Would this work??

NY

OK, here is the sitch. I have sole legal custody of my children. X hubby and I agree that we want the children to stay with my hubby in the event of my death. GP's would do everything in their power to gain custody away from father and stepfather (and it probably wouldn't be to hard to be honest in the case of the X). Would the courts allow a open stepparent adoption?

Biodad would agree to the adoption if (and these are also conditions I agree to):
Children maintain their current last names.
All arrearage be forgiven and no future support (obvious).
Reason visitation still to maintained by biodad. (We have been able to work out our own schedule without the help of the courts since our divorce 2 years ago.)
When both parties move out of the state of NY, agreeable visitation to both parties.

My X would be happy with the fact that he could still play dad without having to pay for it and I would be comforted by the fact that my hubby would be the legal father and noone would be able to take them from him.

1 is this a possibility?
2 is this something we could do in mediation? or would a lawyer be able to draw this up for us with minimal cost?

Your hubby can file a petition to adopt. If husband agrees and judge thinks it is in the best interest of the kids, then chances are good he will agree. It may depend on the financial status of the parties and if he thinks it's ok for the kids to give up that support. The problem is, what you agree to as far as visitation and other stuff, won't be upheld. You and X will just have to hope you continue to agree on everything. He won't have a leg to stand on at that point.

djohnson said:

Your hubby can file a petition to adopt. If husband agrees and judge thinks it is in the best interest of the kids, then chances are good he will agree. It may depend on the financial status of the parties and if he thinks it's ok for the kids to give up that support. The problem is, what you agree to as far as visitation and other stuff, won't be upheld. You and X will just have to hope you continue to agree on everything. He won't have a leg to stand on at that point.

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As far as the support goes, my X was ordered to pay me 50.00 per month, he doesn't pay. He's about 7,000 in arrears to a child before we got married and about 1,000 with me and has a new one with his current. He barely works and thinks nothing of the fact that he may have to go to jail because the other mom pushes the issue with the support. Things are amicable between us which is why I hesitate to take him to court for the support. I think my kids deserve it, but as he's in enough trouble I don't want to make it worse for him. This is more about looking out for the kids in the event of my death, as X knows that he can't support them and that my hubby will. The GP's will do everything in their power to take my kids from their father and stand a good chance of winning. We're hoping that if my DH can be their "legal" father, that won't happen.