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Getting Divorced after 20 years and Feel I'm Being Black Mailed

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NieveInNewYork

Junior Member
What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? NY

My Husband and i are getting Divorced after 20 years togeather, there is just no room for repair.

Heres the thing:
We have been married for 19 years in August, we have owned our House outright for 14 years, His mom took ownership of the home after his dad passed away, they were seperated since my husband was 4 years old, they never divorced ? Don't ask anyway we were married 5 years when my husbands mom transfered the home to my husband and I, sort-of, she never put my name on it just my spouse, to this day we will never understand the whys of it all, shes old school and at the time her other son went through a horrible divorce (and my spouse begged me to not make waves about it or she would change her mind)in any event we finally got off of our duffs and added my name to the deed by an attorney 1 week ago!

Long story short: we are now getting a divorce of our own, i caught my husband cheating with his old girlfriend from 20 YEARS AGO! although he claims nothing happened, this is beyond repair as there are many other reasons for this. Bottom line is he is useing his Union Attorney as it is free to him, and wants me to agree on using him as well, problem is although he is allowing me all the furniture i want, i bought 85% of it anyhow, he will not agree on ANYTHING!! above and beyond the house split, we have 3 children all teenagers, 14. 17 and 22 and insist after the splitting of the house that we should both consider leaving the state as we can not afford to live in ny on one income each, and wants to move within 60 miles of me, Thats NUTS!

Now heres my Qustion:
HE TELLS ME IF I DO NOT AGREE TO HIS TERMS INCLUDING SPLITTING ALL THE DEBTS, EVEN ONES THAT ARE NOT MINE, HE AND HIS UNION LAWYER WILL SEE TO IT THAT I GET NO PART OF THE HOUSE AS IT WAS A GIFT TRANSFER 14 YEARS AGO, HE STATED YOU SPLIT WHAT YOU BROUGHT INTO THE MARRIAGE TOGEATHER, POINT IS IT WAS'NT HIS EITHER!, I HAVE WORKED ALL MY LIFE THAT I HAVE BEEN WITH HIM AND PAID MY SHARE OF EVERYTHING WITH THIS HOUSE, CAN HE DO THIS TO ME AT THIS POINT, EVEN THOUGH HE SIGNED THE PAPERS ADDING MY NAME TO THE DEED AND Papers are on their way to be filled in the clerks office, he is trying to say the courts will go by the time line, divorce filed with in a couple of weeks after, we did this knowing we would probly break up anyway,

I would love a response on this , thank you in advance, I feel like this is a form of blackmail or something like it.its a shame it came to this.
 


LdiJ

Senior Member
NieveInNewYork said:
What is the name of your state?What is the name of your state? NY

My Husband and i are getting Divorced after 20 years togeather, there is just no room for repair.

Heres the thing:
We have been married for 19 years in August, we have owned our House outright for 14 years, His mom took ownership of the home after his dad passed away, they were seperated since my husband was 4 years old, they never divorced ? Don't ask anyway we were married 5 years when my husbands mom transfered the home to my husband and I, sort-of, she never put my name on it just my spouse, to this day we will never understand the whys of it all, shes old school and at the time her other son went through a horrible divorce (and my spouse begged me to not make waves about it or she would change her mind)in any event we finally got off of our duffs and added my name to the deed by an attorney 1 week ago!

Long story short: we are now getting a divorce of our own, i caught my husband cheating with his old girlfriend from 20 YEARS AGO! although he claims nothing happened, this is beyond repair as there are many other reasons for this. Bottom line is he is useing his Union Attorney as it is free to him, and wants me to agree on using him as well, problem is although he is allowing me all the furniture i want, i bought 85% of it anyhow, he will not agree on ANYTHING!! above and beyond the house split, we have 3 children all teenagers, 14. 17 and 22 and insist after the splitting of the house that we should both consider leaving the state as we can not afford to live in ny on one income each, and wants to move within 60 miles of me, Thats NUTS!

Now heres my Qustion:
HE TELLS ME IF I DO NOT AGREE TO HIS TERMS INCLUDING SPLITTING ALL THE DEBTS, EVEN ONES THAT ARE NOT MINE, HE AND HIS UNION LAWYER WILL SEE TO IT THAT I GET NO PART OF THE HOUSE AS IT WAS A GIFT TRANSFER 14 YEARS AGO, HE STATED YOU SPLIT WHAT YOU BROUGHT INTO THE MARRIAGE TOGEATHER, POINT IS IT WAS'NT HIS EITHER!, I HAVE WORKED ALL MY LIFE THAT I HAVE BEEN WITH HIM AND PAID MY SHARE OF EVERYTHING WITH THIS HOUSE, CAN HE DO THIS TO ME AT THIS POINT, EVEN THOUGH HE SIGNED THE PAPERS ADDING MY NAME TO THE DEED AND Papers are on their way to be filled in the clerks office, he is trying to say the courts will go by the time line, divorce filed with in a couple of weeks after, we did this knowing we would probly break up anyway,

I would love a response on this , thank you in advance, I feel like this is a form of blackmail or something like it.its a shame it came to this.
Hon, you really need your own attorney. If you don't get one he is going to continue to try to steamroller you. So hire yourself an attorney. Immediately.
 

