Father wants to take granddaughter

What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? California

In 2002 my granddaughter who was 8 at the time told me that she just doesn't get any attention from her parents. They slept all weekend she would go in and ask them for breakfast one would get up and then go back to bed she would spend the whole day watching t.v. and when it got dark and she was hungry she go ask if she gets dinner tonight. When awake she was always watching t.v. in her room because they were always watching t.v. show she couldn't watch. She would eat alone in her bedroom every night. Her mom would a lot of times not get her for school so she missed quite a bit. Sometimes she would get dressed herself and wait and wait but mom wouldn't get up. My granddaughter doesn't know but we found out later they were also smoking marajuana at the time. During this time from about 4 years old to 8 she was always asking to come visit and I would go pick her up once a month until she went to school and keep her about a week. Then when school started I would take her every vacation which was a year round schedule so it would be about a month 3 times a year and christmas vacation.

Then in 2002 I got the opportunity to come and move about 20 minutes away. I figured I could get her involved in activities and just get involved in her life. Well the neighborhood was horrible there was helicopters over heard every night. A murder a few door down. I would keep her on weekends and wednesday nights to take her to church. Then in 2004 after seeing her at the school she went to for 3rd grade I got the idea that we could use my address and she could go to school near me which has a wonderful school system. Her parents said they couldn't manage to get her to school in the mornings so I was going to keep her during the week. I suggested they take her on weekends then. Every weekend they were too busy to come get her. So from June 2003 to November 2003 no calls or visits from either.

It was in November that her parents got a divorce. My daughter in law moved with a friend and hour and a half away and in almost 2 years she has taken her to vist perhaps 3 times and rarely calls. My son moved literally down the street. Yet he called maybe once a week and took her to dinner once a week sometimes he didn't come get her. In this time I have been able with the help of my daughter to give her a stable life. My daughter has gotten her into soccer, girlscouts, and she is playing the trumpet. She takes her to all soccer practices, girl scout meeting and trumpet practice. She goes on field trips with her.

Now here is the problem. My son met a new girl this last year. This girl met my granddaughter in December. Now he has moved in with her and wants my granddaughter to come live with them. My granddaughter has only had a visit with this woman 3 times. She barely knows her father even though she loves him she doesn't want to live with him. She doesn't mind visiting. She doesn't feel comfortable with them. What rights do a child who will be 11 in July have to say where she wants to live. At the very least you would think he would have her come visit on weekends to get to know both of them. She is not comfortable yet to even be herself with them. How does anyone even know how long they will be together? I just don't like this at all. I think it's completely unfair to expect her to embrass this situation because he feels like being the dad after 2 years. He wasn't even a good father the previous 8 years. Is there anything that can be done or does she have no rights? He can't stop saying he doesn't care if she doesn't want to go he is her father.

All through your post I was waiting for the ONE PIECE of fact that would change my answer. However, it didn't appear.

So, the only answer that would be legally valid is yes, he can come and get his daughter from you baring a custody order in favor of the mother.

You, on the other hand, have no legal rights to keep the child and he can call the police and have you arrested if you don't hand her over.

sorry grandma you have no say in this

this is a custody situation your son and his ex need to work out,without any interference from you. i assume shes about 10 or 11 yrs old?

What do you mean without interference with me? I haven't interfered. I have done nothing but be a parent to her for the past 2 years without a bit of help from them. There is no fight between the parents. The mother doesn't want her. My son wants her to come live with him and his new girlfriend. A girlfriend the child doesn't even know. I figured I didn't have any rights but I was hoping her as an 11 year old child had some rights. She doesn't want to go and it breaks my heart to have to make her go. So basically he can drop her off for 2 years and she just has to go into a home with someone she doesn't know barely at all because he is a jerk. Lovely country we have here. Children don't matter at all.

Oh and just for the record I have no intention of making a scene. Unlike my son I care too much for her to make this anything other then a amiable switch. He can't even do it on his own. He wants me to pick her up from school everyday and keep her on weekends. It's not like I will be losing touch with her I will see her everyday. It's the fact that she has told me she doesn't want to go live with them. She likes where she is living and loves her animals we have here and doesn't feel comfortable with the girlfriend. He tries to pick her up on weekends but half the time he is too busy to take her. I mean come on this is ridiculous.

