clueless in ny

What is the name of your state?ny i have an ex that i was with for over two years i found out i was pregnant and he left i have had very little contact with him during my pregnancy and he was not there during the delivery and his name is not on the birth certificate as the father.he has never finacially/emotional supported his son in the last 18 months of my son's life.he has never seen him and i never took him to court for anything because i was happy with the fact that he was not involved. my problem is now im engaged to a wonderful man who has taken care of my son since he was two months old. My fiance wants to adopt him but how do i go about doing this? Do i have to contact the birth father if paternity was never established?

....Yep....

so any idea on how to go about it? We don't have a lot of money and i'm not sure where the bio father is.

does anybody know how to go about tpr and and adoption in ny I don't have a lot of money to waste and i need some sort of direction

A fiance cannot adopt.

Once he IS a spouse, most states require a one to two year marriage before a step adoption can occur.

An adoption really shouldn't be a DIY project. Especially since you don't know where the biofather is. I'd advise waiting until you DO have the money saved and then use an adoption attorney to do it properly.

ok so if my ex's name is not on the birth certificate i have to establish paternity correct? now being that my ex has never seen him(my son) in the almost last 2 years will that mess up my claim of abandonment since we are probably going to have to establish paternity? anyone with experience in ny please help i just want a general idea of what will happen...

barbieblue said:

ok so if my ex's name is not on the birth certificate i have to establish paternity correct? now being that my ex has never seen him(my son) in the almost last 2 years will that mess up my claim of abandonment since we are probably going to have to establish paternity? anyone with experience in ny please help i just want a general idea of what will happen...

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It's a catch-22. You have to establish paternity before you terminate his rights, since it is possible they are not his rights to begin with. And once paternity is established, he could file for visitation or be ordered to pay support, either of which will throw your abandonement issue out the window.

thank you for your help i now have an idea of what could/or will happen thanks again.

barbieblue said:

ok so if my ex's name is not on the birth certificate i have to establish paternity correct? now being that my ex has never seen him(my son) in the almost last 2 years will that mess up my claim of abandonment since we are probably going to have to establish paternity? anyone with experience in ny please help i just want a general idea of what will happen...

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Actually...you don't necessarily have to establish paternity in order for your husband to be able to adopt. I know that a lot of people believe that is necessary (or at least say so) but after a certain amount of years it really isn't necessary if no father was ever listed on the birth certificate.

Get married, save your money, and after you have been married for a couple of years go get a consult with an adoption attorney. As long as you leave the bio-dad alone its likely that he is going to leave you alone as well.

Nope

Your baby, for all legal purposes, is illegitamate and fatherless. Therefore, you do not need to do anything except start the adoption process.

A link to NY adoption consent laws:

http://public.leginfo.state.ny.us/menugetf.cgi?COMMONQUERY=LAWS

babygirlivy said:

Your baby, for all legal purposes, is illegitamate and fatherless. Therefore, you do not need to do anything except start the adoption process.

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WRONG! She has to get married, and, in most states, be married at least a year.

I adopted my husbands daughter...we consulted a lawyer and had just been married. He told us to come back in one year. We did. The bio mother was no where to be found. We ran an article in the newspaper costing around $500. Then a couple more court dates and it was final. My daughter is now 7 and I still don't know if the bio mother even knows I adopted her. Abandonment was declared after one year of no visits, gifts, or cards were sent. No contact. Good Luck...Get Married then pursue.