No Money, Tapped Out

What is the name of your state? Indiana. When my wife filed for divorce, I was ordered to pay maintenance during the separation, while a settlement agreement was made. This took over two years, during which time I suffered mental breakdowns (lost house, kids, cars) and I lost my business. Creditors kept coming because my wife kept spending on our credit cards. Finally, the house (which she wanted as part of the settlement) went into foreclosure. By that time I was ready to sign anything, just to end the torture (sound familiar?). I finally filed bankruptcy. Now I am dead broke, living hand to mouth.
To conclude, I signed something which, in retrospect, I shoud not have, and I am now court ordered to pay her $10,500 for her "lost equity". Done deal, right?
But, what are my chances of getting relief on the areas of child support which I really cannot afford anymore. These include: $1000/yr for clothing allowance for kids; 50% of deductibles and 80% of all uninsured medical (by the way, does this to mean 80% of co-pay amount or of med. bills not covered by ins.??); and 50% of all extracurricular activities, with no say-so on what?

donka said:

What is the name of your state? Indiana. When my wife filed for divorce, I was ordered to pay maintenance during the separation, while a settlement agreement was made. This took over two years, during which time I suffered mental breakdowns (lost house, kids, cars) and I lost my business. Creditors kept coming because my wife kept spending on our credit cards. Finally, the house (which she wanted as part of the settlement) went into foreclosure. By that time I was ready to sign anything, just to end the torture (sound familiar?). I finally filed bankruptcy. Now I am dead broke, living hand to mouth.
To conclude, I signed something which, in retrospect, I shoud not have, and I am now court ordered to pay her $10,500 for her "lost equity". Done deal, right?
But, what are my chances of getting relief on the areas of child support which I really cannot afford anymore. These include: $1000/yr for clothing allowance for kids; 50% of deductibles and 80% of all uninsured medical (by the way, does this to mean 80% of co-pay amount or of med. bills not covered by ins.??); and 50% of all extracurricular activities, with no say-so on what?

Click to expand...

The 10,500 for the lost equity is a "done deal". You owe it, you have to pay it.

Child support can be reviewed one year after the judge signed the order. Here is a link to the Indiana Child Support Guidelines. Take the time to read them thoroughly, because the CS calculation will be almost guaranteed to be made based on those guidelines. 80% of unreimbursed medical expenses includes co-pays too...they are an unreimbursed medical expense.

http://www.in.gov/judiciary/rules/child_support/

However...keep something in mind. It honestly looks to me like you are basically responsible for your own financial problems....and its likely to look that way to a judge too. So if you don't have the kind of income that you had prior to the divorce...its highly likely that a judge will impute that kind of income to you anyway.....particularly since the bankruptcy relieved you of all of your other debt.

In Indiana, the guidelines state that the NCP (after 6% of medical expenses are paid by the CP) should pay the same % of med exp as their share of CS. Mine is 60%. I'd had my business for 20 years, but the woman I married was an incredible spender - an addiction!! She literally bought stuff Monday and had a garage sale Saturday and sold it for pennies on the dollar. Some of my financial situation is no doubt my fault, but why do the courts immediately consider that the wife is the one who is getting wronged?? I love my kids so much and now she has moved them 1200 miles away, and I rarely get to see them. I am current on my $500 per month child support and am trying to live on $900 per month. I am 50 years old, so it's not like I can go get a terrific job with potential. And now, after moving my kids 1200 miles away, she refuses to help with transportation costs. Basically, I am just a wallet now. $600 to get the kids up here just to visit for 7 weeks of the summer. Won't the courts look at this as a real need for relief? I'm only asking for help with transportation and relief from the $1000 per year clothing allowance and reasonable medical split.

Your choice at stopping some of this has past. Why did you let them move out of state? Why didn't you fight it? Why didn't you have transportation costs put in the order? Were you represented by an attorney? Despite her 'spending problem', you are the one that filed bankruptcy and agreed to all of this. You are the only one to blame for your current situation. Visitation and child support are two different issues. Your child support will have to be paid until you get it changed by a court order. You will have to show a change in circumstances, like you making less and prove you can't make more. If you are paying the correct percentage, nothing else you have stated will change it. You decided to marry her, you decided to have kids by her, you decided to let her take custody of the kids, you decided to let her take them out of state. You have no one to blame but yourself. It is expensive to raise kids, do you think she should shoulder the cost all alone?

You are right! I made the choice to marry her and I intend to support my kids. She gave me one week's notice she was moving out of state with her new husband. She was gone before I could blink. I had a terrible attorney for the divorce and signed away a lot that I should have been advised not to. So now what? Isn't $500 a month enough to put clothes on 2 children. (I'm not supposed to be clothing her). She is remarried. She lives in a 5 bedroom, $300,000 dollar home. She doesn't work, though she has a college degree. Her husband gets the joy of raising MY kids, taking My son to Boy Scout campovers and basketball games. Watching MY daughter play lead in the school play. Hey, I wanted custody, but the judge, of course, had other ideas. Before they moved I had them every weekend, plus every Wednesday night. I was a very, very hands on father. And now I talk to them on the phone daily. Their mental and emotional health is the most important thing here. Don't you think I know raising kids is expensive? But, the problem is I don't get the joy of raising them, do I? Because she was "not happy".

donka said:

You are right! I made the choice to marry her and I intend to support my kids. She gave me one week's notice she was moving out of state with her new husband. She was gone before I could blink. I had a terrible attorney for the divorce and signed away a lot that I should have been advised not to. So now what? Isn't $500 a month enough to put clothes on 2 children. (I'm not supposed to be clothing her). She is remarried. She lives in a 5 bedroom, $300,000 dollar home. She doesn't work, though she has a college degree. Her husband gets the joy of raising MY kids, taking My son to Boy Scout campovers and basketball games. Watching MY daughter play lead in the school play. Hey, I wanted custody, but the judge, of course, had other ideas. Before they moved I had them every weekend, plus every Wednesday night. I was a very, very hands on father. And now I talk to them on the phone daily. Their mental and emotional health is the most important thing here. Don't you think I know raising kids is expensive? But, the problem is I don't get the joy of raising them, do I? Because she was "not happy".

Click to expand...

The reason why I linked you to the guidelines is because they will answer your questions. You need to stop being your own worst enemy. Even though you only had a week's notice you still might have been able to stop her from moving with the kids if you had been proactive...you also may have been able to force her to return the kids to Indiana if you had been proactive.
You didn't have to lose your business or the equity in your home.

You didn't state what your gross wages are but from the info that you did give its probably around 1800.00 - 2000.00 a month. 500.00 for two kids is probably the guideline amount for your income. If you need more, you have the option of working a second job.

However go to the Indiana Child Support calculator and run the numbers. Here is the link.

https://secure.in.gov/judiciary/childsupport/calculator/support.pl

Stop wallowing in your misery and start getting proactive.