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Am I LEGALLY responsible?

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Lyterius

Junior Member
What is the name of your state?Oregon
I may or may not be the father of a girl who is about to turn 18. There is another person listed on the Birth certificate due to the child being the result of an affair with a married woman and I have never been contacted to pay support. I was 15 at the time of conception and have taken no active role in parenting and honestly don't know if the girl is aware of my possible biological role. I now have 3 legitimate daughters of my own and no interest in adding to my financial burden. I would however like to offer this girl the option of a blood test and if she is biologically mine I would like to offer her knowledge of her sisters (and me). My question is, when can I approach her without having to worry about child support obligations or the government coming after me to pay for back AFDC payments? I posted earlier and the responses were focused on the "should" and "should not" issue... I understand that there are moral questions related to the issue but my questions are purely legal:
1) What may be my liability for future and past support to both the mother and to the state (she's been on assistance to the best of my knowledge) should I pursue the issue and discover I am the BioDad?
2) What is the statute of Limitations on this?
 


BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
Lyterius said:
What is the name of your state?Oregon
I may or may not be the father of a girl who is about to turn 18. There is another person listed on the Birth certificate due to the child being the result of an affair with a married woman and I have never been contacted to pay support. I was 15 at the time of conception and have taken no active role in parenting and honestly don't know if the girl is aware of my possible biological role. I now have 3 legitimate daughters of my own and no interest in adding to my financial burden. I would however like to offer this girl the option of a blood test and if she is biologically mine I would like to offer her knowledge of her sisters (and me). My question is, when can I approach her without having to worry about child support obligations or the government coming after me to pay for back AFDC payments? I posted earlier and the responses were focused on the "should" and "should not" issue... I understand that there are moral questions related to the issue but my questions are purely legal:
1) What may be my liability for future and past support to both the mother and to the state (she's been on assistance to the best of my knowledge) should I pursue the issue and discover I am the BioDad?
2) What is the statute of Limitations on this?
After reading your sorry plight, and by sorry I don't mean to give sympathy, I'm going to let someone else answer you. Your entire post leaves a bat taste in my mouth.
 

Lyterius

Junior Member
OK... I really didn't want to get into the whole moral issue on this but nobody seems to be able to get past it. First, I am neither proud nor ashamed for my actions, they were what I felt I needed to do at the time as a teenager. Second, as far as I'm concerned I HAVE NO PARENTAL RIGHTS! When I walked away I did so knowing that I'd never be able to claim any legal, moral, or emotional rights to the child. I would however like to give her the opportunity to know her biological roots (much like the adoption registry which neither of us has access to due to the circumstances). All I want to know is if the act of giving her this option leaves me exposed for financial obligations?
Now, for those of you who are still convinced I am a step below Hitler on the moral scale consider this: Had I not made the choice I did when I did the chances of me being a college graduate who is contributing to society would be greatly diminished. In addition, given who I was at the time I would place far better than even odds that I would have not only not become succussful but that I would either be incarcerated or on AFDC, meth addicted, and basically a leech on our system. I know I would have made a poor father at the time and the child was most likely far better cared for and less confused without me in her life. Also, as a male I had no right to "choose" or to force an adoption. I'm not defending abortion, but women in our culture carry ALL the power regarding whether or not to sentence a man to 18 years of financial garnishments once she is impregnated. In addition, after reading this isn't it apparent that my level of selfishness would have made me a bitter, worthless father who blamed his child for his poor fortune in life and thus made the child feel in turn worthless? Lastly, all paying support now would do is financially ruin a struggling but functioning family with 3 healthy, involved girls who I don't treat like they've ruined my life.
You may not like it, but it's honest... Now Will someone answer my original question?
 

Phnx02

Member
Lyterius said:
What is the name of your state?Oregon
I may or may not be the father of a girl who is about to turn 18. There is another person listed on the Birth certificate due to the child being the result of an affair with a married woman and I have never been contacted to pay support. I was 15 at the time of conception and have taken no active role in parenting and honestly don't know if the girl is aware of my possible biological role. I now have 3 legitimate daughters of my own and no interest in adding to my financial burden. I would however like to offer this girl the option of a blood test and if she is biologically mine I would like to offer her knowledge of her sisters (and me). My question is, when can I approach her without having to worry about child support obligations or the government coming after me to pay for back AFDC payments? I posted earlier and the responses were focused on the "should" and "should not" issue... I understand that there are moral questions related to the issue but my questions are purely legal:
1) What may be my liability for future and past support to both the mother and to the state (she's been on assistance to the best of my knowledge) should I pursue the issue and discover I am the BioDad?
2) What is the statute of Limitations on this?
What were the exact circumstances when you gave this child up? You say in this post you had an affair with a married woman and a child was born. In your 2nd post you say something about not being able to see the adoption records. Can try to answer both ways. 1) In many states if a child is born within a marriage, the husband is considered the legal father whether he is the biological father or not. This is strengthened by the fact he signed the birth certificate (and assumed parentage). If the 2 parents divorce at a later time, the husband still retains paternity rights and must pay child support until age of emancipation. Generally, this cannot ever be changed and so you're off the hook financially. But research your state law or consult with an attorney to be sure!