NieveInNewYork

Junior Member
LdiJ said:
Hon, you really need your own attorney. If you don't get one he is going to continue to try to steamroller you. So hire yourself an attorney. Immediately.
Thank you for your advice and you are correct, i need to see an attorney my self right away i think, we were trying to save the money by sharing his Union Lawyer, But i got a real taste of it today when we had our meeting with him, First off we went in and my butt was not even in the chair when his lawyer stated Mrs. @^%$# please be advised that i am working for $$##not for you, I stated i was Bored and wanted a good laugh! he just gave me a dirty look hehehe anyway, they both know i am taking the papers he draws up to an attorney for a $300.00 consultation fee for advice of my own, I guess i just wanted some other opinions on my situation. I was told by my spouse that if i hire my own council because we cannot agree on everything he will see to it that i don't get half the house, The house is the issue right now because his mom transfered the house 14 years ago, as i stated i worked all of my life including paying the morgage/school taxes/property taxes and my name was put on the deed you name it i paid it as well, he says that does not matter ???

It's funny as we agreed on paper on certain things that his Lawyer UN-DID saying it's not in his best interest, which is really funny because i'm not getting Maintence, Not that i asked for it, I'm not getting a portion of his pension, hes not vested and i did not ask for it, he has a law suite pending, which i was asked to sign off on, matter of fact all i am getting is child support when he gets is lazy ass back off workers comp, :confused: All i want is my share of the house and to not be held liable for all his debt, he owes the IRS $56.000.00 which is being appealed, his debt not mine, but i filed joint so stupid, stupid me :rolleyes:

Anyway i was just wondering if anyone else ever went through a similar situation as im a little scared to push so hard that it will turn into a crap shoot, loosing EVERYTHING, meaning half the house, it's funny how you can spend 20 years with someone and all it takes is a divorce to show your true colors and he wants to move near me and be friends, wow i guess i dont need any enimies.

Thanks for your time. sorry for venting, made me feeel better though :)
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
NieveInNewYork said:
Thank you for your advice and you are correct, i need to see an attorney my self right away i think, we were trying to save the money by sharing his Union Lawyer, But i got a real taste of it today when we had our meeting with him, First off we went in and my butt was not even in the chair when his lawyer stated Mrs. @^%$# please be advised that i am working for $$##not for you, I stated i was Bored and wanted a good laugh! he just gave me a dirty look hehehe anyway, they both know i am taking the papers he draws up to an attorney for a $300.00 consultation fee for advice of my own, I guess i just wanted some other opinions on my situation. I was told by my spouse that if i hire my own council because we cannot agree on everything he will see to it that i don't get half the house, The house is the issue right now because his mom transfered the house 14 years ago, as i stated i worked all of my life including paying the morgage/school taxes/property taxes and my name was put on the deed you name it i paid it as well, he says that does not matter ???

It's funny as we agreed on paper on certain things that his Lawyer UN-DID saying it's not in his best interest, which is really funny because i'm not getting Maintence, Not that i asked for it, I'm not getting a portion of his pension, hes not vested and i did not ask for it, he has a law suite pending, which i was asked to sign off on, matter of fact all i am getting is child support when he gets is lazy ass back off workers comp, :confused: All i want is my share of the house and to not be held liable for all his debt, he owes the IRS $56.000.00 which is being appealed, his debt not mine, but i filed joint so stupid, stupid me :rolleyes:

Anyway i was just wondering if anyone else ever went through a similar situation as im a little scared to push so hard that it will turn into a crap shoot, loosing EVERYTHING, meaning half the house, it's funny how you can spend 20 years with someone and all it takes is a divorce to show your true colors and he wants to move near me and be friends, wow i guess i dont need any enimies.

Thanks for your time. sorry for venting, made me feeel better though :)
Ok...lets talk about this IRS debt (I am an accountant and a professional tax preparer).

When did he incur this tax debt? Did you file jointly with him for those years?
Why does the debt exist? Is it due to self employment taxes or for some other reason? You may be able to protect yourself from this debt outside of any divorce decree....or even in addition to the divorce decree.
 

NieveInNewYork

Junior Member
LdiJ said:
Ok...lets talk about this IRS debt (I am an accountant and a professional tax preparer).

