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Abused and now HE wants alimony!

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S

sylviat

Member
What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? DC

I am wondering what rights my ex has. He had been verbally, emotionally and physically abusive and realized that I was considering leaving. His drug use was horrific. He decided to tell me about his "newly found illness" (which was in 1998). After repeated abuse sessions I finally ran/left in 2001 - left the house, left everything and hid for me and my children's sake. We lost the house, (I was afraid to go back) and everything else but in the meantime I took out a restraining order and ended up getting an apartment. He moved out of the area and started a new relationship. For 2 years I had no idea where he was and was unable to file for divorce.

He is back in this area now and wants to file for a divorce seeking alimony, half my 401K and anything else he can get. (He broke up with his girlfriend) I believe he knew about his illness before we got married and don't think he deserves anything. I didn't mention the time when I came home to find him and another woman naked in our bedroom. I just want out but am I really going to be held responsible to pay him alimony and give him half of what I've saved?
 


LdiJ

LdiJ

Senior Member
sylviat said:
What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? DC

I am wondering what rights my ex has. He had been verbally, emotionally and physically abusive and realized that I was considering leaving. His drug use was horrific. He decided to tell me about his "newly found illness" (which was in 1998). After repeated abuse sessions I finally ran/left in 2001 - left the house, left everything and hid for me and my children's sake. We lost the house, (I was afraid to go back) and everything else but in the meantime I took out a restraining order and ended up getting an apartment. He moved out of the area and started a new relationship. For 2 years I had no idea where he was and was unable to file for divorce.

He is back in this area now and wants to file for a divorce seeking alimony, half my 401K and anything else he can get. (He broke up with his girlfriend) I believe he knew about his illness before we got married and don't think he deserves anything. I didn't mention the time when I came home to find him and another woman naked in our bedroom. I just want out but am I really going to be held responsible to pay him alimony and give him half of what I've saved?
Click to expand...

Hire an attorney...you can't afford NOT to do that.
 
S

sylviat

Member
LdiJ said:
Hire an attorney...you can't afford NOT to do that.
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Oh I am going to hire one. I was just wondering if anyone had been through anything like this and what the results were.

If I find out that he was sick prior to getting married and knew about it without telling me, I want to know what my rights are and whether or not he has any rights. I was told that that could be attempted murder.
 
LdiJ

LdiJ

Senior Member
sylviat said:
Oh I am going to hire one. I was just wondering if anyone had been through anything like this and what the results were.

If I find out that he was sick prior to getting married and knew about it without telling me, I want to know what my rights are and whether or not he has any rights. I was told that that could be attempted murder.
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I sincerely doubt that alimony is going to happen....and if he gets half of your 401K it will only be half of what accumulated during the marriage. Please talk to an attorney ASAP...
 
A

ablessin

Member
Attempted murder? how? I am confused. Just because he is sick before you married him, and he never told you - that's not murder.

Unless he had an allergy and you fed him the item he was allergic to - sounds like a C.S.I episode.

I "think" alminony starts after 10 years of marriage.
You do need a lawyer........ most consultations are free or of little charge
 
S

sylviat

Member
I failed to say that he knew that he was sick BUT did not tell me so that I could make a decision as to whether or not I wanted to be with him. In some states, it is considered attempted murder if you have a terminal illness (say AIDS), know it, do not inform your partner prior to having relations with them, get married and then tell them years down the line.
 
S

sylviat

Member
LdiJ said:
I sincerely doubt that alimony is going to happen....and if he gets half of your 401K it will only be half of what accumulated during the marriage. Please talk to an attorney ASAP...
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What makes you doubt that alimony is going to happen?
 
S

sylviat

Member
ablessin said:
Attempted murder? how? I am confused. Just because he is sick before you married him, and he never told you - that's not murder.

Unless he had an allergy and you fed him the item he was allergic to - sounds like a C.S.I episode.

I "think" alminony starts after 10 years of marriage.
You do need a lawyer........ most consultations are free or of little charge
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I posted a response to your question. It's not attempted murder on him, it's attempted murder for me! If a person is infected with a terminal illness that can be passed on and does not tell a person about the infection until later on down the years, and that person becomes infected as a result of the other's negligence, he/she should be held liable.
 
V

VeronicaGia

Senior Member
How long have you been married? since no separation papers were ever filed, you've spent the last 4 years married to him also.
 
LdiJ

LdiJ

Senior Member
sylviat said:
What makes you doubt that alimony is going to happen?
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Length of the marriage...and length of the separation. He is going to have a hard time claiming that he can't support himself without alimony when they have lived apart for 4 years.
 
S

sylviat

Member
VeronicaGia said:
How long have you been married? since no separation papers were ever filed, you've spent the last 4 years married to him also.
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It doesn't matter that he's been living with someone else? I know we were "legally" married, but do judges look at the fact that you are/were living with someone else for almost 4 years?
 
LdiJ

LdiJ

Senior Member
sylviat said:
It doesn't matter that he's been living with someone else? I know we were "legally" married, but do judges look at the fact that you are/were living with someone else for almost 4 years?
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Look at my response above her's
 
S

sylviat

Member
Update:

He wants to settle for $5000 - no alimony, no half of 401k/ no visitation with the child, nothing but for me to give him $5,000. Is there something wrong with this picture or should I be glad, give it and run?
 
S

sylviat

Member
The 12 year old is his. He doesn't want custody or no parts of having any responsibility for her. She gets a baby check from SSDI and he says that will represent his child support since he can't supposedly work. You know another bad thing about this whole situation? He CLAIMS he is disable and SSI has granted him the funds based on his condition. However, he hasn't been sick in years - meaning, he can work. He just doesn't want to. His condition has been diagnosed as being undetectable and therefore he has nothing to do but sit around and figure out how he can get money from me. Here's the killer - I've been hospitalized 2 times in the last year for surgery on my kidney AND a shoulder operation. I had been out of work for almost 4 months in the last 12 months!
 
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