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Moparman said:

What is the name of your state? TN

I apologize beforehand if this isn't in the correct category. I am new to forums.

I have spent the last 20yrs. with the same man. He and I dated for 2 years, married back in 1988 and divorced in 1999. When we intially divorced I moved out of the home. After a 6 month seperation we decided to try and work things out and I moved back into the home. We do have a 12 yr. old daughter who in the divorce decree he was granted visitation and ordered to pay child support which he still pays even though we live together again. I get the money every week but return it back to him.

I am not happy in my situation and neither is he or my daughter. We have tired to make it work for her sake for many years but the unhappiness shows on all our faces. I want to end of good terms but he is making it somewhat hard. When we married I didn't have enough credit to be placed on the mortage loan so the loan was put in his name and his name only. I am however on the deed. I found that out today.

He told me if I left him that I wasn't entitled to anything but my personal belongings because my name was not on the loan. He told me he would give me $5,000 if I could be out in 3 days but yet he turns around and threatens me if I do want to leave. He told me tonight he would charge me with abandonment if I left. Can he do that? I just want to leave and it be peaceful. But I also don't feel I should walk away with nothing. I mean in the 20 yrs. we were together I invested just as much into the home as he did and truth be told, if I do indeed leave him he will have to sell the house because he won't be able to afford it on his salary. Generally he pays the mortage and I pay ALL the other bills including his truck pmt. He can hardly make the mortage payment let alone anything else. I truly don't want to see the house sold to someone else and I would love to be able to keep it and I could afford it. But this he will not hear of. He said he would rather see it sold as to see me get it.

Should I just walk away and start all over? I hope I don't sound like a golddigger or anything because I certainly am not. I would just like to keep the home my daughter was raised in. I don't care to walk away with nothing if I have to but part of me feels I deserve a lilttle more than that. Can I be charged with abandonment if I leave him? Again, we have been divorced since 1999. My ex is a good man but he is very vindictive and I feel part of him is only doing it to hurt me but I don't want to sit here and badmouth him either. That isn't why I am here. I am here to see if anyone can offer me some advice from a legal standpoint. I have an appt. with an attorney next week but I guess I would just like to know now.

Any advice is welcome. Thank You in advance.

Stephanie

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Ohiogal said:

Actually you are wrong. You have not been together for twenty years. You divorced in 1999 after 11 years. This has been another seven but you are not married. The courts do not get divvy up the property of live-ins. TN does not recognize common law marriage. You appear to be just living together. What do you think he should owe you? IN your original divorce the property should have been divided. Was the house taken care of before then? In other words has your name been on the house since before the divorce? If so then the divorce decree rules as to what happens to the house and you may or may not be entitled to anything. If your name was added AFTER the divorce then you own half the house and you can force a partition sale but that takes time and money. But you cannot force him to give you the house.

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Moparman said:

I was including the 2 years we dated prior to the marriage. Not that it has any relevance. I am aware that TN doesn't recognize common law. My name was added after the divorce to the deed. That was part of our agreement when I moved back in after the divorce. The agreement was a verbal one and to be quiet honest I didn't know until the day before yesterday that he actually did add me to it. I never once checked to make sure because I trusted him. I however wasn't added until 2001.

Verbal agreements and real estate do not mix however you are on the deed. Therefore you probably own part of the house -- how is the deed worded -- EXACTLY! If it is a transfer on death with your name as beneficiary you have no present interest but you would still be on the deed.

I don't think he "owes" me anything. Never once said that. I just felt like I deserved a little more. Everything in the home other than one bedroom suite is mine. If I do leave he will have nothing.

Depending on how the deed is worded, you have a portion of the house. And your personal property.

I am willing to split all belongings with him which I don't think I have to do because they are my personal belongings but would be willing and more than happy to do that.


NOpe you dont have to do that.

As I said he can barely make the mortage pmt. as it is.

Then why would he want the house?

I think his fear is that if I leave he will no longer be given the child support back and without it he won't be able to make the pmt.

That is his problem not yours. You have a child support order. He has to pay it.

But I know if the situation were reversed and I had been the one ordered to pay the support he would not have been giving to back to me all these years which is fine. I wouldn't want it back. He tried refinancing it recently but was denied.

That is his problem. Though if you are on the deed (what about the mortgage) and they foreclose on the house then you would lose your portion of it as well.

The new roof, new flooring, new hotwater heater, etc. have all been purchased by me. All upkeep and upgrades I purchased. Does this mean I can take all that with me??

NO! Those are all fixtures and it is illegal to remove fixtures from a house. They have to remain in the house because of they are part of the house.

I'm not trying to "force" him into giving me the home. He is welcome to keep it. But he also won't be able to afford it and I can.

Again we need to know how the deed is worded exactly. And then you can force a lawsuit forcing the sell of th house -- which means then one of you can buy it if either of you can afford it.

I am trying to end this peacefully and in the best interest to us both. He is just making it difficult.

In your opinion. But I bet he thinks you are being difficult.


I asked if I could be charged with abandonment as he claims because if not I will leave asap?

Abandonment of WHAT? The house? You may own a part of the house. You are entitled to be in the house.You don't have to remain there every dya.

I have offered to "buy him out" so to speak. I would just like to see the home my daughter was born and raised in remain her home. I'm not trying to be vindictive, it isn't in my nature. If that were the case then I'd be ripping up floors, ripping the roof off and taking out the fridge,etc. because I purchased them all and have receipts of the purchases which would make them mine.


And none of that matters and the court would nail you for doing that -- the floors, roof and such. The Fridge can go because it is not a fixture if it is a standalone.
I actually feel bad knowing if I do indeed leave him he will lose the house. But we have tried to make it work. Gave it one heck of a try. But when two people aren't happy then they just aren't happy.


Thank you for your reply.

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