Help me help him

What is the name of your state? Florida

My boyfriend was put on 2 yrs probation for Grand Theft Auto and Possession (both 3rd degree felonies) in Mar 2005... he recently was arrested for Burglery (3rd degree felony) and Petit Theft (1st degree misdemeanor)... he was release on bond, and told by his PO to turn himself in for VOP... he did and is now being held with no bond.

He has been appointed 2 different Public Def. and I've asked to make appointments with them, but unfortunately they don't make appts with family and friends. And I've spoke to several lawyers, all of whom are out of my price range and give vague legal advice.

Right now, I'm trying to do all that I can to help him with his cases... I've just become the only source of income for the household and the only available parent to our 3 kids... and I am sooo lost and confused.

My questions...

1. My boyfriend got the burglery/petit theft charge for stealing a cell phone out of someone's unlocked car... the property (car/phone) was not damaged... and the phone was returned to the victim. I'm not sure how the burglery equates to the grand theft auto charge... how come they hold the same level/degree (3rd degree felony)?

2. Is it inappropriate for me to write a letter to the judge (who is very "heavy handed") asking her to reconsider her decision to hold him w/o bond? Do I address it to her, the clerk of court, or have it go through the Pub. Def. office first?

3. Is it inappropriate for me to write a letter to the burglery victim (his name and address were in the police/arrest report) asking him to drop the charges... letting him know that even if he drops the charges, my boyfriend will still have to serve time for the VOP? Or will I be making a bad situation worse? Should the Pub. Def. be asking the victim to drop charges?

I know what he did was really stupid, but I don't know anyone that can "cast the first stone"... we all make mistakes in life (some are worse than others). I appreciate any advice/comments/answers that you take the time to provide... I know it is difficult to try and defend someone who clearly was in the wrong.

I will answer question #3 for you...DO NOT WRITE A LETTER TO THE VICTIM!!! Very bad idea....one of the legal eagles will have more to advice...

I am going to give you some non-legal advice...you may want to think about getting out of this relationship...just something to think about...

I've just become the only source of income for the household and the only available parent to our 3 kids... and I am sooo lost and confused.

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The Judge will not go any easier because of this statement. In fact, it may hurt him.
Does he have a regular job? My guess is no, he steals whatever he can, from whoever he can and whenever he can to support his drug habit. Whatever money may be left after he scores, is what you probably consider his source of income that’s no longer coming into the household.

As such, the longer he spends in jail, the less property he will be able to liberate from random victims.

Besides, how much income could he really be pulling into the household if he’s stealing cell phones from unlocked cars? He probably needs a dozen or so just to come up on a sack of dope!

3. Is it inappropriate for me to write a letter to the burglery victim (his name and address were in the police/arrest report) asking him to drop the charges... letting him know that even if he drops the charges, my boyfriend will still have to serve time for the VOP? Or will I be making a bad situation worse?

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Contacting the victim may be received as being a threat more than an apology.
If you really want to write apology letters, see if you can find out how many other people were victims of your boyfriends criminal activities all those times he wasn’t caught.
Then, send them each a note of how sorry he is. You can explain how he only steals because he has a girlfriend and three children to feed. Then sit back and see how many of them “understand” and believe he’s really a nice guy caught between a rock and a hard spot**************

Certainly your not so blind that you can’t see that this dirt bag will never change. That you will be for ever trying to raise bail money and hire lawyers to help get him out of every new arrest in a never ending cycle of dysfunctional behavior.

Do yourself a favor while you can, use the time he is in jail to find someone worthy of your love and concern, or do something constructive to improve the situation you and your children are currently living under. Then forget about him all together.
Realize that by his actions, he’s where he chooses to be. Now is the time for you to decide where you chose to be. Unfortunately, the children don’t get a choice, they have to live with yours**************

Ouch...

... gosh, I didn't realize I'd get more personal advice than legal advice.

Thanks for taking the time to respond, but I am going to continue to stick by my man.

By the way, the possession charge doesn't imply that he is a user... and we both have regular jobs... his problems with theft isn't about "need"... not quite sure what compells him to steal, but it certainly isn't need.

I am not by any means writing letters to excuse his behavior... nor are they apology letters... but like the judge/victim, simply based on what I told you he did criminally, you automatically assumed he is a jobless, drug addict... he is neither.

feelin_helpless said:

... gosh, I didn't realize I'd get more personal advice than legal advice.

Thanks for taking the time to respond, but I am going to continue to stick by my man.

By the way, the possession charge doesn't imply that he is a user... and we both have regular jobs... his problems with theft isn't about "need"... not quite sure what compells him to steal, but it certainly isn't need.

I am not by any means writing letters to excuse his behavior... nor are they apology letters... but like the judge/victim, simply based on what I told you he did criminally, you automatically assumed he is a jobless, drug addict... he is neither.

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Not yet! He will be if he keeps heading down that road. Although "need" is not an excuse to steal, it is "somewhat" understandable when someone steals because of it. Since he is not stealing because of "need" it shows his true moral character. If you choose to be with him, knowing this character flaw of his, you and your family deserve whatever hardships his actions brings on you!

1. My boyfriend got the burglery/petit theft charge for stealing a cell phone out of someone's unlocked car... the property (car/phone) was not damaged... and the phone was returned to the victim. I'm not sure how the burglery equates to the grand theft auto charge... how come they hold the same level/degree (3rd degree felony)?

