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Wasn't sure where to post: Suing other woman?

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HurtinDeeply

Junior Member
What is the name of your state? Maryland

My husband and I separated for just under a year, seeing each other occassionally on weekends, due to intense stress from a personal issue. I fell into a deep depression and he wasn't handling it well. While separated, he met someone else and they had a brief (four month) affair. She told him (and sent me an email telling me as well) that she couldn't have children, or thought she couldn't. But then told him she was. I knew nothing about this.

He told her to abort the child, that he still loved me and that we would reconcile and he wanted nothing to do with her or the child. She told him that she would take care of it, stayed out of work and then called him and said it was done. Even called him a couple of weeks later to say that her period had arrived and he didn't need to sweat anything out. She was sad about the breakup but told him she wished him the best in reconciling with me.

Then he decided that as part of our reconciliation that we would move away together, get away from all the ugliness. And that is when she turned psycho. She stalked me, told him that she never did give him a definite answer on whether she was pregnant or not, and is now running around his former place of employment saying she is pregnant with his child, won't tell him until the child is born, and plans on popping up on our doorstep.

Meanwhile, I found out I was pregnant as well.

I know that should DNA prove it to be his child, that we will have to pay child support (personally, I don't believe she is pregnant). But we want nothing to do with the mother or the child in any way. But this whole situation is killing me. My pregnancy is suffering from the letter she wrote me, from the emails she has sent him, and from what she is doing at the former employers. I can't sleep, I can't eat, and my depression is back full force.

Can I sue her for mental anguish? I've had two previous miscarriages and was nervous over the pregnancy to begin with, but now I'm a total wreck.

I know that others have asked this question but I can't help feeling that maybe my circumstances are different?
 


Shay-Pari'e

Senior Member
So if she is preggo, your husband wants nothing to do with the child? Why is your child more important than the other one?

You are a real piece of work.
 
S

shell007

Guest
HurtinDeeply said:
What is the name of your state? Maryland

My husband and I separated for just under a year, seeing each other occassionally on weekends, due to intense stress from a personal issue. I fell into a deep depression and he wasn't handling it well. While separated, he met someone else and they had a brief (four month) affair. She told him (and sent me an email telling me as well) that she couldn't have children, or thought she couldn't. But then told him she was. I knew nothing about this.

He told her to abort the child, that he still loved me and that we would reconcile and he wanted nothing to do with her or the child. She told him that she would take care of it, stayed out of work and then called him and said it was done. Even called him a couple of weeks later to say that her period had arrived and he didn't need to sweat anything out. She was sad about the breakup but told him she wished him the best in reconciling with me.

Then he decided that as part of our reconciliation that we would move away together, get away from all the ugliness. And that is when she turned psycho. She stalked me, told him that she never did give him a definite answer on whether she was pregnant or not, and is now running around his former place of employment saying she is pregnant with his child, won't tell him until the child is born, and plans on popping up on our doorstep.

Meanwhile, I found out I was pregnant as well.

I know that should DNA prove it to be his child, that we will have to pay child support (personally, I don't believe she is pregnant). But we want nothing to do with the mother or the child in any way. But this whole situation is killing me. My pregnancy is suffering from the letter she wrote me, from the emails she has sent him, and from what she is doing at the former employers. I can't sleep, I can't eat, and my depression is back full force.

Can I sue her for mental anguish? I've had two previous miscarriages and was nervous over the pregnancy to begin with, but now I'm a total wreck.

I know that others have asked this question but I can't help feeling that maybe my circumstances are different?
Why don't you consider suing YOUR HUSBAND???? :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

BTW: What do you care about what she says to the "FORMER" place of employment. I though you two moved away!!!!

Oh yea...like suing someone is going to decrease your stress/depression etc....NOT!!!

This isn't about your health...it's about REVENGE.
 

LdiJ

Senior Member
HurtinDeeply said:
What is the name of your state? Maryland

My husband and I separated for just under a year, seeing each other occassionally on weekends, due to intense stress from a personal issue. I fell into a deep depression and he wasn't handling it well. While separated, he met someone else and they had a brief (four month) affair. She told him (and sent me an email telling me as well) that she couldn't have children, or thought she couldn't. But then told him she was. I knew nothing about this.

