Divorce and the military.

I had a question about the time frame a person has to notify the DOD after a divorce is final, to receive benefits. My mother in law is getting divorced and he wants her to wait until after he retires, which is in a year, to notify the military of the divorce. I'm wondering will she still be able to receive the benefits she is entitled to if she waits a year to notify the military of the divorce. Also, is anyone familar with the 20/20/20 rule? He wants the divorce now and he has not completed 20 years of service yet, if she divorces him before he does 20 does that mean she is not entitled to all the benefits enititled to those who meet the 20/20/20 rule? I hope someone can help and fast because she is supposed to sign on December 13th. Also, they are from and living in Puerto Rico. I can't find any information on divorce law in P.R.

OK, the question that pops out at me is "Why does he want to delay telling the military of the divorce?"

Since he is unlikely to be receiving a promotion between now and his escape, I don't think he's worried about the effect it would have on his career.

The only thing I can think of, is that he is trying to keep his base housing or BAQ money, etc etc. Which, unless there are children involved here, would be illegal.

On the other hand, it is up to him to inform the military. Your mother has no obligation there. I would suggest she return her dependent military ID cards and refrain from using base services.

I can't answer you about the 20/20/20 rule. Unfortunately, while military members will quote you all the glorious things a dependent wife is entitled to prior to a marriage, I've noticed they clam up about it afterwards! Oh, and base legal is no help at all! Then, you approach a civilian lawyer and they can't help you either!

If she has been married for almost 20 years to a military member, she must know other dependent wives or husbands that got a divorce. Maybe they can point her in the right direction to finding out about this rule.

If you do find out, please let us know your source and what you discovered. We do get quite a few questions on here and can only answer from personal experience... We're not able to quote the reg's!

Tig

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just a couple of things...first of all, if the military is not notified immediately of the divorce(or separation, legal or otherwise)when they are notified, your mother-in-law's ex husband will be required to pay back all BAQ(it's BAH now, btw) and com/rats(rations pay) from the date that she moved out of the shared domicile. I know this to be true because it is happeneing to my husband...we are separated, but he waited a few months to do the paperwork because he did not want to move into the barracks and now wants me to lie about the date on the paperwork, which I won't do, so he's having to pay back BAQ and rations...This will not affect your mother-in-law in any way except that they take it directly out his paycheck until it's paid off, which means that he gets no paycheck until it is paid in full, so any monies due to her as a result of the divorce(alimony, etc.) will not be recieved until a later date as he will have NO money at all...you might want to have her tell him this.
Second-- since they were married for a significant amount of time, duriung which he was enlisted in the military, she will be entitled to half of his military retirement check, as well as death benefits under SGLI unless she waives that(which I would advise not to do) Since they were married for so long, if she does not work, then she may be entitled to more than half, as most members who retire from the military work for another 20 to 40 years after they retire. This information comes to me by way of my stepdad. He was in the military for 21 years. six months before he was discharged, he got married. They were married for 8 years, but only six months of that was when he was in the military, but she still gets half of his retirement pay every month.
not sure if this was what you were looking for, but I hope it helped!
Melissa

P.S.
Are they citizens of the united states? and what is his leave address? if his leave address is in the united states, and not PR, then the divorce will have to be done in his home state. my ex is stationed in Cali, but our home state is Colorado, so the divorce has to be filed here, cause neither of us pays California taxes

lildevil719 said:

just a couple of things...first of all, if the military is not notified immediately of the divorce(or separation, legal or otherwise)when they are notified,

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This is my concern. He is retiring shortly, what if he simply does not inform them {FULL STOP}.

What would happen then?

Tig

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Divorce and the Military

Not positive what exactly would happen...I have seen, however, the lengths the military will go to to recover money that has been stolen from the(and if he's delaying telling the for BAQ, then it is stealing. Because, even if a person ranks high enough to recieve BAQ without being married(E4 and up, usually) They do not qualify for it until they are living out in town on their own. For one thing, if they find out after his retirement is finalized and he's no longer active, they WILL deduct the amount from his retirement check until it is paid off...If he does not recieve a retirement check(he should, unless he gets an other than honourable before his EAS date) They will throw him in the brig(or whatever tha army calls it. I have seen this happen to two different paople. If the military feels that they have had money stolen from them, they WILL take it back, whether it's in money or in jail time. That's only if they find out...but they will, eventually, because she is entitled to half of his retirement check, and they need to see the divorce papers(which will have a date of separation on them) in order to give the money directly to her, rather than her having to wait for it. Does that help, Tig?

