Custody battle-maternal aunt vs. paternal grandparents and child's parents

What is the name of your state?NY
I have a question. My step-son and his wife have a screwed up marriage at best. His wife has 3 children with other men(before they got married). they constantly fight and the DSS decided that their son would be better off outside of their home until they can get anger management classes, hold jobs, and drug and alcohol counseling. My step-sons aunt(his mother's sister) was given temporary custody of the baby.- My step-sons mother passed away about 9 years ago. At the time his aunt was bringing the baby over quite a bit. So (stupidly) we didn't push the issue of getting temporary custody or anything like that. Our understanding was that the courts would allow our grandson to go back with his parents when they completed all of the stipulations placed by the court. Unfortunately my step-sons aunt has hindered bith his and his wifes visitation with their son. Her husband is constantly insulting them and refuses to allow them to speak with the aunt on the phone regarding the baby. The uncle was not given temporary custody ONLY the aunt. Now with the problem. My husband received a phone call from his son today. His aunt has called an attorney and has decided to file for custody of their baby and have their parental rights terminated. He and his wife both know that they are not yet prepared to take care of the baby(they are both young-under 23 and very immature). My step-son and his wife have asked his father and I to go to court and request custody of our grandson. He knows that if we have custody then he and his wife will be able to see their son. Unfortunately his aunt wants to alienate them from his life. My question is, will the courts look unfavorably on us because we haven't to this point filed for any "formal" visitation or custody of our grandson? Our understanding was that this would be a temporary situation. It really saddens me that his aunt would try to do away with all contact for the baby and his parents. My husband and I are financially able to take on another child. We also feel that we are prepared emotionally. The aunt is hell-bent on not allowing the baby any contact with his parents. We on the other hand feel that he should be allowed to see his parents. His parents are not allowed to go to the aunts house to visit their son. If we were to be awarded custody of the baby his parents would be able to come and visit him as often as they like. We firmly beieive that they should be a big part of his life. Does anyone have any idea or feeling on whether the court would give us custody as opposed to the aunt? The baby has been at their house for approximately 1 year. Any help or ideas, feelings, etc. on this would be greatly appreciated. We just want to see the best happen for our grandson.
Thanks,
bccka

Baby's age

I am sorry, I forgot to mention that the baby is 16 months old. So he hasn't been there quite a year. About 8 or 9 months.

bccka said:

I am sorry, I forgot to mention that the baby is 16 months old. So he hasn't been there quite a year. About 8 or 9 months.

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You most sincerely need to get a consult with an attorney in the area.

This is hard to say because I'm a grandmother with custody of our grandson, but you did say you want what's best for the little boy. Isn't it likely what is best for him is to remain with the aunt? He's spent more than half his life there so far. He's probably bonded with them. If you got custody would your ultimate goal be for his father to get custody eventually? I don't think that's a good idea. You said the father & mother are fighting, into drugs, etc but you kind of excused it as them being young. They're almost 23! If they're not responsible now, what is going to make them get responsible?
This child is not a puppy that can be placed in temporary homes while the owner gets their act together.
If I was you I'd be sucking up to the aunt and requesting visitation. That would be very valuable to the child to maintain a relationship with his grandpa if you already have one.

in response

Hello,
Thank you for the responses. My husband and I have consulted with an attorney and have also spoken with our grandson's law guardian. She is not pleased at all with the situation at the great aunt's house and is recommending removal of the baby. She is extremely upset that he has been alienated from all of his family members. The goal of temporary custody was so that his father and mother could get their acts together. They have both completed the required rehab programs, receive ongoing counseling and have both obtained steady employment. They may never be able to care for their son on a full-time basis, but I don't feel that they should be completely alienated from them for the rest of his life.
As far as begging for visitation and sucking up to the aunt those are ideas that I find to be extremely immature. The great aunt has in the past accused one of her sister's of neglect. She hired a better attorney (in NY that makes a big difference) and took custody away from her sister. At the time her sister's daughter received $750 in SSI benefits because her father has passed away. She only received this money until she was 18. At the custody hearing for that she insisted that the money be directly deposited into her own checking account. When her niece turned 18 she received one more check. After that check was spent the aunt's husband started a big fight with the girl and told her to get the hell out. Her niece has even given a deposition to the court telling all about the living conditions at the house. With herit is all about the money. I know, I am going to hear about how she has to take care of him and deserves it-BUT, she doesn't. He is with a sitter from the time he gets out of bed until the time he goes to bed at night. If the great aunt is home she sends the baby off with her daughter because she is much to tired to deal with him.
I guess if you knew them you would understand. They have eve argued that although they want to have the parental rights terminated they insist that they are entitled to receive child support and money from the state. Even their attorney has tried to explain to them that terminating parental rights no longer entitles you to money from either the parent's or the state.
This is a very difficult situation. I realize that GRANDMAOH was trying to be helpful but her comments about sucking up and children not being puppies were not really necessary. When someone is supposed to be a mature adult and is trying to do what is best for a child they don't insist that never letting them see their parents again is best. Our grandsons parents have had a thorough investigation done by CPS. All accusations brought against them by the aunt have been unfounded. CPS and the courts have granted my step-son and his wife unsupervised weekend visitation. The great aunt has refused to honor the court order-twice leaving the state with the baby(another violation). So there is I am sure a bond between her and our grandson. It is that way because she created it. He barely knows his parents or anyone else in the family. He has a brother that he has never nmet and if the great aunt has her way will never meet.
Children are not puppies and not toys to be played with and passed around. Right now our grandson is being used as a pawn in a sick game that his gret aunt has made up. She has both of his parents in an emotional whirlwind. Nobody knows which way is up. She has unfortunately for herpissed off both our grandson's law guardian and Protective services. They are both arguing in court for the removal of the baby from the aunt's home. So if that doesn't tell you something about the living situation nothing will. I would like to thank the person who didn't know what to say or any of the answers. They suggested that we contact an attorney in our state. Constructive answers are what I was looking for.
Thanks so much.