He told her to abort the child, that he still loved me and that we would reconcile and he wanted nothing to do with her or the child. She told him that she would take care of it, stayed out of work and then called him and said it was done. Even called him a couple of weeks later to say that her period had arrived and he didn't need to sweat anything out. She was sad about the breakup but told him she wished him the best in reconciling with me.

Then he decided that as part of our reconciliation that we would move away together, get away from all the ugliness. And that is when she turned psycho. She stalked me, told him that she never did give him a definite answer on whether she was pregnant or not, and is now running around his former place of employment saying she is pregnant with his child, won't tell him until the child is born, and plans on popping up on our doorstep.

Meanwhile, I found out I was pregnant as well.

I know that should DNA prove it to be his child, that we will have to pay child support (personally, I don't believe she is pregnant). But we want nothing to do with the mother or the child in any way. But this whole situation is killing me. My pregnancy is suffering from the letter she wrote me, from the emails she has sent him, and from what she is doing at the former employers. I can't sleep, I can't eat, and my depression is back full force.

Can I sue her for mental anguish? I've had two previous miscarriages and was nervous over the pregnancy to begin with, but now I'm a total wreck.

I know that others have asked this question but I can't help feeling that maybe my circumstances are different?
I am going to be a little kinder than the others were.

The health of your pregnancy should be the most important thing to you right now. You need to let all of this go and leave the stress of it all on the back burner.

She either is or isn't pregnant. No decisions should be made until you know for sure that there actually is a child, and that the child is your husband's. Until then, stop even thinking about the situation.

However, if it does turn out to be your husband's child, then the child will be the brother or sister of your child. Therefore, neither you nor your husband should completely close the door on having contact with the child.
 

AHA

Senior Member
HurtinDeeply said:
But we want nothing to do with the mother or the child in any way.
This isn't about you, you have no place in getting involved in what the "possible" parents decides to do.


Just because a woman says she'll get an abortion doesn't mean that she actually will. Promises are broken all the time. I would be more concerened about your spouse having unprotected sex with others.

If she is indeed pregnant with your kid's half sibling, you need to find some compassion for the innocent child that deserves better role models in his/her life. She's not denying your kid his/her father, so why should you deny hers (if there even is a kid on the way)?
 

HurtinDeeply

Junior Member
Thanks Aha and LDiJ

Unfortunately, I do feel involved. Our entire family is involved. We have two other children to think of.

I don't think my baby is better than hers, but mine was planned. She tricked him into believing he had nothing to worry about. She told him she had the abortion, told him several times he was in the clear, and when he said he was leaving, she wished him well and all the best. She only became ugly upon finding out I was pregnant.

If I thought my husband would love this child, I would understand seeing it. But I know he will never feel for this child as he does for ours. He wants nothing to do with the baby. To force this child to visit a father that does not want it would cause greater damage.

No, what I want is to hold her accountable for the game she has played. I think that she should be called out on the carpet for playing such a terrible game. The others may say what they like (I thought this was free ADVICE, not free JUDGMENT) but he's paying for what he has done. She should have to as well. Not monetarily, but exposed. I think that there are other women out there who may find themselves in the same situation I am in now, because of her little game playing.

I found out yesterday that there are two other married men whom she slept with during the same period so who knows what she has up her sleeves?

As for the other responses, I see that you have no problem with a woman lying about her ability to conceive, lying about just wanting to be "special friends" only to trap a man into staying with her. Yet you get so angry over my being upset. Did you lose similar problems as the other woman? Did you try and trick a man as well and fail? Because your responses reek of bitterness and anger. Makes me question your own morality.
 

moburkes

Senior Member
It seems as if you have forgotten a few of the facts. For whatever reason, YOUR husband had unprotected SEX with another woman. Whether or not she was able to get pregnant, had he been using protection, or had he not had sex with a woman who was not his wife, he wouldn't be in this situation.

If your child with your husband was not planned, would that have made you not want it?