2) If you acknowledged paternity at birth and signed adoption papers allowing this other man to legally adopt your child, then your parental rights including all cs obligations, were terminated forever.

However, either scenerio does not stop you from possibly establishing a relationship with the child. You need to consult with the mother to learn how she was raised ie; was she raised to think her dad in her life is her biological father, or was she told she's adopted? You need to know these things before you proceed or you could cause alot of problems for this girl.
 

Lyterius

Junior Member
THANK YOU... To the best of my knowledge there was no adoption (I just used the example to state that if there was an adoption we could use the registry to choose whether or not to contact each other) and the girl is probably quite unsure who her biological father is due to the circumstances surrounding the whole issue. I do know that she carries the ex-husbands last name and to the best of my knowledge he is listed on the birth certificate. The mother was most definately married at the time of conception and probably not legally divorced by the time of the birth. Worst case scenario is that there is no father listed on the Birth Certificate and the State has assumed responsibility. In this case after 18 years what could my obligation potentially be?
 

Phnx02

Member
Lyterius said:
THANK YOU... To the best of my knowledge there was no adoption (I just used the example to state that if there was an adoption we could use the registry to choose whether or not to contact each other) and the girl is probably quite unsure who her biological father is due to the circumstances surrounding the whole issue. I do know that she carries the ex-husbands last name and to the best of my knowledge he is listed on the birth certificate. The mother was most definately married at the time of conception and probably not legally divorced by the time of the birth. Worst case scenario is that there is no father listed on the Birth Certificate and the State has assumed responsibility. In this case after 18 years what could my obligation potentially be?
Again, check your state law. Many states automatically give the husband paternity rights for the child being born within the marriage. This could be the case even if his name isn't on the BC. On the contrary, some states have a law granting legal paternity to whichever man signs the BC.

You can research all this yourself on-line, go to a law library which is open to the public, ask an attorney (some will give a free quick phone consultation), or call the county clerk (most will not tell you anything, but sometimes you can get a sympathetic person on the line).

If the husband is not recognized as the legal father either thru marriage or signing the BC, then paternity is officially unknown until either the mother or the biological father establishes it thru a DNA test. If this is completed before the child reaches age of emancipation, the bio father will be granted visitation rights and be ordered to pay child support. In many instances, he only has to pay cs from the date paternity was established. But it's also not unheard of for the father to pay years of back cs.....especially if the mother claims she knew you were the father all along, but couldn't find you blah, blah, blah.
Research your state law if there's a statute of limitations on the latter.

If she ever recieved state assistance (welfare), more than likely, you would have to pay back child support to the date she started receiving benefits. Even if paternity isn't established until AFTER the child turns 18. This is because the state wants to be paid back their money and they can do this! You will be allowed to make monthly payments, not one lump sum.
 

BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
The REASON your post leaft a bad taste in my mouth is NOT the fact that you had an affair with a married women which produced a child, it's because, after 18 years you want to know if you can be held financially responsible instead of wanting to know if you have a chance to get to know the child or even find out if the child is yours.

Do this child a favor and NEVER contact her.
 

djohnson

Senior Member
I also have concern for the girl here. I'm not even talking about moral issues when you were young, or even your questioning responsibility now. My problem with this is how do you think telling her now and messing up her normal life is a benefit to her. This a terribly confusing age for any girl. To throw this at her too could destroy her. Also, she isn't old enough to even try and understand the reason you made the choices you did. All she will see is what you didn't do and blame you greatly. Telling her now would be selfish on your part. I don't like that part of it, especially when you don't even know forsure and you could cause her problems by letting her know her mom had an affair for no reason. I would talk to the mom before I done anything. I think you are asking for trouble and that isn't judging you on your past issues, but advising on future choices.

Legally your financial question is hard to answer without knowing the exact circumstances of mom and child prior to now. Did they divorce? Was he paying child support? Did she get public assistance? There is no correct answer to every circumstance.
 

Lyterius

Junior Member
Thanks for the replies... I'm actually quite suprised that the state seems to have no statute of limitations on what it can go after you for financially!!! As for the "NEVER" contact her... That very well might be the course I take, but for me I feel like I'd like to give her the option to choose. Due to there being no Adoption in this case there is no middle ground where both of us can put our names and for that I am sad. Oh well...
 

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