Court Order

pdport · May 23, 2005

What is the name of your state? VA

After spousal support issues were settled, my h lawyer requested that incriminating letters to the ow be removed from the court records and returned to him. The letters were not accepted by the judge as grounds for desertion. The judge said the letters could be removed if a court order was signed by both of us and the lawyers. Must I sigh the order? Could I agree to sign the order if he pays my attorney fees?

You should know the alimony I received was $1,000/month for 5 years and a term life insurance policy on him for 5 years with a death benefit of $60,000. This after a 33 year marriage in which I was a military wife.

Any advice would be most helpful. Thanks.

LdiJ · May 23, 2005

pdport said:
What is the name of your state? VA

After spousal support issues were settled, my h lawyer requested that incriminating letters to the ow be removed from the court records and returned to him. The letters were not accepted by the judge as grounds for desertion. The judge said the letters could be removed if a court order was signed by both of us and the lawyers. Must I sigh the order? Could I agree to sign the order if he pays my attorney fees?

You should know the alimony I received was $1,000/month for 5 years and a term life insurance policy on him for 5 years with a death benefit of $60,000. This after a 33 year marriage in which I was a military wife.

Any advice would be most helpful. Thanks.

Wow....after 33 years of marriage that doesn't sound particularly fair. Did you get a share of his pension as well? Did you ask the court to order him to pay your legal fees and did the court decline that request?

You aren't required to sign the order. You don't have to agree. However making it contingent on his paying your legal fees smacks of blackmail....and that could be terribly risky for you.

pdport · May 23, 2005

I did receive half of his military pension and investment assets in the property settlement. I also received one of two houses and the house I received is of greater value and is in excellent condition. He moved into the other property which has been a rental for 18+ years and it needed considerable work-new roof, siding, windows, carpeting, etc.

As for the legal fees, my attorney said that the judge would not rule for attorney fees in an agreed upon settlement.

I understand the blackmail thing, but what are my options? If I do not sign the order to turn over the letters, what could happen?

LdiJ · May 23, 2005

pdport said:
I did receive half of his military pension and investment assets in the property settlement. I also received one of two houses and the house I received is of greater value and is in excellent condition. He moved into the other property which has been a rental for 18+ years and it needed considerable work-new roof, siding, windows, carpeting, etc.

As for the legal fees, my attorney said that the judge would not rule for attorney fees in an agreed upon settlement.

I understand the blackmail thing, but what are my options? If I do not sign the order to turn over the letters, what could happen?

Ok...then it appears to me that you got a fair property settlement....and that financially you were actually treated fairly. I honestly do think that you should pay your own attorney fees......assuming that he didn't he didn't unnecessarily drag things out and make things cost more than they should.

If you don't sign...the documents won't be pulled from the record. That may mean diddly in the long term...however if he is still in the military then its possible that those records (public records...because a divorce is of public record) could harm his career...and therefore the pension that you are going to share.

pdport · May 23, 2005

LdiJ said:
Ok...then it appears to me that you got a fair property settlement....and that financially you were actually treated fairly. I honestly do think that you should pay your own attorney fees......assuming that he didn't he didn't unnecessarily drag things out and make things cost more than they should.

If you don't sign...the documents won't be pulled from the record. That may mean diddly in the long term...however if he is still in the military then its possible that those records (public records...because a divorce is of public record) could harm his career...and therefore the pension that you are going to share.

You might say he made things cost more than they should. Contempt of court charges were filed when he did not make the first three temporary support payments. He made the payments right before the equitable distribution hearing. We prepared for the equitable distribution hearing and he decided he wanted to settle outside the courtroom 45 minutes before going in front of the judge. He did the same thing when we went to court to decide spousal support. All of the money spent on the lawyer's time and effort to prepare for these hearings wouldn't have had to be billed.

He is retired from the military so the records referencing these letters won't hurt his career. At the hearing, the suggestion was made that the records be sealed, but he wanted the letters back. However, having them in the records makes this "secret" affair a reality since others can have access to them. In his mind, if the letters are returned to him, the "secret" can remain a secret. I feel the letters should stay as part of the record.

LdiJ · May 23, 2005

pdport said:
You might say he made things cost more than they should. Contempt of court charges were filed when he did not make the first three temporary support payments. He made the payments right before the equitable distribution hearing. We prepared for the equitable distribution hearing and he decided he wanted to settle outside the courtroom 45 minutes before going in front of the judge. He did the same thing when we went to court to decide spousal support. All of the money spent on the lawyer's time and effort to prepare for these hearings wouldn't have had to be billed.

He is retired from the military so the records referencing these letters won't hurt his career. At the hearing, the suggestion was made that the records be sealed, but he wanted the letters back. However, having them in the records makes this "secret" affair a reality since others can have access to them. In his mind, if the letters are returned to him, the "secret" can remain a secret. I feel the letters should stay as part of the record.

Then the answer is simple....don't sign.

pdport · May 23, 2005

LdiJ said:
Then the answer is simple....don't sign.

I don't want to have to go to court about this and that is my only concern.

As for the settlement, in your opinion, what makes it fair?

cyana24 · May 23, 2005

pdport said:
I did receive half of his military pension and investment assets in the property settlement. I also received one of two houses and the house I received is of greater value and is in excellent condition. He moved into the other property which has been a rental for 18+ years and it needed considerable work-new roof, siding, windows, carpeting, etc.

LdiJ said:
Ok...then it appears to me that you got a fair property settlement....and that financially you were actually treated fairly. I honestly do think that you should pay your own attorney fees......assuming that he didn't he didn't unnecessarily drag things out and make things cost more than they should.

pdport said:
As for the settlement, in your opinion, what makes it fair?

pdport - you're kidding, right? That's a very generous settement.

pdport · May 24, 2005

cyana24 said:
pdport - you're kidding, right? That's a very generous settement.

Never having been through this before, I am not certain if it is generous or not. When negotiating the settlement agreement, my h agreed to things too quickly and it makes me wonder if something is hidden. I think I "found" everything, but there have been people who thought something might be hidden. I guess I am looking for reassurance that the settlement was good. Thanks for doing that for me.

pdport · May 24, 2005

pdport said:
Never having been through this before, I am not certain if it is generous or not. When negotiating the settlement agreement, my h agreed to things too quickly and it makes me wonder if something is hidden. I think I "found" everything, but there have been people who thought something might be hidden. I guess I am looking for reassurance that the settlement was good. Thanks for doing that for me.

After thinking about these letters and talking to others about them, there is the thought that my h may want them removed because he doesn't want me to appeal the judge's earlier decision. He is worried about these letters and what might become of them. If/when I give my lawyer the OK, he will write a letter to my h lawyer stating that he has not been given the authority to endorse the order to release the letters. I still think I should not sign the order.

Court Order

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