Harrassment, where is the limit?

I have been in a very controlling marriage for close to 9 years. In June 2000 I petitioned for a "refrain from" order of protection, that was supposed to stop my husband from harrassing me and playing his mind games with me and the children.I have 2 daughters, one is from my first marriage and he uses her to play games by telling her things such as what he is going to do next to "mentally" hurt me, in the hopes she will tell me and I would confront him about him "screwing" with her head... He moved to a different state, quitting his job and breaking all ties here, just to come back 3 days later. I asked for a restraining order but it was denied because he hasn't assaulted me. I was granted another "refrain from" order (yes, I was stupid and dropped the first one) but he will not stop his games. He has programs in the computer that log everyone of my keystrokes so he knows what I type, passwords...etc. He has already removed things from the house, is staying with his parents, but tracks every one of my moves by using these programs, recording phone conversations....I can't do ANYTHING without having to look over my shoulders and now that he is unemployed he has all the time in the world to "check" on me. He even went as far as translating my journal which I keep in my mothertongue to see what I do. He lives with his parents but has the right to show up anytime he pleases....where is my right to privacy???
My nerves are shot...the kids are tense....how much more do I have to put up with?

Hi Rainbow - I haven't been to law school, but I have been in similar circumstances and can commiserate with your experiences.

First of all, mitigate your damages. Take your computer for repair and get those programs cleaned off (or do it yourself, if you can manage). Until then, DON'T USE IT. Go to an internet cafe if you must.

Second, change your locks on all doors to your home. If you have a garage door on an opener, change the code (call the installers or the company to have them walk you through it).

Have a second phone line installed, and let everyone you know to use it. This way, he is less likely to come after you for interrupting service. Get caller ID on both. And get a cell phone, just in case.

As far as protecting yourself, you never know when these types are going to snap. Get yourself some pepper spray (if it's legal in your state), a mini tape recorder (for evidence) and keep them (and the cell phone) with you AT ALL TIMES. You might also want to think about taking some self defense classes. While your at it, many counties have free counseling for victims of domestic abuse. If you were in a controlling marriage for 9 years, you need it!

As far as legally, I don't know what state you are in, but you should be able to get a restraining order EVEN THOUGH he hasn't (yet) assaulted you. He HAS harassed you and he IS stalking you. Go to your country courthouse and ask for paperwork to do so.

If your employers support you, have them also file a restaining order against your husband, as his unwelcome phone calls are a form of harassment.

Good luck, Rainbow!

thank you

Thank you pixie....

as far as changing the locks.....it's a no go....even though he has moved out and changed his address, the judge said it is STILL the marital residence and he doesn't HAVE to stay away.
We went to court today to get the custody matter started. Because he quit his job (he is single now, no need to bust his hump to support the family) he is entitled to an assigned attorney. I am struggling to pay the rent let alone put gas in the car to make it to work in order to continue to get paid....but I make TOO MUCH for assigned council.
Now my worries are about how to afford a lawyer.....I even tried this county's legal help system, but I don't qualify for even a free conultation.
So I am just going to have to see what comes toward me and deal with it I guess :-(
Thanks for listening though