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sad in montana

Junior Member
undefinedWhat is the name of your state?Montana
My husband and I are caring for our 17 month old grandson. this has benn an-on-and-off thing, whenever our daughhter,age 17 can't or won't care for him. she runs with a drug crowd, and takes him for a 'while' every few days. Problem: he comes back a different child, from angellic to abrasive. He calls me mommie, has for a long time. The three of us signed a personal agreement that she would not take him from our home until she could care for him properly. reports of concern have been made by his pediatrician to DFS, no results. our fear is when she takes him with her, the exposures and dangers ( no carseat, presence of drugs,etc.) What can we do? I understand it is not abandonment if she isn't gone at least 6 months, or tells people she wants him back. We are afraid for our grandson because of the lifestle of the mom, couch tocouch, job, no jonb, etc. I am considering petitioning for temp guardianship, but i don't know if i have a good case. child's dAd abused daughter, left to jersey, won't contact son. what can we do? Our daughter was banned from the apartment complex we live in due to her abrasive behavior, and i do not feel safe around her. Hubby and I are in counceling for this issue. Thanks for any suggestions. Granny at age 34.
 


I AM ALWAYS LIABLE

Senior Member
sad in montana said:
undefinedWhat is the name of your state?Montana
My husband and I are caring for our 17 month old grandson. this has benn an-on-and-off thing, whenever our daughhter,age 17 can't or won't care for him. she runs with a drug crowd, and takes him for a 'while' every few days. Problem: he comes back a different child, from angellic to abrasive. He calls me mommie, has for a long time. The three of us signed a personal agreement that she would not take him from our home until she could care for him properly. reports of concern have been made by his pediatrician to DFS, no results. our fear is when she takes him with her, the exposures and dangers ( no carseat, presence of drugs,etc.) What can we do? I understand it is not abandonment if she isn't gone at least 6 months, or tells people she wants him back. We are afraid for our grandson because of the lifestle of the mom, couch tocouch, job, no jonb, etc. I am considering petitioning for temp guardianship, but i don't know if i have a good case. child's dAd abused daughter, left to jersey, won't contact son. what can we do? Our daughter was banned from the apartment complex we live in due to her abrasive behavior, and i do not feel safe around her. Hubby and I are in counceling for this issue. Thanks for any suggestions. Granny at age 34.


My response:

Do you see how lousy parenting gets passed down from one generation to the next? You were 17 when you gave birth, and undoubtedly UNMARRIED, and now your daughter has done the same thing - - this time with drugs in the mix.

Way to go. You did a real good job, Mom!

IAAL
 

sad in montana

Junior Member
montana

to i am always liable...i suppose you have noo ther outlet for some dissapointment in yor own life....i will not take that guilt, thank you. I was married, and everyone chooses their own path in life. i did a good job, my daughter has made poor choices. Have a nice day.
 
Isn't it always easiest to blame the parents? You can raise kids in a good home and if they choose the wrong path blame the parents. You have to remember 17 years ago it was not as taboo to get married at 17. My parent's raised 3 children. My older brother and I both were straight A students. My parents worked hard to send us to private schools our whole lives. We never smoked, drank or did drugs. Never got into any trouble. Were virgins when we married and recieved degrees. My parents were the best parents you could ever ask for. Raised us in a loving christian home. My younger brother choose the path of drugs and criminal behavior. My parents have custody of his youngest daughter and have tried my brothers whole life to raise him in a good home. They were the ones when he broke the law to report him. They put him in drug rehab. They tried EVERYTHING to help him. They finally had to let him learn from his mistakes. Now when they should be enjoying an empty house with no kids they are raising his child. He took off about 8 months ago and noone has heard from him since. The point is sometimes even the best of parents have a child who chooses the wrong lifestyle. They had to put up with ignorant people asking what they did wrong. Why they let him turn out this way. They didn't. He picked his path. Maybe the same applies here. No one will blame these parents more than they probably blame themselves even if they were wonderful parents. I am sure like my parents on a daily basis they ask themselves what they could have done better. To the poster if I were you I would petition the courts. My parents did so before my brother even took off and due to the fact they could prove that the child was in their care for the most part, they won. For your grandchild it is worth the effort. Good luck

P.S. The mother of the child is in jail so she is not able to raise my niece either
 
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I AM ALWAYS LIABLE

Senior Member
sad in montana said:
montana

to i am always liable...i suppose you have noo ther outlet for some dissapointment in yor own life....i will not take that guilt, thank you. I was married, and everyone chooses their own path in life. i did a good job, my daughter has made poor choices. Have a nice day.