You want to hold the other woman accountable for what she has done, but you don't want your husband to be held accountable for what HE has done. It is unfair to the baby (if your husband's) that your husband does not take responsibility for what he has done. Has he had unprotected sex with anyone else while you were "separated"?

It really is cruel for a person not to want to have a relationship with their own child. It really is cruel of you to encourage this behavior. Yes, you are putting your children before his child when you do this. Planned or not. Neither of my pregnancies were planned. Millions of kids were born from unplanned pregnancies. What if you and your husband were to separate again? Would you still encourage him not to have a relationship with his children?

By the way-who cares who she has sex with? So, she likes to sleep with other people's husbands. If other people's husbands would keep their *$&% in their pants, there wouldn't be a problem.

IF your husband is the father, then he is the father.
 

Shay-Pari'e

Senior Member
HurtinDeeply said:
Unfortunately, I do feel involved. Our entire family is involved. We have two other children to think of. So keeping a possible sibling away is thinking of them? So when your children with this ass grows up, how do you think they will view you and him? Great role model Daddio is. Knock a chick up and walk away my son.


I don't think my baby is better than hers, but mine was planned. So what?


She tricked him into believing he had nothing to worry about. She told him she had the abortion, told him several times he was in the clear, and when he said he was leaving, she wished him well and all the best. She only became ugly upon finding out I was pregnant. Sh** happens when you party naked.

If I thought my husband would love this child, I would understand seeing it. But I know he will never feel for this child as he does for ours. I bet you don't even see how dumb you are.
He wants nothing to do with the baby. To force this child to visit a father that does not want it would cause greater damage. His choice. Get out the money for the support payment if it is his.


No, what I want is to hold her accountable for the game she has played. I think that she should be called out on the carpet for playing such a terrible game. The others may say what they like (I thought this was free ADVICE, not free JUDGMENT) but he's paying for what he has done. She should have to as well. Not monetarily, but exposed. I think that there are other women out there who may find themselves in the same situation I am in now, because of her little game playing. You are Bitter! Period, end of story. I thought you just wanted her to leave you alone. It's all about the revenge.

I found out yesterday that there are two other married men whom she slept with during the same period so who knows what she has up her sleeves? Gee, maybe your dead beat hubby will be off the hook.


As for the other responses, I see that you have no problem with a woman lying about her ability to conceive, lying about just wanting to be "special friends" only to trap a man into staying with her. Never said that, but that is not the point.

Yet you get so angry over my being upset. Did you lose similar problems as the other woman? Did you try and trick a man as well and fail? Nope, no need. Because your responses reek of bitterness and anger. Sorry chickie, but that is exactly how you are acting. I'm bitter because I feel the child should have a real father? You are disgusting. We are talking about a child. A child no less important than the one in your oven.
Makes me question your own morality. Don't question mine honey, you are the one having a problem with it.
 

AHA

Senior Member
HurtinDeeply said:
Unfortunately, I do feel involved. Our entire family is involved. We have two other children to think of.

I don't think my baby is better than hers, but mine was planned. She tricked him into believing he had nothing to worry about. She told him she had the abortion, told him several times he was in the clear, and when he said he was leaving, she wished him well and all the best. She only became ugly upon finding out I was pregnant.

If I thought my husband would love this child, I would understand seeing it. But I know he will never feel for this child as he does for ours. He wants nothing to do with the baby. To force this child to visit a father that does not want it would cause greater damage.

No, what I want is to hold her accountable for the game she has played. I think that she should be called out on the carpet for playing such a terrible game. The others may say what they like (I thought this was free ADVICE, not free JUDGMENT) but he's paying for what he has done. She should have to as well. Not monetarily, but exposed. I think that there are other women out there who may find themselves in the same situation I am in now, because of her little game playing.

I found out yesterday that there are two other married men whom she slept with during the same period so who knows what she has up her sleeves?

