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Spousal Support

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yeash

Junior Member
undefined What is the name of your state? Maryland

My husband and I have divorced after 25 yrs. The children are grown. I was not very knowledgable when I went to court and had a horrible experience with my lawyer. He did not even mention spousal support or alimony to me. Am I entitled to such a thing or do there have to be children involved. Can I go back to the courts and ask for it now or is it too late. I am living on a limited income and have had to take miminum paying jobs.
 


VeronicaGia

Senior Member
Do your divorce papers mention anything about the subject? How long have you been divorced? Do you think he should pay for you for the rest of his life? Do you think you should pay for him for the rest of his life?
 

BethM

Member
Do you think he should pay for you for the rest of his life? Do you think you should pay for him for the rest of his life?
If she thinks she deserves alimony it would appear that she feels he should "pay" her something. She invested 25 years in the marriage, probably raised his children and made her marriage, home and family a priority. Why the hell shouldn't he pay her something for ever how long?

On the other hand, she could have been just a witch to live with, screwed around constantly, left him and got herself a new life and doesn't deserve a thing from him.

Nobody knows what should happen in her situation or whether it is possible until more questions are asked and answered. She is less likely to come back here and answer the questions and give more info if the initial response she gets from someone is some snide remark like "do you think he should pay you for the rest of his life?"

You may not believe in alimony under any condition BUT that is not to say that just because you don't like the idea that it isn't warranted in some cases. Why not wait to hear the rest of the story before shoving your beliefs down someone's throat and trying to intimidate and belittle someone who only came here asking for advice...not an opinion, but advice.
 

BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
Your divorce is old news. A done deal. Finito.

In other words, you have no standing any longer for anything except to get a job.
 

VeronicaGia

Senior Member
BethM said:
If she thinks she deserves alimony it would appear that she feels he should "pay" her something. She invested 25 years in the marriage, probably raised his children and made her marriage, home and family a priority. Why the hell shouldn't he pay her something for ever how long?

On the other hand, she could have been just a witch to live with, screwed around constantly, left him and got herself a new life and doesn't deserve a thing from him.

Nobody knows what should happen in her situation or whether it is possible until more questions are asked and answered. She is less likely to come back here and answer the questions and give more info if the initial response she gets from someone is some snide remark like "do you think he should pay you for the rest of his life?"

You may not believe in alimony under any condition BUT that is not to say that just because you don't like the idea that it isn't warranted in some cases. Why not wait to hear the rest of the story before shoving your beliefs down someone's throat and trying to intimidate and belittle someone who only came here asking for advice...not an opinion, but advice.
He also invested 25 years and likely paid for everything. So she got a free financial ride for the last 25 years...should she have a free ride for the rest of her life?

If she doesn't come back, I will presume she either got her answer elsewhere or doesn't really need the answer.

I didn't "shove my beliefs" down anyone's throat, I simply asked some questions. Why don't you stop feeling sorry for grown adults who are responsible for their own lives? Her ignorance of the law is no excuse for not getting good representation. Maybe asking her these questions will help her realize that she's asking to be dependent upon someone else for a long time, and at some point, that other person may die or have an accident. Then where will she be? Right back where she is now. She needs to get a job and take care of herself and learn to be come an independent, adult woman.
 

yeash

Junior Member
Thank you for making me feel totally ashamed, worthless and stupid...and I thought only my ex was capable of making me feel that way. I am so sorry I came to this site. I didn't need you to make me feel any less of myself than I already do. I thought I might be able to find some legitimate help. Just for your information I was a teacher for 28 years and gave everything to this family. I never slept around or once put myself before my family. I retired from teaching with a disability and my ex helped me make that decision or at least I thought we were making it together. It was after I retired that he told me he didn't love me anymore and I was a nag...had I known he was running around on me and was going to just kick me out on the curb for his girlfriend I'm not so sure I would have retired. I can no longer go back to teaching or I will loose what little disability I do receive. I have had to go back to school and yes I do have a job and take care of myself but at 57 it is very difficult to start at the bottom nor do I feel I should have to. I did have legal representation. I trusted my lawyer....after all he is the professional or was supposed to be. In the final analysis he is the kind of lawyer that gives the law profession a bad name. I can only hope that someday you can look a little kinder on those less fortunate than youself. Thank you for taking what little respect I did have for myself.
 

nextwife

Senior Member
Hon, by age 57 aren't you old enough to stop trying to make everyone else responsible for your life, your situation AND now, how YOU feel about YOURSELF? Only YOU can give another "permission" to make you feel bad about yourself. I'm 50, and I'd sure never give a stranger that much control over my own self-esteem.

Legally, the divorce is history. Finito. Just like our pasts, we cannot go back and get a redo. Do the best from here forward with what you've been dealt. That is the ONLY option you have.
 
