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Fault or No-Fault?

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jamesnjo

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? WA

OK. Now that I'm thinking of doing our marriage dissolution without the help of a lawyer (definitely will seek legal aid counseling) my question is whether I should file 'fault' or 'no-fault'. I understand that if I can prove fault with my spouse (and I can: abandonment and adultery) that I can gain an advantage concerning custody issues. But I'm leaning heavily toward seeking joint custody, that is if I can determine beyond a reasonable doubt that my son is receiving good care when he is with is mother. Are there any other factors I should consider in deciding on one type of divorce over the other?

I suppose doing the 'fault' divorce could cause unnecessary friction while working out a parental agreement. But is their a good reason that I should want my wife's behavior noted in the official record?
 


LdiJ

Senior Member
jamesnjo said:
What is the name of your state? WA

OK. Now that I'm thinking of doing our marriage dissolution without the help of a lawyer (definitely will seek legal aid counseling) my question is whether I should file 'fault' or 'no-fault'. I understand that if I can prove fault with my spouse (and I can: abandonment and adultery) that I can gain an advantage concerning custody issues. But I'm leaning heavily toward seeking joint custody, that is if I can determine beyond a reasonable doubt that my son is receiving good care when he is with is mother. Are there any other factors I should consider in deciding on one type of divorce over the other?

I suppose doing the 'fault' divorce could cause unnecessary friction while working out a parental agreement. But is their a good reason that I should want my wife's behavior noted in the official record?
It isn't guaranteed that her adultery would give you any edge in matters of child custody. These days, most judges don't seriously take that into any kind of consideration.

Your children will be happy if you and their mother have an amicable co-parenting relationship. Don't make it any more hostile than it needs to be.
 

jamesnjo

Junior Member
LdiJ said:
It isn't guaranteed that her adultery would give you any edge in matters of child custody. These days, most judges don't seriously take that into any kind of consideration.

Your children will be happy if you and their mother have an amicable co-parenting relationship. Don't make it any more hostile than it needs to be.

Thank you. I can see the value of this advice.

But for argrument's sake let's say that I suspect that the new guy in her life is a thug, has guns and knives around, and that at the very least I suspect that he will be a bad influence on my son. If I file for a no-fault divorce will a judge, at a future time, consider that action to be condoning of the new guy's behavior in regard to my son?
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
jamesnjo said:
Thank you. I can see the value of this advice.

But for argrument's sake let's say that I suspect that the new guy in her life is a thug, has guns and knives around, and that at the very least I suspect that he will be a bad influence on my son. If I file for a no-fault divorce will a judge, at a future time, consider that action to be condoning of the new guy's behavior in regard to my son?
No, I don't see how filing a no-fault divorce could be viewed as "condoning" the possible future behavior of mom's boyfriend.
 

jamesnjo

Junior Member
LdiJ said:
No, I don't see how filing a no-fault divorce could be viewed as "condoning" the possible future behavior of mom's boyfriend.

OK. I think I've got it (no sarcasm intended). Her ambiguousness about the state of our marriage during and after her adultery and the suspect character of her boyfriend are all issues that have no relevance in the divorce proceedings, or in considering immediate or future custody issues?

Please understand that I'm not being obstinately argumentative. I just want to make sure I "don't go left when I should've gone right".
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
jamesnjo said:
OK. I think I've got it (no sarcasm intended). Her ambiguousness about the state of our marriage during and after her adultery and the suspect character of her boyfriend are all issues that have no relevance in the divorce proceedings, or in considering immediate or future custody issues?

Please understand that I'm not being obstinately argumentative. I just want to make sure I "don't go left when I should've gone right".
I think that her adultery would have little relevance in the divorce or in immediate or future custody issues.

I think that the character of her boyfriend and his potential future behavior could have significant relevance....if and when that character proves to be harmful to your son.

In other words, I think you are mixing two completely separate issues together. Adultery being one issue, and the character of her boyfriend being another. Even if she met this boyfriend AFTER your divorce, his potential future behavior could have significant relevance.
 
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fire1ss

Member
Not so fast

If you think it might be important later put it in writing now. If something has already happened to cause you to worry about your child's welfare while at mom's make note of it and present it now. If you do not you may be told later that since it wasn't a big deal now it's too late later. I had that happen to me. I was trying to be cooperative with the 1st exwife and half way through proceedings things got hostile. I was told that the situation had not changed and since I had accepted things earlier it was too late to complain about certain things that I had not brought up. Please be careful for your child's sake.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
fire1ss said:
If you think it might be important later put it in writing now. If something has already happened to cause you to worry about your child's welfare while at mom's make note of it and present it now. If you do not you may be told later that since it wasn't a big deal now it's too late later. I had that happen to me. I was trying to be cooperative with the 1st exwife and half way through proceedings things got hostile. I was told that the situation had not changed and since I had accepted things earlier it was too late to complain about certain things that I had not brought up. Please be careful for your child's sake.
He would look like a fool to address the boyfriend's character now. All he has is suspicions....and suspicions that may be clouded by his natural upset over the situation....and which the judge will automatically assume are clouded by his natural upset. He simply cannot raise the issue without some real evidence.
 

fire1ss

Member
Sorry I was assuming that he had evidence. My mistake. Just a very tough topic when the child's welfare is in question. My faux pa
 

jamesnjo

Junior Member
LdiJ said:
He would look like a fool to address the boyfriend's character now. All he has is suspicions....and suspicions that may be clouded by his natural upset over the situation....and which the judge will automatically assume are clouded by his natural upset. He simply cannot raise the issue without some real evidence.
Thank you all. I feel I've gotten an enhanced, balanced view of my situation and of what I have to do. I need to document only concrete instances where the behavior of my wife and her boyfriend is clearly of potential harm to my son, but I want to refrain from talking about things that could sound like wild, emotion driven speculation. So far about the only thing I am concerned enough about to tell the court is that this guy owns a gun and some Knives and that my mother in law has kicked him out of her house for weeks at a time, only to let him back in begrudgingly.

My next step is to seek advice from a legal aid counselor. I'll be sure to report back on what that entails. Thanks again.
 

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