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namechange and adopt

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dora523

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? New York

My fiance and I are to be married in October. He has been the "daddy" in my 2 1/2 year olds life for 10 months. She has had limited contact with her biological father in these past months~ she saw him twice while he was working, not even one on one time. He had stated his wishes to sign of paternity in January of 2005 and said he wanted my fiance to continue being her father because he wasn't ready. My fiance would love to be her one and only daddy! Now in April 2005 he is thinking of changing his mind and wants to see her. I think I have the visitation stuff under control because I have sole/exclusive custody. My question is, If he still has no contact up until our marriage how hard will it be for us to go forward with the adoption? Do we need his consent? He pays $25 a month child support which doesn't do much for us,but will that work in his favor? And we want to change my child's last name, to his if he adopts, but in the event he can't I still would prefer her to have my surname. Is this possible without her bio's consent? Thanks for any help!!!!!!
 


000

Member
I think I have the visitation stuff under control because I have sole/exclusive custody.
Just because you have sole custody does not mean that you can keep him from visiting with the child. Should you cut him off from visiting, you would be committing a crime. It is called Custodial Interference and is a felony in most states. You could and should go to jail for denying him visitation. Him not visiting must be his choice, not yours.

He pays $25 a month child support
Is this a court order for support or is this just an amount the two of you agreed to? As long as he is paying "reasonable" CS, he has not statuatorily abandoned the child and his parental rights cannot be forceable terminated. The CS amount sounds quite low, but if it is court ordered, then there is a reason for the amount. Him paying CS consistently proves to the court he has not abandonded the child. If you do not have a court order for support, you should get one ASAP.

And we want to change my child's last name
Even if you would want to change the child's last name (because in my opinion/experience an adoption will not occur in your instance), the father still needs to be notified and he can stop it.

Even if your husband wishes to adopt, you usually need to be married at least one year before filing. Bio dad cannot just "sign-off" on paternity. This can only be done in conjunction with an adoption.

Should you want to attempt this adoption next year, make sure you hire a good adoption attorney to do this for you. Should bio dad decide to fight it, it could get very expensive for you.
 

dora523

Junior Member
I think you misunderstood me when I said I had visitation and custody under control. Or perhaps I worded it wrong. I have sole custody and he has visitation, but does not use it. He simply thinks he may want to see her again, but he hasn't taken any steps, for example calling back to set it up or to go through the courts. THe support is a court order, since when I filed initially in Aug '04 he just lost his job one week prior to the hearing. Since then he has a job but since he wanted to sign over his rights, I didn't bother going back for the child support increase. Why do you suggest I should go to jail for not letting him visit? I haven't said no..He hasn't asked for anything yet, he just said "I might want to start seeing her." The judge said in order for him to give up his parental rights "somebody" had to be willing to "replace"him. At that point in the court he said he wanted to sign over to my fiance. THe judge said to have a lawyer construct the paper work. Since a lawyer was a little out of my reach at the time financially, he said that his father would foot the bill. That was the last I heard from anyone. Then 3 months later is when he stated his "possible" intrest in visiting again. Do you think that the ups and downs of bio dad wanting to be involved then not and then wanting to again will make any difference in the courts? Or do you suppose they will let him keep coming in and out of her life at his convenience? My concern is for the confusion it will create with my child!!
 
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