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Irresponsible Parents

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nannyjp

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? Oklahoma

I have guardianship of my two grandchildren ages 3 and 4. The oldest is a special needs child due to his parents drug abuse. My husband and I petitioned the Court for guardianship because the children were living with us and the parents used drugs. Mom was in court, dad wasn't. Both were proven unfit. Mom was given a Plan to Terminate Guardianship agreed upon by both parties. She was given 6 months to get her act together. Three years later, she still hasn't completed one of the items on the Plan. Furthermore, she still admits to using pot (and did in Court). When ordered by the judge to take a test about a year and a half ago she refused. This order was after she refused to take the Plan's agreed -upon test. The guardianship order was modified to drop the Plan and give her only visitation at our descretion. She visits about twice a month for a few hours. Dad straighted up for a couple of months, but nothing came from it. He has had no contact since Christmas. Both are constantly in trouble with DHS for support since I have State-Aided child care. The dad pays off and on to keep out of trouble.
Mom did pay regularly until 6 months ago when she returned to her serious drug habit of Meth. Here is my question: I've heard that it's almost impossible to get permanent custody or adopt your grandchildren in Oklahoma. What are our options to provide our grandchildren with a stable home and keep them where they are? The special needs child has made a 100% turn around since he's lived with us. At one point the doctors even thought he was autistic. Any advice appreciated.
 


BL

Senior Member
As long as you retain Guardianship and state aid , you should be fine .

Just keep a log of everything going on with the Parents that a Court would look at IF either Parent files to revoke the Guardianship Order .

The Court will look out for the Child's best interest .

If the Father has straightened up , and he can prove contact with the children , it is unlikely you would get Custody . Same for mom If she sees the light .
 
A

absconder

Guest
Sounds like your going to have them till hell freezes over, I dont see a problem. Your worrying about what ifs. If the parents do staighten up wouldnt you be happy to see that? If not Id wonder what your true motives are.
 

nannyjp

Junior Member
Thanks for the information and advice. However, Are you familiar with Oklahoma law concerning family law? Just wondering because every state is somewhat different.

I do want my grandchildren to have responsible parents and my motives are very pure. I want what's best for them, and thats with their own parent or parents if the environment is safe. If that can't happen, their self-esteem will forever be damaged. It hurts me deeply to know that someday they will wonder why they live with nanny and that rejection will be an emotion they feel at a deep level. I intend to seek counseling to understand the details about this issue of self-esteem.


I have many "what ifs", but I've heard a zillion horror stories of grandchildren taken back by parents after a long period of time only to end up in horrible situations. The 4 year old has very special needs, and the 3 year old has life-threatening medical needs as well. The mom and I get along fine. She comes to my home and is welcomed because seeing their mother is what is best for my grandchildren. She has no parent that she can depend on so very often she asks me for help. I've helped her on many occasions when she needed to borrow a little money before and after the guardianship. I know in the long run the kids will be proud that I treated their mother the best I could. I want them to feel that their loved by their parents. The mom's dad sees them on occasion and we support that. Kids need to feel like they can love everyone in their family and not be degraded for it.

I raised six children of my own. My husband and I were only children so we wanted a big family. I've never regretted our decision, but I don't want to raise two more if I don't have to do it. But, I love them dearly, and I want to know that when I leave this Earth I tried to do right by people.

Once again, thanks for the input.
 

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