My response:

Okay, have it your way. You were a terrific mother, giving your daughter all the right tools with which to make socially acceptable choices. Yeah, right.

If she's already making such poor, life-changing choices in life at only age 17, then the fact is you didn't do such a hot job with your parenting skills.

Take some of the blame - - if not all of the blame, and stop acting like the trailer trash that you are, because only trailer trash blame other people, including their own 17 year old children, for the things they did wrong.

How sad you are, lady.

IAAL
 
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You know what Iaal? You might be right. Way to often the way parent's raised the child determines how that child turns out BUT sometimes that is not the case. Sometimes even when raised with the right tools to live a socially acceptable life children choose the wrong path. How do you know that is not the case here? Yes 9 times out of 10 that is the case but we can't assume it is ALWAYS the case. I am sure you have seen it often enough in your line of work. I also know what kind of parent's mine were and how much it hurt them when people such as yourself assumed they were bad parents which simply was not the case. Maybe just maybe that is the same for this poster. So why not put your knowledge to good use and give her legal advice? She might not even live in a trailer. I know my parents never did.
 

I AM ALWAYS LIABLE

Senior Member
beenthere30 said:
You know what Iaal? You might be right. Way to often the way parent's raised the child determines how that child turns out BUT sometimes that is not the case. Sometimes even when raised with the right tools to live a socially acceptable life children choose the wrong path. How do you know that is not the case here? Yes 9 times out of 10 that is the case but we can't assume it is ALWAYS the case. I am sure you have seen it often enough in your line of work. I also know what kind of parent's mine were and how much it hurt them when people such as yourself assumed they were bad parents which simply was not the case. Maybe just maybe that is the same for this poster. So why not put your knowledge to good use and give her legal advice? She might not even live in a trailer. I know my parents never did.

My response:

Oh, please. You're way too optimistic and liberal for my taste. The writer said she was 17 years old when she had her daughter, and then, in her response to me, she had the audacity to LIE by saying she was married when she had her daughter. Boloney!!

The sad fact is, our writer is a lousy mother, and she passed her character traits down to her druggie, unmarried, skank of a daughter. This is exactly what happens when you live in a trailer all your life.

IAAL
 
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How do you know she lied? My mother was 17 when she married my father who was in the army at the time. He worked his way up the ranks and my mother went to school full time during which they raised us children. Never once did they live in a trailer and they worked hard to raise us in good homes. Providing better education for us than most parents who were older than themselves. They didn't use their young age as an excuse to not provide for us and raise us with morals and good character. Also I am the least liberal person you will probably ever see on this site.
 
Although I will agree that I am optimistic. :D I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt until proven wrong. If you are right and I am wrong I would have the good manners to admit such.
 

I AM ALWAYS LIABLE

Senior Member
beenthere30 said:
lol ok since I don't know you then you might be right. I am the least liberal person I know. Better?

My response:

I've been a contributor on this site for over 5 years. GET TO KNOW ME!!

I've also been "around the block" more times than I care to mention. However, let's look at the reality of this writer's situation. She lives in Wyoming. That should say it all. When was the last time you saw anything other than a trailer out in Wyoming - - especially for someone who's only 34 years old? Do you think our writer is a rocket scientist who can afford a big home and know social etiquette?

Please!!

She's a skank who reared a skank. They both probably have tattoos all over their bodies and, at least one of them has piercing on parts of their bodies that would make a normal person wince with pain!

