it. then waits after 12 years and goes back to court and wants all back pay plus current. How could my husband get back all of his lost visits with his kids? they are now almost grown, and they have been alienated from their dad. Has anyone been in a similar situation or might give advice as to what we can expect. with attorney cost and this child support arrearanges, plus current, we are afraid we will lose everything we own. Neither of us are young enough to start all over. Any help or suggestions would be appreciated.
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going to court over child support
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VeronicaGia
Senior Member
Your husbands first mistake was not paying support. He should have sent it to the state and had them distribute it or reimburse him if they couldn't find her.
His next mistake was not pursuing her via contempt of court actions for denial of visitation.
He's very likely going to be hit hard financially for this. Does he have a copy of the court documents when he filed years ago and she couldn't be found? It may not help, but it may. And unfortunately, no one here can tell you what a judge will decide.
His next mistake was not pursuing her via contempt of court actions for denial of visitation.
He's very likely going to be hit hard financially for this. Does he have a copy of the court documents when he filed years ago and she couldn't be found? It may not help, but it may. And unfortunately, no one here can tell you what a judge will decide.
While you make a good argument on your husband's behalf, child support and visitation are 2 totally seperate issues. One is not dependant on the other. If he paid cs directly to her and then didn't know where to send it once she moved out of state, he should have taken the initiative to realize he'd be in contempt by not paying, and make arrangements to pay thru the state. Same with visitation.....he could have filed for contempt on her for taking the kids out of state and denying visitation. "Out of sight - out of mind" is ignorance. And if he was really worried about his kid's welfare, he could have paid cs thru the grandparents during the 4 years they gave him access to the kids. It seems really sad a father can ignore his children for such basic survival needs as food and clothing.....something he's 1/2 responsible for.....not the step-father in his place, just because he doesn't see them at the time (although you say he DID see them during some of this time!).finetw said:I live in tenn. and my husband is being taken to court over back child support. It is not a clear and easy case, so we have hired an attorney. My husband divorced in 1993 with 2 small children ages 4 and 6 at the time. He was given joint custody and had to pay little child support due to the fact that he had them a great deal of time. He paid his ex directly and there was never any problem. then one year after the divorce she gets married and they all leave the state. she gave him no notice that she was leaving or her wherabouts. so, for him, since she never contacted him, he didn't pay child support, because there was no one to pay it to. he even hired an attorney sometime afterwards trying to have her charged for contempt of court, but she never answered to the notice that was run in the newspaper. her family still lives in town. she would allow the children to come and stay with her family during the summer and on holidays. the family would call my husband and tell him they had the kids and he could come over there and visit with them. sometimes, they actually let him keep them over night. this went on for four years. they wanted total control. then in 97 she decided the kids couldn't come around anymore. now, her second husband and her divorced and she has moved back to town. and now after all these years with no contact, she is taking my husband to court. she still will not let the kids see their dad, they are now 16 and 18. the 18 yr. old is in his last yr. of school. she is not interested in the children's relationship with their father, or she would have never denied him access to his own children. she wasn't even interested in getting her child support payments until she got divorced from current husband. It is really sad that someone can do this to their children, and then go to court demanding money for theirselves(that is all that matters!) but, what we are afraid of, is the current child support will be modified to his income as to what he makes now, and not what it was in 1993 when they were divorced and he was given joint custody.this doesn't seem fair at all that a woman can deny a father his parental rights, and then act like she doesn't care about recieving child support, or does nothing to collect it. then waits after 12 years and goes back to court and wants all back pay plus current. How could my husband get back all of his lost visits with his kids? they are now almost grown, and they have been alienated from their dad. Has anyone been in a similar situation or might give advice as to what we can expect. with attorney cost and this child support arrearanges, plus current, we are afraid we will lose everything we own. Neither of us are young enough to start all over. Any help or suggestions would be appreciated.
How can your ex get back some of his visits? Obviously, he can't. But at the same time, how can his kids get back many of the things they missed out on because their father didn't help support them?
child support
My husband had always paid child support directly to his ex prior to her leaving. the state of tenn. didn't become centralized for recieving child support until much later. It would have had to be taken back to court in order to get that set up, and since she didn't answer the notice for her whereabouts, that didn't seem likely. he did save copies of everything. It cost almost $1000. at that time, so no, he didn't want to keep hiring an attorney over and over again and not have results. It is easier said than done. they have total control. she still has her number unlisted.we live at the same place with the same phone number and family in the same place. He could easily be found. but, she got by with concealing her children and their whereabouts. I know in my situation, my ex husband took off for several years and we didn't know his whereabouts. I just don't know why his ex didn't try to collect her child support the whole time she was married to her second husband. but, the attorney plans on asking her that when it goes to court, why she didn't allow the children to see their dad and why she waited all this time. and since my husband is now countersueing her, she will have to answer to cause.
My husband had always paid child support directly to his ex prior to her leaving. the state of tenn. didn't become centralized for recieving child support until much later. It would have had to be taken back to court in order to get that set up, and since she didn't answer the notice for her whereabouts, that didn't seem likely. he did save copies of everything. It cost almost $1000. at that time, so no, he didn't want to keep hiring an attorney over and over again and not have results. It is easier said than done. they have total control. she still has her number unlisted.we live at the same place with the same phone number and family in the same place. He could easily be found. but, she got by with concealing her children and their whereabouts. I know in my situation, my ex husband took off for several years and we didn't know his whereabouts. I just don't know why his ex didn't try to collect her child support the whole time she was married to her second husband. but, the attorney plans on asking her that when it goes to court, why she didn't allow the children to see their dad and why she waited all this time. and since my husband is now countersueing her, she will have to answer to cause.
Maybe MOM should have thought about that before denying her kids their dad and the support he'd been paying before she disapperaed them.Phnx02 said:How can your ex get back some of his visits? Obviously, he can't. But at the same time, how can his kids get back many of the things they missed out on because their father didn't help support them?
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