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Because that's the way the law is written,

2. Is it inappropriate for me to write a letter to the judge (who is very "heavy handed") asking her to reconsider her decision to hold him w/o bond? Do I address it to her, the clerk of court, or have it go through the Pub. Def. office first?

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Yes.

Besides, do you really think it would do much good? It's not as if you are an unbiased third party in this case, and your wanting him out will have no more influence on the judge than your boyfriend writing the same letter would have.

3. Is it inappropriate for me to write a letter to the burglery victim (his name and address were in the police/arrest report) asking him to drop the charges... letting him know that even if he drops the charges, my boyfriend will still have to serve time for the VOP? Or will I be making a bad situation worse? Should the Pub. Def. be asking the victim to drop charges?

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Yes.

As others have noted, it might be seen as trying to corrupt the process, or as a threat. Besides, the victim doesn't get to choose whether charges get dropped or not -- the DA gets to make that decision. Even if the victim said he wasn't going to cooperate, the DA could still go forward.

I know what he did was really stupid, but I don't know anyone that can "cast the first stone"... we all make mistakes in life (some are worse than others). I appreciate any advice/comments/answers that you take the time to provide... I know it is difficult to try and defend someone who clearly was in the wrong.

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It's not a mistake -- he made a deliberate action, he knew the risks he was taking, he decided (for whatever reason) that his actions were worth the risk of getting caught. Period. Forgetting your wallet is a "mistake." Misspelling a name is a "mistake." Maybe -- and this is kind of a stretch -- even parking in a red zone is a "mistake," at least if you didn't see the red on the curb. Breaking into someone's car to steal their phone is not a "mistake," it's a deliberate act.

Unless you can somehow articulate that he reasonably thought it was his car he was going into, to get his cell phone, and he was simply wrong, it's not a mistake -- it's a criminal act, an act he had to DECIDE to do.

feelin_helpless said:

What is the name of your state? Florida

My boyfriend was put on 2 yrs probation for Grand Theft Auto and Possession (both 3rd degree felonies) in Mar 2005... he recently was arrested for Burglery (3rd degree felony) and Petit Theft (1st degree misdemeanor)... he was release on bond, and told by his PO to turn himself in for VOP... he did and is now being held with no bond.

He has been appointed 2 different Public Def. and I've asked to make appointments with them, but unfortunately they don't make appts with family and friends. And I've spoke to several lawyers, all of whom are out of my price range and give vague legal advice.

Right now, I'm trying to do all that I can to help him with his cases... I've just become the only source of income for the household and the only available parent to our 3 kids... and I am sooo lost and confused.

My questions...

1. My boyfriend got the burglery/petit theft charge for stealing a cell phone out of someone's unlocked car... the property (car/phone) was not damaged... and the phone was returned to the victim. I'm not sure how the burglery equates to the grand theft auto charge... how come they hold the same level/degree (3rd degree felony)?

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I'm not sure I understand your question, but if I take it literally, the answer is, "because that's what the legislature decided."

2. Is it inappropriate for me to write a letter to the judge (who is very "heavy handed") asking her to reconsider her decision to hold him w/o bond? Do I address it to her, the clerk of court, or have it go through the Pub. Def. office first?

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It's not inappropriate. However, you should be careful about what you put in the letter. You might want to have him give it to his lawyer first.

Truthfully, helpless, the chances the judge will read it are not great, unless you live in a small town or the judge is exceptionally diligent. Criminal judges have hundreds of defendants on their dockets at any given time, thousands in a year.

3. Is it inappropriate for me to write a letter to the burglery victim (his name and address were in the police/arrest report) asking him to drop the charges... letting him know that even if he drops the charges, my boyfriend will still have to serve time for the VOP? Or will I be making a bad situation worse? Should the Pub. Def. be asking the victim to drop charges?

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I think that would be a bad idea. I don't think this guy wants to hear from you. Also, it's the state that prosecutes criminal cases, not victims, and victims don't get to decide whether the prosecutor dismisses the case.

I know what he did was really stupid, but I don't know anyone that can "cast the first stone"... we all make mistakes in life (some are worse than others). I appreciate any advice/comments/answers that you take the time to provide... I know it is difficult to try and defend someone who clearly was in the wrong.

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Thanks to everyone for your advice...

special thanks to Kane for your legal advice without trying to go all "Dr Phil" on me.

like the judge/victim, simply based on what I told you he did criminally, you automatically assumed he is a jobless, drug addict... he is neither.

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He has a job and is not on drugs? Man, that's the worse kind,,,,, how do you change someone's behavior when it's not influenced by other negative dependencies? When most people get off of drugs and become gainfully employed, their criminal activity usually comes to an end.

Sorry for assuming he wasn’t employed. I just figured that if he was, you would have mentioned if his employer is willing to provide a character referance and hold his job for him. As this is something which could possibly have a positive influence on the Judge.

I know what he did was really stupid, but I don't know anyone that can "cast the first stone"... we all make mistakes in life

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True, the court must also believe this reasoning, which is why he was given probation after his GTA and possession convictions ten months back. But a person can only cast so many stones before one comes back and hits them on the top of their big stupid head!

I am going to continue to stick by my man.

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Unfortunately, the children don’t get a choice, they have to live with yours.

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