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Adoption / Cs

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WHAT?

Junior Member
This might be very confusing and sound really stupid to a lot of people but here goes:

* My EX and I were married in April 2003.
* She has 3 children.
* Shortly before we got married the father of the children signed over rights of the children to me. I legally adopted them.
* When we got married I was a consultant for a major firm. I made around 875,000 a year.
* In June 2003 I was on a business trip for my firm. The driver fell asleep at the wheel and crashed. I received extensive brain damage, hearing in 1 ear and my left leg from the thigh down, with extensive nerve damage all over my body. I have involuntary spasms in my arms and leg to this day.
* 3 Weeks after I got released from the hospital my (then) wife approached me with a lawyer standing next to her. She said that she could not be with me anymore because of my new condition.
* I agreed to the divorce and did not fight it in any way. I agreed to the child support only to ensure that the children would be taken care of. I bought her a moderate (450,000) 4 bedroom house and furnished it but I refused to pay alimony or any part of the estate. I told her that it was her own selfishness that was causing the divorce. I think that she decided to not fight it because she knew what kind of money I had and what kind of lawyers I could get with my money. I send her 4000 a month in CS (the kids go to a private school). I know that I do not have to send that much but the children became accustomed to this type of lifestyle and I don't see why they can't stay in it as long as I can afford it.
* 3 weeks ago she ran off to Vegas and got married again.
* The man that she married is the father of her children!
* I called the dad and asked him when he was going to meet (I just assumed he would) with me and my lawyer to have me sign over the parental rights to him. He said that he had no intention of doing this and told me that they are my legal responsibility.
* I can definitely afford to still pay the child support so that is not really my problem.

* My questions are these: Does it seem to anybody else like I am getting scammed here? Does it seem right that dad can do this? Do you think that it would be right for me to fight for custody?

I can afford and do have a lawyer, I am not asking for legal advice, I am asking for your opinions on this matter. What do you think I should do? I have not yet consulted with my lawyer about this for I am not yet sure if I am going to take any action. This is not about me wasting my money or anything like that. Between the settlement from the accident and my savings (I kept everything from the marriage) I have more than enough in savings to not have to worry about money for the rest of my lifetime. My main concern is making sure that the children are well taken care of. I might be interested in appointing a guardian in the event of my death that will ensure that the children are taken care of but I am very torn on the matter. The children come and visit every other weekend (this is all I really wanted because of my condition).
 


LdiJ

Senior Member
WHAT? said:
This might be very confusing and sound really stupid to a lot of people but here goes:

* My EX and I were married in April 2003.
* She has 3 children.
* Shortly before we got married the father of the children signed over rights of the children to me. I legally adopted them.
* When we got married I was a consultant for a major firm. I made around 875,000 a year.
* In June 2003 I was on a business trip for my firm. The driver fell asleep at the wheel and crashed. I received extensive brain damage, hearing in 1 ear and my left leg from the thigh down, with extensive nerve damage all over my body. I have involuntary spasms in my arms and leg to this day.
* 3 Weeks after I got released from the hospital my (then) wife approached me with a lawyer standing next to her. She said that she could not be with me anymore because of my new condition.
* I agreed to the divorce and did not fight it in any way. I agreed to the child support only to ensure that the children would be taken care of. I bought her a moderate (450,000) 4 bedroom house and furnished it but I refused to pay alimony or any part of the estate. I told her that it was her own selfishness that was causing the divorce. I think that she decided to not fight it because she knew what kind of money I had and what kind of lawyers I could get with my money. I send her 4000 a month in CS (the kids go to a private school). I know that I do not have to send that much but the children became accustomed to this type of lifestyle and I don't see why they can't stay in it as long as I can afford it.
* 3 weeks ago she ran off to Vegas and got married again.
* The man that she married is the father of her children!
* I called the dad and asked him when he was going to meet (I just assumed he would) with me and my lawyer to have me sign over the parental rights to him. He said that he had no intention of doing this and told me that they are my legal responsibility.
* I can definitely afford to still pay the child support so that is not really my problem.

* My questions are these: Does it seem to anybody else like I am getting scammed here? Does it seem right that dad can do this? Do you think that it would be right for me to fight for custody?

I can afford and do have a lawyer, I am not asking for legal advice, I am asking for your opinions on this matter. What do you think I should do? I have not yet consulted with my lawyer about this for I am not yet sure if I am going to take any action. This is not about me wasting my money or anything like that. Between the settlement from the accident and my savings (I kept everything from the marriage) I have more than enough in savings to not have to worry about money for the rest of my lifetime. My main concern is making sure that the children are well taken care of. I might be interested in appointing a guardian in the event of my death that will ensure that the children are taken care of but I am very torn on the matter. The children come and visit every other weekend (this is all I really wanted because of my condition).
Wow....it almost sounds like you got scammed, completely.

However, the bottom line is that if you love these kids and want to remain part of their lives, that you will need to retain your legal fatherhood, which also means your legal responsibility.

A good attorney might be able to prove that you were scammed, but you would lose the kids too.
 

abstract99

Senior Member
I don't know about the getting scammed part but i guess if you can afford the CS and you want it to stay in place then I guess you could keep it there.
I don't know how mom can do that though.
You could fight for custody but depending on the curcumstances of your condition, it might be brought up in court.
I can see why it might be a delema though. Here you have these kids that you love and care for and you are trying to decide if you should pull them away from their bio mom and dad so they can come live with you. That is a tough one that I am afraid you might be the only one that can make that type of decision.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
You chose to adopt these kids. They are your responsibility now. Her new husband has no obligation to adopt them. But it is pretty sad that they're being treated like puppies, especially by Mom - because all of this "Daddy of the moment" thing is exactly that. Your motivations may have been good at the time - now is the time to prove it.
 

brisgirl825

Senior Member
I am sorry that you are in this situation. I definately think that you trying to fight for custody would be a good thing. They don't need to be raised by a woman that can treat people that way. I'm sure given the facts around this case, a judge would be sympathetic towards you.
Women like that give the rest of us a bad name.

