Unmarried heterosexual adopt girlfriend's son

What is the name of your state? Pennsylvania

I am unmarried in a heterosexual relationship for several years. My girlfriend has a son whose father abandoned him and is willing to terminate his parental rights. I would like to adopt her son since I love him and already take care of him in every way possible. We found a lawyer who took a $1,000 retainer and said no problem it will be done in two months. He said he would get the appropriate paperwork out to the biological father within two weeks. However, it has been several months and nothing has happened. The lawyer rarely takes our calls or returns them. Finally we got through to him and he says now since we are not married and have no immediate plans to get married it may be difficult if not impossible to get accomplished but he will try. He wants to meet with us to sign more papers to proceed which is confusing to us and to get $2,000 more to complete the deal, but we are hestitant since we have not received anything or even a statement showing what our retainer went for thus far. We are also worried that in PA this may not get done since the state is more old school and looks favorably only to married couples. My question is this ... What are the chances in my state of getting a successful adoption in my specific case...unmarried man who wants to adopt girlfriend's son.... I might add that I own a home and we also have a daughter together. I am raising both children with my girlfriend (their mother) in my home. My girlfriend's son calls me dad and knows me as his dad so she wants him to have my name so there are no problems at school and so both children have the same last name. Please advise as to whether I need to wait until we decide to marry or if I will have a decent chance to adopt now and also...should I get another lawyer??? Thanks

How long have you been living together? It is possible in PA that you may have a common law marriage if you entered into it prior to 1-1-5. But if you don't intend on getting married, maybe it is best not to adopt. Why hasn't she enforced child support for the child?

We have been living together for about 4 yrs now. My girlfriend's ex who is the father of her son was in jail and no support was given. Now he is out and working and she is only getting $65 a week. He wants out of the support and is willing to give up his rights to the boy since he says he never wanted him. He really has not had any relationship with his son at all who is 6 yrs old now. I am the one with issues on marriage right now. Everyone (family) advised us it was probably best to wait but we are already having problems with school not letting me be on file as his father and with the child having a different name. He wants the same last name as his sister which is my last name because she is my daughter. That is why I want to adopt him now. I feel he is my real son. I am beginning to think that PA judges are more for married couples adopting which is why the lawyer is acting the way he is now. However, why didn't he just say so in the first place though? So do you think I have a 50/50 chance or is it less in PA and am I wasting my money trying and should wait until we decide to marry? Thanks

rmet4nzkx said:

How long have you been living together? It is possible in PA that you may have a common law marriage if you entered into it prior to 1-1-5. But if you don't intend on getting married, maybe it is best not to adopt. Why hasn't she enforced child support for the child?

Click to expand...

Common law marriage in PA is NOT a matter of the length of the relationship. This poster has no legal standing to adopt.

I think you're probably wasting your time. If you want to be the child's father, marry Mom and adopt. If you're not willing to commit to Mom, then the best thing you can do for the kid is not play like you are.

BelizeBreeze said:

Common law marriage in PA is NOT a matter of the length of the relationship. This poster has no legal standing to adopt.

Click to expand...

I understand that, but the requirements in PA were very easy to qualify for with only one party having to show intent to marry or representing themselves as married, that is if both were available for marriage at the time. It leaves much open to argument. That may have been the premis upon which the attorney accepted the retainer. So, if marriage is an issue for adoption, then it is possible that they may already qualify without having a formal marriage and the additional expense. It is also possible that if his relationship ends with the mom he is still going to be responsible for child support for his child and if the relationship were to end that mom might also claim a common law marriage existed and still require a divorce. Even though common law marriage was abolished in PA, they still recognize common law marriages that existed prior to 1-1-5. It is a possibility, that's all.

It appears that bio dad is just trying to get out of child support and if OP doesn't want to commit to marriage either common law or legal, then what is his commitment to this child? I'm sorry but a 6 yo child doesn't go around complaining that their last name is different that their younger sister, this is an adult concept that has been planted in this child. Registering the child at school is simple, the child is registered under their legal name, with what ever legal rights bio dad has, that doesn't mean that OP can't be authorized to participate in the child's school life a significant number of children are in school in similar situations.

Currently bio dad is paying $65 p/w with no arrears for his period of incarceration, this child was not abandoned, nor did mom seek to tpr at that time and is collecting child support currently. I suspect that is OP adopts this child and their relationship ends that there would be greater child support in the future or mom is encouraging the adoption in order to force a marriage. I think that these are issues that would be considered if an adoption were to take place.

rmet4nzkx...based on the info I gave you, thank you so much for your intelligent reply and objective advice concerning my case. There is much more involved here that I couldn't explain as it would take up too much, so I did my best to give you the jest of it and based on that, you gave me the best legal standpoint you could and it helped.

You are welcome, it was obvious that there is more to this picture, good luck.