As for the other responses, I see that you have no problem with a woman lying about her ability to conceive, lying about just wanting to be "special friends" only to trap a man into staying with her. Yet you get so angry over my being upset. Did you lose similar problems as the other woman? Did you try and trick a man as well and fail? Because your responses reek of bitterness and anger. Makes me question your own morality.
All she did was not have an abortion, that does not mean that she deserves to be burned at the stakes. Your kid is not worth more than hers. I, for one, would think twice about having a kid with a man that so easily can toss his (possible) other child away like a piece of trash. That's not a man!

Did SHE tell you that she was having unprotected sex with 3 men at the same time or from what rumormill did you hear that? Don't believe everything you hear, lady, or you'll drive yourself crazy.

Any woman with some selfrespect wouldn't blame the other woman solely for the husband's cheating. Did your hubby marry a doormat or a woman? Stand up for your vows and hold him accountable for his lousy and DANGEROUS actions. The other woman hadn't committed to fidelity to either of you, but your "man" HAD committed to you. It's sad that your child is going to grow up in a home where cheating, and blaming others for how irresponsible daddy is, is considered normal.
 

MidnightBreeze

Junior Member
Hun,
Right now you need to find forums for your situtation, I know of 2 great ones that will help you during this time. Marriage Builders is a great one. Also try typing in surviving betrayal. You will find forums with all kinds, ones that have chosen contact and no contact, you can read many stories on how every one has handled it and from there you can find a way to emotionally deal with this. Every story is different and no matter what decision are made you will find others in the same boat and no one judges you, they also understand every feeling you are going thru cause they too have or do feel the same. It is part of the grieving. these forums are for infidlity that resulted in pregnacy.

But my advice and what they will say is...... make sure the affair has ended, no more contact with other worman, prego or not, use this time to rebuild your marriage, dont worry about it until the baby is born and a DNA test is taken to prove who the father is. If she is harrassing you guys first try by having your husband send her a certified letter saying that from this point on no more contact to him or you, by no means, phone call, emails, text.... etc...... that if and when a child is born and a DNA test is taken then she can contact you guys personally but the best is thru a lawyer (get one now if you can) to set up CS and possiable custody/visitation if that is what you guys decide.

After that find the support groups i have told you about and use this time to work on the marriage. This is your time, dont let her in and ruin it for you. Take care of yourself and your baby, that is your first priority. Hugs !!!
 

tylersmom

Member
If I were you, I'd seriously question what kind of man you are married to.

First, you separated because of stress and your depression. He couldn't handle it so he bailed. Then, instead of trying to work through things, he went out and slept with someone else. He gets this girl pregnant and tells her to have an abortion, that's that, problem solved. Meanwhile he's back with you and immediately you start planning to get pregnant? When did you both have the time to work through your issues and get help for the depression? Then you do get pregnant and decide to move away (basically running from the issues you had before and the new issues that have arisen from his poor judgement). You find out that this girl didn't have an abortion and now she wants him to step up and take some responsibility. Your husband, who willingly had sex with this girl knowing what the consequenses could be, says he wants nothing to do with this baby, his own flesh and blood. You are upset at this girl for causing you stress and now you want to sue her. Is this correct?

Okay, what kind of man walks out on the woman he loves and the mother of his children because he can't handle her depression?

What kind of man then immediately goes out and starts sleeping with someone else, when all the while he knew he was going to go back to you?

What kind of man demands that a woman get an abortion so he can run back to his wife and get her pregnant?

What kind of man wants nothing to do with his own child, regardless of who the mother is? Is it the child's fault?

Your husband is pond scum. Actually that is giving him too much credit. I am sorry that you are having so much trouble with this, but you are directing your anger in the wrong direction. He had a responsibility to you as your husband, this other girl did not. She is just as pregnant with his child as you are. These were his choices. You made the choice to get pregnant in the middle of this mess, that was your choice. It's not her fault that you are having a difficult pregnancy because of stress. It is your husbands and it is yours for making the decision to get pregnant under these circumstances. You need counseling. I don't mean to sound harsh but you sound extremely selfish and self-righteous. Instead of worrying about your husband's problems with the mother of his other child (and they are his problems, not yours), try worrying about the problems in your marriage that were never solved from your initial seperation. He is a loser, and you are crazy to have allowed him to do all this.
 

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