Good luck
Sarah
 

WHAT?

Junior Member
stealth2 said:
You chose to adopt these kids. They are your responsibility now. Her new husband has no obligation to adopt them. But it is pretty sad that they're being treated like puppies, especially by Mom - because all of this "Daddy of the moment" thing is exactly that. Your motivations may have been good at the time - now is the time to prove it.
Oh no no no... The only reason why I called their dad is because I assumed that since mom and dad were back together he would want to have the rights signed back over. I have no problem with keeping them at all. I even told the mom that if dad did not want the custody signed over because he did not want the support to stop that I was still willing to make sure the children were taken care of. I told her that I would pay for their school, send them a weekly allowance and their trust funds would still stay in tact. Honestly, I have no family. I am an only child, both of my parents are dead and they are both only children too. If in the even that I died the kids would get the money anyways. I am slightly concerned that I am being used here though.
I am wondering if you people think that it would be morally right to go to court and file for full custody. If I won I would be removing the children from a home where both of their biological parents are. I can ensure that the children will get a good education; they will be well taken care of. I no longer work so I am available to them night and day. Mom is not abusive or anything. The only think that I might be able to use against her is that she and her husband are swingers. I don't really know if that would be seen as a bad thing or not. Do you think it is right for me as a "third party" to pull the children from that environment?
The children are all for it but I think that the only reason why is because I have money and money to children equals fun.
 

WHAT?

Junior Member
brisgirl825 said:
I am sorry that you are in this situation. I definately think that you trying to fight for custody would be a good thing. They don't need to be raised by a woman that can treat people that way. I'm sure given the facts around this case, a judge would be sympathetic towards you.
Women like that give the rest of us a bad name.

Good luck
Sarah

The thing though is that I still perceive her as a good woman. I still love her dearly. When we were married we had sex at least once a day. After my accident I was no longer able to provide this for her. Sex isn't everything but it needs to exist in a marriage for it to work. I don't blame her for leaving. She is a good woman, she allows me to see the children whenever I wish.

I honestly thought nothing of this situation until she remarried her ex. This is when it started to raise questions in my mind as to the intentions of her actions. When we were married we signed a prenuptial agreement which stated that no matter the circumstances of the divorce she would get nothing. I wouldn't think that she would do this for the money but I can't help but wonder.
 

brisgirl825

Senior Member
Mom used you to get child support and dad was either in on it or at the very least terminated parental rights b/c he didn't want tne responsibility. You sound like a great dad. You are standing by your children even after all of this. I think you going for custody would be in the kids' best interests. Mom and bio dad sound like a pair of cons.

Sarah
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
I totally missed that it was bioDad that she remarried! Sorry 'bout that. Yes, sounds like you may have gotten scammed. :( File for custody.
 

WHAT?

Junior Member
Do you think that I would have a chance? I mean I am basically going to be going to court and asking a judge to give custody of the children for no reason. I can't say I was scammed because the judge would probably look at me like I am crazy. I talked to one of my lawyers the other day just briefly and he said it might be a long shot. I din't ask him this but can the dad say that he changed his mind in court and that he does want the kids and then I have to give up my rights to them?
 

WHAT?

Junior Member
It might be important to know that I had pretty extensive brain damage. I have memory lapses and intense migraines that literally incapacitate me. I have a housekeeper though and would be willing to hire some extra help if it would look better in court. I worry how my condition will affect me when I get into court and how they will look at it. I have a prosthetic but I don’t use it because it is very painful so I am basically in a wheel chair for the rest of my life.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
I don't think a judge would be impressed with that argument. You stood up to being a parent. Go for it.
 

stealth2

Under the Radar Member
All I can say is, if this is how you write with extensive brain damage, I'd have liked to know you before. Talk to a few attorneys and see what they have to say about your chances.
 

WHAT?

Junior Member
My lawyer told me that I can be evaluated and then present my evaluation to the courts. I just got off of the phone with my ex and she said that she would fight it and that I was being silly. When we were married I worked long hard hours. She is saying that if I ever go back (I don’t think that I will) to work it will take too much away from the children.

I think that I am going to give it a try. I have nothing to lose really. Even if I lose my rights to the children I will still be there to support them voluntarily. They are important to me. I can't have children anymore so they are really the only children that I will ever have. They love me and I know it. I just hope that they don't hate me down the road for taking them away from their real parents. I just feel that not many children grow up with the opportunity to have the best education and not have to worry about how mom and dad are going to get money. I myself grew up very poor. I never had new clothes to wear and dinner prepared every night like I can provide for the children.

The brain damage has more to do with my memory. I go into lapses where I can't even remember my name. I also have body tremors. My muscles involuntarily have spasms. I am also on a decent amount of medication still but I don't think that might matter. I don't abuse the medicine; I only take it as directed. My ex does not know about this because I was still recovering when she left me.

Thank you for your advice. I just wanted to see what you guys thought about it before I do it. I needed to make sure that I was not just seeing this one sided.
 

brisgirl825

Senior Member
You provide for your children and you seem to be a good dad, a medical condition and the bio dad being back isn't a reason for the courts to force you to give up your rights. There are plenty of parents who abuse their kids and don't get rights taken away. Besides the biodad would have to want to adopt them and he has already said no.
There are plenty of parents who have medical issues and still raise their children. I think you have a good shot. I hope that you do get the opprotunity to raise YOUR children.

Sarah
 

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