Wife lied about severe depression

What is the name of your state? NJ

I got married 3 years ago, but have lived with my wife intermittenetly for about a year ... as a result of her having panic attacks and severe depression.

When I was engaged to her, I visited her sister who was in a hospital being treated for depression. I specifically asked her if she ever had been diagnosed or treated for depression, and she said NO. The truth is that her sisters situation really scared me. I am a person who carries a heavy load in this life, and I cannot support a person who needs help to such an extent. This was overseas where we lived for 7 months, then I came back to the US where she joined me.

A month into her stay, she gets a panic attack, calls police for no reason and travels overseas at the spur of the moment ... all while I was watching, and could not do anything to stop her, or help her. She ad her family apologized, only to do it again few months later.

So far, her longest stay with me in the US was for 3 months. She is very normal, except when she gets panic attacks or sever depression, that is when she makes an abrupt U-Turn and causes me huge expenses, disruptions form work, sadness and uncertainity in life.

I took her to several psychiatrists but all solutions work for a little while. My work requires me to travel several times a month, and I cannot leave her alone. I knew that I will not be able to care for her if she had a situation like her sister, and I asked the question very clearly, and upfront, and she lied. Can I get an annulment based on this? Thank you.

... in sickness and in health ...

did I know, before I married him, that the 'wind beneath my wings' would be my husband's incredible farts ?
He did not disclose them prior to marriage ! ... but I still love him & he's worth every breath/poot.

Possibly your wife wasn't aware of any future problems, before she married you.

If you love her, enough, handle it together ... otherwise, get a divorce.

PS: a lot of people have difficulty adapting to the US as their new home. Does she speak English ? Possibly learning more about the US, language, and making friends, here, would help.

base on a lie

I would have accepted the situation if it happened after we got married, but I would not have placed myself in a situation I cannot handle, and I cannot sustain.

I asked my wife POINT BLANK if she gets those episodes, because I knew I could not handle them, they scared me (when I saw what happened to her sister). And I have known that the antidepressants taken would make sexual life nonexistant.

n identical situation would be if a person denied being in dept, only to disclose after marriage. Why should I spend the rest of my life paying my hard earned money for someone who did not have the honesty of disclosing when asked point blank.

I have tried everything to make this marriage work, but everytime the despression hits or a panic attack occures, my wife either attempts suicide, or uses my credit card to buy a $3000 ticket instantly, when she could waite a week and get it for $900.

"In sickness or in health" is something honorable, but how about if an HIV person hid his condition. My situation is no different as it made my life misrable. I feel as if my new life is all about paying for that persons medical bills; acting on psychiatrist advice and taking numerous vactions in places she suggested to him; leaving work like a mad man everytime she threatens of swallawing her entire bottle of Prozac, not to mention all the agony I suffer from living wiht a person with sucha condition.

If she told me about it and I accepted, then I would do anything I can. But now 3 years later, having neglected my children (from previous marriage), myself and my career ... plus having spent most of my savings .... should I keep doing this ..... an annulment would be best option because I cannot commit myself to somehting I cannot do.

You are perfectly free to get a divorce if you can no longer handle the marriage. However, I am not sure that you have grounds for an annulment, and annulments are usually more expensive and complicated than a divorce.

You haven't been married long enough for spousal support to be an issue. And if your savings have been depleted you won't have accrued much in the way of marital assets either.

garrula lingua said:

... in sickness and in health ...

did I know, before I married him, that the 'wind beneath my wings' would be my husband's incredible farts ?
He did not disclose them prior to marriage ! ... but I still love him & he's worth every breath/poot.

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That was great!

scot4538 said:

I would have accepted the situation if it happened after we got married, but I would not have placed myself in a situation I cannot handle, and I cannot sustain.

I asked my wife POINT BLANK if she gets those episodes, because I knew I could not handle them, they scared me (when I saw what happened to her sister). And I have known that the antidepressants taken would make sexual life nonexistant.

n identical situation would be if a person denied being in dept, only to disclose after marriage. Why should I spend the rest of my life paying my hard earned money for someone who did not have the honesty of disclosing when asked point blank.

I have tried everything to make this marriage work, but everytime the despression hits or a panic attack occures, my wife either attempts suicide, or uses my credit card to buy a $3000 ticket instantly, when she could waite a week and get it for $900.

"In sickness or in health" is something honorable, but how about if an HIV person hid his condition. My situation is no different as it made my life misrable. I feel as if my new life is all about paying for that persons medical bills; acting on psychiatrist advice and taking numerous vactions in places she suggested to him; leaving work like a mad man everytime she threatens of swallawing her entire bottle of Prozac, not to mention all the agony I suffer from living wiht a person with sucha condition.

If she told me about it and I accepted, then I would do anything I can. But now 3 years later, having neglected my children (from previous marriage), myself and my career ... plus having spent most of my savings .... should I keep doing this ..... an annulment would be best option because I cannot commit myself to somehting I cannot do.

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No, you probably don't qualify for an annulment. It is very possible that your wife did NOT actually lie to you- part of the beast named depression is an inabilty to always see the reality of one's illness, so it will be almost impossible to prove fraud.

I truly hope, for your wife's sake that you either file for a divorce or get counseling yourself. Your attitude is understandable because you feel like she lied, but the reality is that you are responsible (both legally and morally) for your situation.