When did he incur this tax debt? Did you file jointly with him for those years?
Why does the debt exist? Is it due to self employment taxes or for some other reason? You may be able to protect yourself from this debt outside of any divorce decree....or even in addition to the divorce decree.
This Tax Debt is like 16 years old from his Employment not mine, I had a baby at that time and was not even working and yes we did file joint, I guess i had no idea at the time that it would result in such a mess like this, mainly because my spouse chooses to ignore the important things in life.

he was a regular employee prior to the tax debt year then the co, wanted the drivers to be self employed it lasted 2 years and didnt work out, they got screwed so to speake, and went back on the clock, the real problem was he did not pay his quarterly taxes and ended up in a mess that he could not get out from under from, so...... now we went back and amended the 2 tax years and hope the IRS knocks off a sizeable amount of Interest and penaltys but he still wants me to split the difference at the end of it all, and i feel like i should not have to when he holds the house over my head the way he does, he's immature what can i say :rolleyes:

anyway what exactly is the innocent spouse all about, i was told by our accountant that it would not fly because i signed the return?

Thanks for any info.
 

djohnson

Senior Member
You can't have it both ways, if you want half the marital property, be prepared for half the debts too. You really do need an attorney to fight for what is in your best interest. Usually they ask for a lot so it looks like they give a little and that is what his attorney is doing. If you left the home, then you may have messed up. With kids in your care you could have stayed and probably been awarded something because of it. Now you will probably just get monetary value of something, with the tax debt, it may be ordered to be put for sale and pay the debt. There are just too many ifs and maybe's you need an attorney.
 

VeronicaGia

Senior Member
Who filed for the divorce? I'm wondering what a judge will think when, after years of your name not being on the title of the house, a week after it's added, you file for divorce.

And are you sure those papers are on the way? It's possible they aren't....

Also, you say the house has been paid for for 14 years, then you say "i worked all of my life including paying the morgage/school taxes/property taxes and my name was put on the deed you name it i paid it as well, he says that does not matter ???"

What mortgage?

In any event, you need an attorney, but let me ask you this. If this house was left to you by your mother, wouldn't you fight to keep it out of his hands? It would be, after all, your inheritance, not his.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
NieveInNewYork said:
This Tax Debt is like 16 years old from his Employment not mine, I had a baby at that time and was not even working and yes we did file joint, I guess i had no idea at the time that it would result in such a mess like this, mainly because my spouse chooses to ignore the important things in life.

he was a regular employee prior to the tax debt year then the co, wanted the drivers to be self employed it lasted 2 years and didnt work out, they got screwed so to speake, and went back on the clock, the real problem was he did not pay his quarterly taxes and ended up in a mess that he could not get out from under from, so...... now we went back and amended the 2 tax years and hope the IRS knocks off a sizeable amount of Interest and penaltys but he still wants me to split the difference at the end of it all, and i feel like i should not have to when he holds the house over my head the way he does, he's immature what can i say :rolleyes:

anyway what exactly is the innocent spouse all about, i was told by our accountant that it would not fly because i signed the return?

Thanks for any info.
I disagree with your accountant. It may not fly, but if you weren't working then the debt clearly was due to his employment, and its quite possible that filing the innocent spouse form would work. You should at least try.

I also think that its possible that a judge wouldn't hold you responsible for paying 1/2 of his tax debt.

You most sincerely need to get yourself an attorney.
 

NieveInNewYork

Junior Member
VeronicaGia said:
Who filed for the divorce? I'm wondering what a judge will think when, after years of your name not being on the title of the house, a week after it's added, you file for divorce.

And are you sure those papers are on the way? It's possible they aren't....

Also, you say the house has been paid for for 14 years, then you say "i worked all of my life including paying the morgage/school taxes/property taxes and my name was put on the deed you name it i paid it as well, he says that does not matter ???"

What mortgage?

In any event, you need an attorney, but let me ask you this. If this house was left to you by your mother, wouldn't you fight to keep it out of his hands? It would be, after all, your inheritance, not his.
Actually He wanted the Divorce, As i explained he had an affair with his old girlfriend of 20 years Ago! She is 16 1/2 years happily married or so i hear, Thats a new one on me any way, I did'nt mean Mortgage, It's an Equity loan which is like a mortgage for us anyway, and we did attempt this years ago with adding my name and it was so intense that we dropped it, this time we went to a lawyer, done deal and i picked up the copy of the deed the was sent to the town clerk, it will take up to six months for the new deed to come.

By the way i put $ 26,000,00 into this house my self, not to mention all the years i worked, equity loan is for 15 years, and NO i would never not give him half of the house for a 19 year marriage, hes not trying to keep it from me it was his doing to put my name on the deed, What i said i did not like was he wants be to sign off on a lot of things, and agree to possibly out of state because its cheaper to live there,,it's a lot of things, I dont like the Blackmail Tactics, and i dont like useing his Union Lawyer, he made it clear to me that he id not working for ME! and i dont want him moving in my backyard :rolleyes: and he did not inherit the house by anyone dieing, his mom transfered it but it was ok when i paid all the taxes, etc when he was out on comp 4 times in our marriage, ya know ill stop here because i can go on and on about this.

Thanks for advice
 

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