Pretty much what I thought anyway... Thanks.

Tig

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I find it amusing that all anyone wants to know is how much can I squeaze out of the guy. Here is the "real deal" If he's retiring, he has rank. Therefore he will have to pay a very small amount of BAH for Dependants back. Someting in the tune of 200 a month give or take. (most likely take) He must be at least an E-6 prob an E-7, so he will not have to live in the baracks. BAS is not an issue because he was not eating free govenment meals. If they get divorced before 20 years AD she will get the 20/15/20, if after she gets the 20/20/20. I have more specs on the two entilements if you want them. I've seen plenty of divorces around retirement time and have come to experinece that the member feels very emotional about the termination of a 20yr carreer and wants to keep his divorce a secret to uphold the image and self respect. I personaly think that a military member should not be allowed to get married. Most of them just seem to get screwed over time and time again.

I don't recall there being a discussion about how much she could get from him. Just what would happen if he delayed informing DOD.

Although it would be nice if military members could be required to have counseling prior to marriage. As I've seen a great many of their spouses get screwed over time and time again.

Have a nice day.

Tig

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Sorry, couldn't resist jumping in here -- personnally, I think that there should be REQUIRED counseling for EVERYONE (military or civilian) prior to allowing them to marry -- if you break it down there is just as much "screwing" going on in the civilian world as the good old armed forces.
As to not allowing military memebers to marry -- I understand your statement for what it is, but have to take personal offense ...... as a proud military spouse!
Basically it boils down to whether you are a garbage man or a tank mechanic it is WAY too easy these days for people to jump into a marriage because "if it doens't work we can always get a divorce".....if they would just take a little more time to think about making it work or not getting married we'd have a lot less use for these boards. I find it rather disturbing that in this country you must in the least take a test and at most a six week cours just to attain your driver's license and yet it takes five minutes and in some states as little as $30 to get a marriage license.....and they wonder why there is a 50% divorce rate?

Thank you for replying, sorry to have offended any of you.
Honors to all of you military spouses who have to endure a military life. What I was trying to convey is that it takes a very unique person to stay married to a military person. And that there are few who can begin to understand what sacrifices and hardships are undured. My hats off to you, the military families.

jswis1 said:

Thank you for replying, sorry to have offended any of you.
Honors to all of you military spouses who have to endure a military life. What I was trying to convey is that it takes a very unique person to stay married to a military person. And that there are few who can begin to understand what sacrifices and hardships are undured. My hats off to you, the military families.

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Ah yes, it does require some severe sacrifices. And yes, some couples break over them.

However, many couples break because of OTHER things and then, the military member declares the civilian spouse can't handle the military life! *s* NOT all military members do this, but some, yes.

Then, there is the situation where the military member simply can't understand that they should appreciate the civilian spouse for being longsuffering and yet, not reaping nearly half as many benefits. This can break a couple also. Put it under the category Lack of Respect.

Military life is simply another form of stress. Good stress or bad stress, it doesn't matter. Stress always makes life challenging.

Tig

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fyi--the military(allbranches) does require that members get 6 weeks of marriage counseling before getting married. The problem is that there is really no way to enforce it. If someone goes home on leave and gets married, there's nothing the military can do about it...this is why so many people get away with getting married just for BAQ and com/rats. I saw that happen a lot. just thought I'd let you know!

Melissa

Going through a divorce with a military member that just retired. We have been married fourteen and a half years of my husbands twenty years of military service. I am entitled to 35% of his retirement pay. I have an attorney that use to be a judge adovacate on a military base. I went to an attorney before the one I hired, the first attorney was not knowledgeable enough in the ways of the military. I live in the state of Ohio. We retired here and bought a home five months ago. I never knew until a week ago that my husband was having an affair. The military moved us into our house. Through information gathering I found out that we were entitled to one more move(within a year of retirement). So I am waiting for next week to get here and move mine and the childrens belongings back home. It is time to start my life over. Tell her that it is not easy. I didn't even bother with base legal because he is retired. Good Luck