Your wife needs to have a husband who is loving, and willing to help her through the bad times. It sounds like she's not going to get what she needs from you and you certainly aren't going to get what you need from her. I'm sorry, I know I'm moralizing here, but as a person who lives with depression I see a really bad situation with no way out for either of you except some kind of change. I wish you both good luck.

Thank you all for the advice. I think that disclosure of mental health, particularly when requested (as I did), requires honest response .... in order to avoid a marriage built on fraud.

Who would like to invite depression into his home? depression affects the entire family. Lets compare this to someone who concealed her HIV infection.

My wife and I do not enjoy our life because of her ailment, we do not have active sex life and she cannot get pregnant because of her medication, I spent most of my savings ... all to cope with a lie.

Someone like her can cry in court, get the sympathy of the residing judge, and deny concealing depression or being asked about it Point Blank.

My legal question at this point, being married for 3 years, lived apart for more than half that period, and not being together for the past 6 months, and her having worked overseas for part of that period .... what are the consequences in a divorce court?

Thanks again.

I specifically asked her if she ever had been diagnosed or treated for depression, and she said NO.

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PRIOR to marriage:
1. Was she indeed diagnosed with depression?
2. Was she indeed treated for depression?

If the answer is NO to these questions...then she did NOT LIE.

Any chance that YOU played a role in this "depression"?

Yes, she was diagnosed for depression and been on treatment for 3 years before our marriage. I discovered that the vitamin pills she was taking had Prozac written over them.

And, I just realized that form a legal prospective that there were no witnesses when I asked Point blank, and that she denied this.

Interesting enought, my sister-in-law has been on some sort of depression related work-leave, for which is is getting a percentage of her pay ... been doing that for 4 years now, she makes enough to go to France each year for vacation. My wife would like to do the same, she refuses to work saying she is too depressed to work, or if she gets a job she would eventually loose it if she gets sick,a nd that would cause her to be in deeper depression.

Is there somethng like the Lemon Law which applies to people?

scot4538 said:

Is there somethng like the Lemon Law which applies to people?

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Yes, but it is actually called by the more accurate name of "Divorce Court".

scot4538 said:

Is there somethng like the Lemon Law which applies to people?

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GAWD.
Just get divorced.
And never, ever marry again. You are NOT spouse material.

A lemon law for people?

ROTFLMFAO!

Who would like to make a mess of his life for someone in depression because GOD did not give her jewels like the actresses she sees on TV, nor dresses or cars like them. How many of you pay half their salaries to psychiatrists, only to find that all she is been talking to pshychiatrist about is that she needs another vacation, then I spend the other half of my money on vacation. How many of you have spouces who refuse to work because work makes them depressed more. Imagin you married a "regular" person who can be a true lifetime partner, then you discover they are Za Za Gabore on Prozac.

Whats the difference between this and getting married to a criminal who hides her past, or a druggie who hides her use, or someone in debt who lies about her financials. How about if you asked someone in a job interview if they can type and they said yes, to discover it was a lie.

I now realize that if I take my case to court, for annulment or divorce, that the judge will be sympathatic to her Za Za Gabore/ Hawaii induced depression. We are talking about someone who threatens to sell everything in the house while I am at work, so she would buy something which caught her eye. Thats a true "lemon", and I am trying to find a law which deals with that.

She is overseas now, and my best option is to entangle her in the US divorce court system. This way she will have to spend twice as much as she expects to gain. I dont like it because the law does not protect me in this situation, but its a double edged sword.

YOU CHOSE HER!
You had every opportunity to check in to things, yet you chose not too. Instead, you ask "Hey honey, are you depressed?" and take her answer as gospel truth even when her IMMEDIATE family member has the exact condition you are talking about.
Sorry your married life didn't turn out like you expected, but, again, YOU CHOSE HER!

scot4538 said:

Who would like to make a mess of his life for someone in depression because GOD did not give her jewels like the actresses she sees on TV, nor dresses or cars like them. How many of you pay half their salaries to psychiatrists, only to find that all she is been talking to pshychiatrist about is that she needs another vacation, then I spend the other half of my money on vacation. How many of you have spouces who refuse to work because work makes them depressed more. Imagin you married a "regular" person who can be a true lifetime partner, then you discover they are Za Za Gabore on Prozac.

Whats the difference between this and getting married to a criminal who hides her past, or a druggie who hides her use, or someone in debt who lies about her financials. How about if you asked someone in a job interview if they can type and they said yes, to discover it was a lie.

I now realize that if I take my case to court, for annulment or divorce, that the judge will be sympathatic to her Za Za Gabore/ Hawaii induced depression. We are talking about someone who threatens to sell everything in the house while I am at work, so she would buy something which caught her eye. Thats a true "lemon", and I am trying to find a law which deals with that.

She is overseas now, and my best option is to entangle her in the US divorce court system. This way she will have to spend twice as much as she expects to gain. I dont like it because the law does not protect me in this situation, but its a double edged sword.

Click to expand...

I now realize that if I take my case to court, for annulment or divorce, that the judge will be sympathatic to her Za Za Gabore/ Hawaii induced depression.

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WOW...you're a real piece of work !!!!!

Just from what I've read here on your thread....I would believe that YOU may be the cause for much of her depression and anxiety.

I only hope that the judge will see you the same way that we have here.

Tell your wife I wish her the best of luck and to get well. Poor woman!