have to pay alimony to husband?

What is the name of your state?CT
Married over 30 years. Husband has very poor job track record altho has advanced college degree. ALso, has history of financial irresponsibility--excessive credit card debt, bouncing checks, not paying bills on time or at all, taking money out of my personal bank account. Children are now grown but during their growing years, out of necessity I had to get a job when they they were very young bacsue we could not afford to be without medical ins. I Have suggested 90-separation to allow him to practice the skill of supporting himself, but he is resistant. Currently he is unemployed & making excuses about not having found the 'right' job. Marriage counselling has not helped. He most likely will not move out or get any kind of job (even an interim one) until he feels like it. I have made more $$$ than he does for the past few years because he gets fired after a year or two. He made a comment that--if I wanted a separation--I could pay to support him since I make more than he does. Question: what are the criteria for determining whether alimony to him in this case is justified? Could I be obligated to pay him even tho he chooses not to work at all, or chooses to work in a low-paying job?

TiredWife said:

What is the name of your state?CT
Married over 30 years. Husband has very poor job track record altho has advanced college degree. ALso, has history of financial irresponsibility--excessive credit card debt, bouncing checks, not paying bills on time or at all, taking money out of my personal bank account. Children are now grown but during their growing years, out of necessity I had to get a job when they they were very young bacsue we could not afford to be without medical ins. I Have suggested 90-separation to allow him to practice the skill of supporting himself, but he is resistant. Currently he is unemployed & making excuses about not having found the 'right' job. Marriage counselling has not helped. He most likely will not move out or get any kind of job (even an interim one) until he feels like it. I have made more $$$ than he does for the past few years because he gets fired after a year or two. He made a comment that--if I wanted a separation--I could pay to support him since I make more than he does. Question: what are the criteria for determining whether alimony to him in this case is justified? Could I be obligated to pay him even tho he chooses not to work at all, or chooses to work in a low-paying job?

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It could happen.....you could perhaps make arguments againt it since you haven't always made more money than him....but its possible. You probably need a good attorney.

Yes indeed it's possible. How many men have been ordered to pay spousal support because their wives have a spotty job history or the wife just refused to work at all?

CT

In my case, husband is perfectly capable of earning a decent living (and has in the past), he has a Masters degree + 25 yrs business experience. Instead he has chosen in recent years to be a substitute teacher who makes next to nothing becasue its easy work, he doen't work in the summer, & it must nbe really nice not to have any financial responsibility. Are these mitigating circumstances? Its not like he has no job skills or work experience.

What grounds were you planning on for your divorce? That may affect potential spousal support as well as the underlined sections of the information below. An attorney is strongly suggested.


What are the grounds for divorce in Connecticut?

A divorce may be granted in Connecticut for any of the following grounds:
RESIDENCY REQUIREMENTS AND WHERE TO FILE: The dissolution of marriage may be filed by either spouse if a resident. However, the dissolution of marriage will not be finalized until 1 spouse has been a resident for 1 year; unless 1 of the spouses was a resident of Connecticut at the time of the marriage and returned with the intention of permanent residence; or if the grounds for the dissolution of marriage arose in Connecticut. In cases which involve support, the dissolution of marriage is to be filed in the county in which the plaintiff resides. In all other cases, the dissolution of marriage may be filed in any county which is most convenient to both spouses. [Connecticut General Statutes Annotated; Title 46b, Chapter 44 and Title 51, Chapter 349].

LEGAL GROUNDS FOR DISSOLUTION OF MARRIAGE: No-Fault: (1) Irretrievable breakdown of the marriage; (2) incompatibility and voluntary separation for 18 months with no reasonable prospect for reconciliation. [Connecticut General Statutes Annotated; Title 46b, Chapter 40].

General: (1) Adultery; (2) life imprisonment; (3) confinement for incurable insanity for a total of 5 years; (4) willful desertion and nonsupport for 1 year; (5) 7 years absence; (6) cruel and inhuman treatment; (7) fraud; (8) habitual intemperance (drunkenness); and (9) commission and/or conviction of an infamous crime involving a violation of conjugal duty and imprisonment for at least 1 year. [Connecticut General Statutes Annotated; Title 46b, Chapter 40].

