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my friend just found out she was adopted

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patriciakolovos

Junior Member
What is the name of your state?oklahoma
what am i supposed to do? my best friend just found out she was adopted and her parents dont know she knows but she doesnt know what to do cause she doesnt want them to no that she looked through there mail they would get mad plus shes omost 17teen so shes really confussed cause all her life she thought they where her parents what should i do? and now she wants to no who her real parents are but we thought that theres a law that sometimes under some sercumtances you cant tell your child they have been adopted tell there 18 is that true?
 


nextwife

Senior Member
I am so sorry for your friend that she is struggling this way. I feel very strongly that adoption should be openly discussed and celebrated. There is NOTHING wrong with joining a family by adoption. Adoptees should know their own "adoption story" in age appropriate terms from their pre-verbal days. Mine has always known, since before she could talk, and just accepts her adoption as a fact of life, like her hair color or height.

First, the parents she knows ARE her "real parents". Their love and attention to her, their support and caregiving was "real" and there while your friend was growing. They ARE her parents, and it would be helpful to her if you used terminology that helps reinforce that fact.

As regards her biological parents, she may or may not be able to someday connect with them. It really depends on the circumstances regarding the adoption and their current status (Healthy? Alive? In the US? etc.) There ARE adoption registries in many states. Whether her bioparents chose to make their identities available through one cannot be known until your friend is at whatever the legal age is for the involved states to check. For example, my daughter was left at an orphanage at birth, and, while we have a name for the biomom, it is unlikely she could be tracked down in her country, and no biodad is even listed on her birth certificate.

There are web support groups for adoptees. Many of the parents I know on my adoptive parent support groups were themselves adoptees.

The following is a good general resource - links with many adoption sites available. http://www.adopting.org/

She needs to talk to her parents about what she know and ask them to share "her" story. She may also want to seek counseling to work through this new information about herself.

Adoption is just a different way to become a family.
 
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