the aunt-the wicked witch of new york

just because the aunt has custody DOES NOT give her supreme power over the parents rights. if they have visitaion rights which the aunt wont honor, they need to file contempt charges asap. sounds like that child doesnt need to be in that home with that vindictive witch( iwish i could say something else, but ill keep my opinions to myself).

bccka said:

Hello,
Thank you for the responses. My husband and I have consulted with an attorney and have also spoken with our grandson's law guardian. She is not pleased at all with the situation at the great aunt's house and is recommending removal of the baby. She is extremely upset that he has been alienated from all of his family members. The goal of temporary custody was so that his father and mother could get their acts together. They have both completed the required rehab programs, receive ongoing counseling and have both obtained steady employment. They may never be able to care for their son on a full-time basis, but I don't feel that they should be completely alienated from them for the rest of his life.
As far as begging for visitation and sucking up to the aunt those are ideas that I find to be extremely immature. The great aunt has in the past accused one of her sister's of neglect. She hired a better attorney (in NY that makes a big difference) and took custody away from her sister. At the time her sister's daughter received $750 in SSI benefits because her father has passed away. She only received this money until she was 18. At the custody hearing for that she insisted that the money be directly deposited into her own checking account. When her niece turned 18 she received one more check. After that check was spent the aunt's husband started a big fight with the girl and told her to get the hell out. Her niece has even given a deposition to the court telling all about the living conditions at the house. With herit is all about the money. I know, I am going to hear about how she has to take care of him and deserves it-BUT, she doesn't. He is with a sitter from the time he gets out of bed until the time he goes to bed at night. If the great aunt is home she sends the baby off with her daughter because she is much to tired to deal with him.
I guess if you knew them you would understand. They have eve argued that although they want to have the parental rights terminated they insist that they are entitled to receive child support and money from the state. Even their attorney has tried to explain to them that terminating parental rights no longer entitles you to money from either the parent's or the state.
This is a very difficult situation. I realize that GRANDMAOH was trying to be helpful but her comments about sucking up and children not being puppies were not really necessary. When someone is supposed to be a mature adult and is trying to do what is best for a child they don't insist that never letting them see their parents again is best. Our grandsons parents have had a thorough investigation done by CPS. All accusations brought against them by the aunt have been unfounded. CPS and the courts have granted my step-son and his wife unsupervised weekend visitation. The great aunt has refused to honor the court order-twice leaving the state with the baby(another violation). So there is I am sure a bond between her and our grandson. It is that way because she created it. He barely knows his parents or anyone else in the family. He has a brother that he has never nmet and if the great aunt has her way will never meet.
Children are not puppies and not toys to be played with and passed around. Right now our grandson is being used as a pawn in a sick game that his gret aunt has made up. She has both of his parents in an emotional whirlwind. Nobody knows which way is up. She has unfortunately for herpissed off both our grandson's law guardian and Protective services. They are both arguing in court for the removal of the baby from the aunt's home. So if that doesn't tell you something about the living situation nothing will. I would like to thank the person who didn't know what to say or any of the answers. They suggested that we contact an attorney in our state. Constructive answers are what I was looking for.
Thanks so much.

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Your story changed a good bit from the first post. Too bad you didn't try for custody when your stepson & his wife lost custody originally. As for maturity level, if you think fighting in court is a mature way to handle this instead of working together for the best interest of the child, then I pity this child.