Cairn6 said:

Oh and just for the record I have no intention of making a scene. Unlike my son I care too much for her to make this anything other then a amiable switch. He can't even do it on his own. He wants me to pick her up from school everyday and keep her on weekends. It's not like I will be losing touch with her I will see her everyday. It's the fact that she has told me she doesn't want to go live with them. She likes where she is living and loves her animals we have here and doesn't feel comfortable with the girlfriend. He tries to pick her up on weekends but half the time he is too busy to take her. I mean come on this is ridiculous.

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and that's your opinion. Which, honestly, doesn't mean anything in this situation. Because you have nothing whatsoever to say about it.

I would strongly suggest that you keep those feelings to yourself and instead of acting them out, help your granddaughter transition to knowing her father.

If you don't, you could stand to lose them BOTH!

If you can, you might suggest to Dad to try and make the switch slowly. Tell him to start taking her on weekends, so that she can get to know the girlfriend, and the area. Tell him to come to some of her functions so that he is an active participant in her life. That way she is put into some sort of shell shock with a new parent, new girlfriend, new home, new school, new everything (you get the picture) This will enable to girl to get to know him and then maybe she won't be so opposed to moving with him, or maybe he will see that she really wants to stay with you and leave things as they are.

That is what I intend to do. Believe me he knows none of these feelings. He only knows that he's daughter doesn't feel comfortable. Her mother doesn't even know about this and I fear her mom might all of a sudden decide to fight for her simply because she doesn't want her daughter raised by a stranger. Her mother likes her here. It's really hard and I am not understanding some of the hostility from Belize Breeze. I didn't create this problem my son and daughter in law did. I never took this child they left her here and had nothing to do with her. I will not lose anyone this is my son and I love him but he has been completely irresponsible when he had her and when he didn't. He and her mother have always dropped her off at my house and never called her or checked up on here. The only reason it ever came up for him to take her is I asked for $100 a month for support for her because I am having financial problems.

I am nothing but civil with him because I don't want this to become a problem for my granddaughter. I am just tired of her being jerked around from home to home. They lived with her other grandmother for the first 4 years of my granddaughter's life and she was so happy there. Then they moved out of town and moved 5 times in 4 years because they can't hold a job and she was miserable the entire 4 years they had her in their custody. Now she is happy again and he wants to take her because he feels it's cheaper to keep her then to pay child support for her of $100 a month so I can keep her in some activities she has grown to love. He says she will have to quit a few things because he can't afford it. So her life will once again consist of sitting alone in her room when not in school if I weren't here that is. I know I have no say in this but he is being very selfish as usual. I will pay the money for her to continue as I always did. He will gladly take money from me he always has. I have paid for every birthday party, birthday present, Christmas present, school clothes, school supplies her entire life. I am not kidding they haven't done a thing for her. It's really sad but true. I did it because I didn't want her to go without because as I said they never held a job. Last year they were both working yet no one got her a Christmas present. This is so frustrating she deserves decent parents. Every child does. I never planned on raising a child I already raised 3 of my own. Two are wonderful responsible people what happened to him. I would love to be her grandma again but I never will be I will always be picking up the slack for him.

she has to go

your granddaughter doesnt have a choice in the matter. if dad has custody, she has to go, wehter she wants to or not. shes not old enough to deicde where to live, shes a child,children dont get to make those decisons. myabe you can work it out with the father to get some sort of visitation with her.

Well I am sorry I wasted everyone's time but this afternoon right after my last post I talked to her dad and helped him realize he is being unrealistic. There is no morning care at her school, no afternoon care, both of them work but can't afford any out of the family care. So I told him why not just take her on weekends but make a commitment to actually take her so she can rely on you instead of saying you'll take her and canceling everytime. Then maybe by the time she is old enough to be on her own and doesn't need help before and after school they can discuss it then. I understand some kids are too young to tell you what they want and to know what is best for them. That is why children don't mind living with abusive parents because they don't know better and love their parents no matter what(her parents weren't abusive just a bit neglectful in my opinion). But some children do understand what their life used to be like and how they feel about it today. She is very articulate and it's a shame children can't have more rights in the law to simply voice their opinion. Within reason of course. At the same time asking a child where she wants to live is unfair too. I have never asked her and always told her it's for the grown-ups to decide. Yet she came back from dinner crying that her dad said he wanted to take and that he asked her where she wanted to live and she is afraid he is mad at her because she saw him mad at mommy and doesn't want him to get that mad at her. He does have a temper. But I don't think he would ever show her that kind of a temper.