LEGAL SEPARATION: A legal separation may be granted on the following grounds: (1) irretrievable breakdown of the marriage; (2) incompatibility and voluntary separation; (3) adultery; (4) life imprisonment; (5) confinement for incurable insanity for a total of 5 years; (6) willful desertion and nonsupport for 1 year; (7) cruel and inhuman treatment; (8) fraud; (9) habitual intemperance (drunkenness); and (10) commission and/or conviction of an infamous crime involving a violation of conjugal duty and imprisonment for at least 1 year. There is no residency requirement noted in the statute. [Connecticut General Statutes Annotated; Title 46b, Chapter 40].

SIMPLIFIED OR SPECIAL DISSOLUTION OF MARRIAGE PROCEDURES: Proof of the breakdown of the marriage can be made by: (1) the spouses signing an agreement or statement that their marriage is irretrievably broken or (2) both spouses stating in court that their marriage is irretrievably broken and submitting an agreement concerning the care, custody, visitation, maintenance, support, and education after custody of their children, if any, and concerning alimony and the disposition of any property. [Connecticut General Statutes Annotated; Title 46b, Chapter 51].

MEDIATION OR COUNSELING REQUIREMENTS: Within 90 days after the dissolution of marriage has been filed, either spouse or the attorney for any minor children may submit a request for conciliation to the clerk of the court. Two mandatory counseling sessions will be ordered. Mediation services may also be available from the court for property, financial, custody, and visitation issues. [Connecticut General Statutes Annotated; Title 46b, Chapter 53 and 53(a)].

PROPERTY DISTRIBUTION: Connecticut is an "equitable distribution" state. The court may assign to either spouse all or part of the property of the other spouse, including any gifts and inheritances, based on the following factors: (1) the contribution of each spouse to the acquisition of the marital property, including the contribution of each spouse as homemaker; (2) the length of the marriage; (3) the age and health of the spouses; (4) the occupation of the spouses; (5) the amount and sources of income of the spouses; (6) the vocational skills of the spouses; (7) the employability of the spouses; (8) the estate, liabilities, and needs of each spouse and the opportunity of each for further acquisition of capital assets and income; (9) the circumstances that contributed to the estrangement of the spouses; and (10) the causes of the dissolution of marriage. [Connecticut General Statutes Annotated; Title 46b, Chapter 81].

ALIMONY/MAINTENANCE/SPOUSAL SUPPORT: Alimony may be awarded to either spouse, based on the following factors: (1) the causes for the dissolution of marriage, including any marital fault; (2) the distribution of the marital property; (3) whether the spouse seeking support is the custodian of a child whose condition or circumstances make it appropriate for that spouse not to seek outside employment; (4) the duration of the marriage; (5) the age of the spouses; (6) the physical and emotional conditions of the spouses; (7) the usual occupation of the spouses during the marriage; (8) the needs of each spouse; and (9) the vocational skills and employability of the spouse seeking support and alimony. [Connecticut General Statutes Annotated; Title 46b, Chapters 82 and 86].

well that's a pretty long list. where does 'financial irresponsibility' fall? i think its been cruel & unusual, since i was always the one who had to clean up the financial messes, but i'm guessing that realistically it would have to fall under irretrievable breakdown?

how much weight would it likely carry in a court re: my paying him alimony that he has the degrees & work experience for a higher paying job but has CHOSEN not to employ them?

TiredWife said:

well that's a pretty long list. where does 'financial irresponsibility' fall? i think its been cruel & unusual, since i was always the one who had to clean up the financial messes, but i'm guessing that realistically it would have to fall under irretrievable breakdown?

how much weight would it likely carry in a court re: my paying him alimony that he has the degrees & work experience for a higher paying job but has CHOSEN not to employ them?

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It would certainly carry some significant weight.

TiredWife said:

well that's a pretty long list. where does 'financial irresponsibility' fall? i think its been cruel & unusual, since i was always the one who had to clean up the financial messes, but i'm guessing that realistically it would have to fall under irretrievable breakdown?

how much weight would it likely carry in a court re: my paying him alimony that he has the degrees & work experience for a higher paying job but has CHOSEN not to employ them?

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Do you have any idea of how many women are perfectly capable of working, who have advanced degrees but refuse to work or work enough to support themselves, but still collect alimony? If that was the test (and it should be since I despise alimony), there'd be a lot less alimony being paid.

And you've accepted the situation; him working part time, not utilizing his advanced education and experience to take care of himself. However, if there's no way around it, make sure it is rehabilitative and ends at a specific time, say after a period of a few years.