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LdiJ

Senior Member
yeash said:
Thank you for making me feel totally ashamed, worthless and stupid...and I thought only my ex was capable of making me feel that way. I am so sorry I came to this site. I didn't need you to make me feel any less of myself than I already do. I thought I might be able to find some legitimate help. Just for your information I was a teacher for 28 years and gave everything to this family. I never slept around or once put myself before my family. I retired from teaching with a disability and my ex helped me make that decision or at least I thought we were making it together. It was after I retired that he told me he didn't love me anymore and I was a nag...had I known he was running around on me and was going to just kick me out on the curb for his girlfriend I'm not so sure I would have retired. I can no longer go back to teaching or I will loose what little disability I do receive. I have had to go back to school and yes I do have a job and take care of myself but at 57 it is very difficult to start at the bottom nor do I feel I should have to. I did have legal representation. I trusted my lawyer....after all he is the professional or was supposed to be. In the final analysis he is the kind of lawyer that gives the law profession a bad name. I can only hope that someday you can look a little kinder on those less fortunate than youself. Thank you for taking what little respect I did have for myself.
I am sorry for your situation. How long ago was your divorce final? I truly do understand how difficult it is to start over at your age.

Most likely there isn't anything that you can do at this point if your divorce is a done deal. However, you certainly could get a consult with an attorney in your area (many give free or low cost initial consults) just to make certain.

There are a lot of people here who have no real understanding of what it takes for older people to re-enter the workforce....particularly in any meaningful way. It may be that you are on your own at this point....but again, I would urge you to consult with a local attorney to be certain.
 

dallas702

Senior Member
First; your lawyer was an idiot. You should camp out on his doorstep with a sign asking him to pay for his mistake. Yeah, Breezy...that's just a joke. Although, it is not unheard of for attorneys to be sued for totally botching cases. This should have been a slam dunk. 25 years as a working mother is worth a helluva lot more than a slamming door.

But, you are an educated woman. If you can earn a degree once, you can do it again. Go to your state's statutes and see what they say. Final decrees have been challenged successfully when certain legal obligations of the court or court officers (attorneys) have not been met. Your case may not meet that burden, but I can remember one case from FL where the wife came back 10 years later after finding that the hubby had hidden extensive assets....and she was awarded a completely new division. It was worth tens of millions of dollars to her. Fuzzy, but I believe it was around 1990. I am surprised that you didn't know you could receive spousal support.

If there is not a women's legal support group in MD that will help you with this, I would be even more surprised.
 
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BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
dallas702 said:
First; your lawyer was an idiot. You should camp out on his doorstep with a sign asking him to pay for his mistake. Yeah, Breezy...that's just a joke. Although, it is not unheard of for attorneys to be sued for totally botching cases. This should have been a slam dunk. 25 years as a working mother is worth a helluva lot more than a slamming door.
And how much does her husband earn? Is he on disability, a fixed pension, welfare? Such an informed opinion as you just gave this poster must be made based on facts no one else has?
dallas702 said:
But, you are an educated woman. If you can earn a degree once, you can do it again. Go to your state's statutes and see what they say. Final decrees have been challenged successfully when certain legal obligations of the court or court officers (attorneys) have not been met. Your case may not meet that burden, but I can remember one case from FL where the wife came back 10 years later after finding that the hubby had hidden extensive assets....and she was awarded a completely new division. It was worth tens of millions of dollars to her. Fuzzy, but I believe it was around 1990. I am surprised that you didn't know you could receive spousal support.
This case was heard in Maryland. Florida law has nothing to do with it.
 

dallas702

Senior Member
I know that both incomes are considered. I think "Yeash" can let us know the ratio if she wants to. But, even if the request would be denied, it doesn't hurt to ask when filing. I've seen some pretty unbelievable awards going both ways.

I also know that MD law is going to different from FL law. But, a case in one state is often used to change laws in others. I know it can be done in CA because my mother was going through the process before she died, but the reasons are very limited. All I am suggesting is that she do the research and get some assistance in MD. One or two phone calls might tell her a lot.
 

nextwife

Senior Member
If she is only 58 and had already retired after teaching 28 years, she cannot have even been out of the workforce for very long. That may be one reason alimony was not explored. And of course we have no idea if he even made more than her.
 

BelizeBreeze

Senior Member
Let's put a quick end to any faint hope this post may have.

In Maryland, you can ask for two types of divorce: absolute and limited.

When the court orders an absolute divorce, it means that the divorce is permanent, permits remarriage, and terminates property claims.

When the court orders a limited divorce, it means that the divorce is not permanent. You are not permitted to remarry. It does not terminate property claims although the limited divorce may settle these claims. A limited divorce makes temporary decisions about custody, child support, alimony, use and possession of property. It also documents the date of your separation. Some people call this legal separation. A limited divorce is a legal action where a couple’s separation is supervised by the court. It is generally designated for individuals who do not have grounds for absolute divorce, need financial relief and are unable to settle their differences privately.

Also, in Maryland, by statute, a final divorce is NOT appealable. A limited divorce is.
 
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