This writer is merely experiencing what she did in her own life because her own parents never gave her the social skills that were necessary. Instead, she gave birth at 17 (and probably conceived at 16), and has now passed down those social mores down to her daughter. So, does the writer have a right to complain? I don't think so.

IAAL
 
I have read quite a few of your post. While I respect your legal knowledge and the fact that you use your own time to give free advice I also know that on a personal level I would not like to get to know such a bitter and hard-hearted person. I see that politically you are more liberal than myself based on some past comments. But I am more "liberal" in my compassion and optimism in human behavior. I am sure your line of work has caused you to become hard-hearted. I choose to not allow that to happen to me. Although I am sure if I had a legal question to ask for my own personal use that I would want you to be the one to answer as you know what you are talking about.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
I AM ALWAYS LIABLE said:
My response:

I've been a contributor on this site for over 5 years. GET TO KNOW ME!!

I've also been "around the block" more times than I care to mention. However, let's look at the reality of this writer's situation. She lives in Wyoming. That should say it all. When was the last time you saw anything other than a trailer out in Wyoming - - especially for someone who's only 34 years old? Do you think our writer is a rocket scientist who can afford a big home and know social etiquette?

Please!!

She's a skank who reared a skank. They both probably have tattoos all over their bodies and, at least one of them has piercing on parts of their bodies that would make a normal person wince with pain!

This writer is merely experiencing what she did in her own life because her own parents never gave her the social skills that were necessary. Instead, she gave birth at 17 (and probably conceived at 16), and has now passed down those social mores down to her daughter. So, does the writer have a right to complain? I don't think so.

IAAL
Despite the fact that I realize that this is a pointless exercize (and I tend to agree with you about this particular poster :eek: )...I also know really great people who ended up with an impossible child. I admire them if they stand their ground and don't "enable"...their kid's dysfunctions. I have no respect when they do.

However, you have a really bad habit of "labeling"....and I personally think that you, of all people, should know better.

Yeah...I have been participating on boards like these for a long time too....about 10 years at this point....and I get fed up too hearing the same crap over and over. However the bottom line is that once your kids get a certain age...no matter HOW well you have raised them, no matter what values you try to instill....its up to them....and being "in love"...is almost guaranteed to destroy any parental teachings....sigh.

You give the best advice around when you don't "label" the person....you give no advice at all when you do.
 
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I AM ALWAYS LIABLE

Senior Member
beenthere30 said:
I have read quite a few of your post. While I respect your legal knowledge and the fact that you use your own time to give free advice I also know that on a personal level I would not like to get to know such a bitter and hard-hearted person.

MY RESPONSE: I am jaded, cranky and cynical. I've seen it all, and I've heard it all in my 25 plus years of practice. There is nothing in the "human condition" I haven't seen. There is no "excuse" I haven't heard. Nothing surprises me except for people's continued acceptance of stupidity, and their comfort with that condition.



I see that politically you are more liberal than myself based on some past comments.

MY RESPONSE: I think you're confusing "conservatism" with "liberalism". If I was liberal, I would want all criminals to have a second chance, and I'd close down the prisons. Not on your life, baby! I don't believe in rehabilitation. It's a joke. It doesn't work, and has never worked - - except at the expense of law abiding citizens.




But I am more "liberal" in my compassion and optimism in human behavior.

MY RESPONSE: Good. The world needs tree-huggers.




I am sure your line of work has caused you to become hard-hearted.

MY RESPONSE: You bet it has. It takes a lot to "get one" past me, and I don't take the bull crap like I used to 25 years ago. The same crap from people gets really tiring - - especially when you want to mix emotion with the law. It just doesn't work.



I choose to not allow that to happen to me.

MY RESPONSE: Good for you. Help a homeless person, will you?




Although I am sure if I had a legal question to ask for my own personal use that I would want you to be the one to answer as you know what you are talking about.

MY RESPONSE: Thank you, and you're damn right! That's the first thing you've been right about all day. And, I'm right about our skank writer, too.


IAAL
 
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